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THE KENTUCKY KERNEL
OFFICIAL NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY
FCELISHED WEEKLY
EXCEPT

DUP.INO THK SCHOOL TEAR
OR EXAMINATION PERIODS

HOLIDAYS

Entered at the Post Office st Lfxmplon, Kentucky,
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Editor

Managing Editor
euS Editor
Shorts Editor
Malinger
. . . B II sineSS
Circulation Manager

REPORTERS
Adele Denman,

Betty Lee Fleishman,
U"V Lillian Davie.
Catherine Ooman. Eleanore Keen. Shirley Meister. Mary jane
Dorsey. Frances Keller. Dora Lee Robertson. Jimmy Woods.
Marilyn Mitchell. Martha Yates. William
Laura Heedley.
Wrench. John Violelte.

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The day broke bright and

FLEISHMAN'S

Time Waits For No One!
UNC is supposed to be the only
coed school in America where five
out of- - five coeds, from five out of
five
dorms, have watches
five
minutes slower than the dorm

Phoenix Flower Shop
Flowers for all occasions
Main

1C7 W.

Phone HKI

Third Door West of I.ime

KEEP YOUR SHOES IN SHAPE

at

JFATEE SHOE SHOP
112 S.

fresh-woma-

e

super-freshma-

Kin-caid-

Lime

de-ca-

BREWSTER PHELPS
-

clear-- not

two-tone-

clocks, on five out of seven dating
nights a week. (You will notice I
say "is supposed to be.")
He Wux Censured
The following is an exclusive
Interview recently obtained by an
ace reporter at U of Cinc'y from
Phineas Z. (Censored),
student. Because of censorship
regulations, portions of his comment
have been (censored).
"I have enjoyed my (censored)
here in Cincinnati very much. The
(Censored) was fine, and every time
we (censored) the Sergeant (censored); us.
(Censored), a condition
peculiar to this (censored) city, was
particularly (censored), and I shall
regret leaving it. The University
has always displayed toward us an
attitude of utmost (censored), and
the students have treated us with
unceasing (censored). So. we face
with little or no (censored) our re-- !
turn to the troops, where we will
give our (censored) for democracy."
Chow Line
At U of Cinc'y there is an ugly
report going around that an aide-- I
reported to the director of
the UC cafeteria. "The garbage man
is here." And she answered, "Tell
him to leave half a can."

-

Keep in step with youth in CONNIES
Miss Brewster Phelps, a senior
from Cloverport, Ky is treasurer
cf Kappa Kappa Gamma, social
sorority. Brewster is a former
member of Cwens, member of S.
G. A. and served on the House
Committee of the Student Union
Board. Just as Brewster is outstanding on the campus, so will
these black suede Connies be outstanding with you.

meet anyone in this small imitation
of '40. To those
of the junior-seniwho can't remember it was 'Sardine
Heaven."
Request,
A protest has been requested by
the freshmen and other inhabitants
of that dear old institution for all
F.M.M.'s (Feeble Minded Morons).
The open letter to "Ode to Mayhem" is as follows:
"We, the students rthe sociological word for inmates) of the University of Kentucky, request a place
to dance In the grill. It ain't human
to see all those cute women with no
place to jive. Can't we have a small
section of the grill or cafeteria?"
Signed X
The names have been with held In
favor of the F.B.I. This column remembers the time we danced in the
grill Till Her Tears Flowed Like
Wine"!
As In last week's issue, which contained approach No. 1 and No. 2 as
method of meeting
the time-testhere is No. 3
these cute
which was tried in the night and
fright mare of the "art department."
You casually walk up to her and in
a loud voice exclaim. "I haven't got
a cigarette." In these days and
times it "ain't surprising." Immediately, due to the situation, a cute
little "Gravel Gertie" or S.L.W.S.CC.
(Snazzy Lassie with a Super Classy
ChassieU says, "Oh. have iny pack,
carton, or maybe Just one." Caution
be sure to pick your spot and your
intended victims of your choice.
Anything from Betty Grable to the
Sea Hag!
ed

craps

usually
Snoot v sophomores
find great pleasure in broadcasting all the mistakes and
boners licit the poor little freshmen make timing their first few
weeks here.
Well, it's time someone revealed some of the dumb things
the sophs have pulled. We know
who was
one second v ear co-etold to buv Roget's Thesaurus.
She didn't. 1 lie reason: she
couldn't pronounce it! And
there's another soph who
wanted a stub point on her
fountain pen. so she filed it
down with a nail file. She's
using a pencil now. And the
newlv wed who didn't answer in
loll call because she didn't recognize her new name! So, don't
worrv, freshmen, for the more
emus you make, the better qualified vou'll be lor your sophomore year!

By Adele Denman and Judy Johnson
9. No Heading We Gotta Save
Breckinridge Halt
Something for Next Week
Six foot two Bill Wallace, the
slender, tender, and tall guy with
We could mention this:
clouds in his hair and "Sassy" in
We think it wouid be nice to have
his heart, (a little gal from Patt a Jallopy contest. Everyone seems
hall) is really making good.
to have one: Ting;e and Mosley
Fay Simmons Jr. and "('hub" could enter red and yellow "My
Wills are getting a grand start. God" (name of can; Jane Elliott
Chub's only competition is Mrs. could enter her broken down trap
Turner, who is forced to chase him (don't tell her we said this), which
out of the hall, on Saturday nights. we have officially named the "XQ
2. Kappa Kappa Gamma
Chariot" and the Tri Delts have
The "catch" of the campus has a lovelv little mess, belonging to
been caught. Betty Brook Fulton Mry Jones. We suggest she call
and Buddy Parker have called it it "chair," for rigor mortis has al
quits, for Bob Ogden and Nancy ready set in!
O'Rear respectively.
j
The sisters have figured out a new
way to get the Navy out to their
house being so far inland.
Why does "KtM-kKhodes keep
talking about "Cacy?"
3. Alpha Gam
"Sing" Yeary had better get on
"ole ball," Doc Mines is making far
more progress. Do not despair, Sing,
the other houses are right within
crawling distance, and the Kappa
m.
house is right on the way home to
f ii
Nicholasville. FLASH: By the way,
we have a letter lrom the citizens
of Nicholasville:
'
DEAR UNIVERSITY:
"'"'
r
NOT THAT WE HAVE MINDED
'
iehri
s
'
HAVING DICK YOI NGEKMAN
VISIT US SO MUCH. BUT HE HAS
I
i;
BEEN WORRYING THE OFFICIALS AT THE COURT HOUSE
BY WALKING IN AND ASKING
FOR FRANCES LAWTON.
P. S. THIS MEANS ANY OTHER
PERSONS WHO OVERSHOOT THE
DISTANCE TO THE KAPPA
HOUSE.
'
4. Chi Omega
a. More congratulations to Mrs.
'1
Peterson, formerly Sally Liudberg.
b. We think the Harrison Dixon,
Nancy Elmore affair will last.
teAk.
c. Floyd Shorts hus been kept busy
painting furniture for Fokie Khodes.
Then they both go out and do a
This week's Colonel of the Week goes to Miss
little painting of the city of LexingMarjoi ie Palmore. arts and science senior from Horse
ton.
of Mortar Board;
Cave. Ky. She is
5. Patt Hall
treasurer of W A.A.; business manager of the
When the lights in Patt went out
and a member of Tau Sigma, national dance
at 11:15. people were stranded, with
fraternity.
two fingernails
polished
maybe
member of
She was formerly captain of
three, clothes half on and off. some
were stranded on the wrong floors.
the Y W C A. cabinet, member of S G A., pa-s-t presiand 'tis rumored that one gal wiio
dent of Cwens and a member of Alma Magna Mater.
was oown in the dining room, was
For these achievements we invite Miss Palmore to
forced to spend the niht on top of
enjoy any two of our delicious meals.
the coke machine. Would someone
please pay the electric bill over there?
NEXT WEEK'S COMMITTEE:
6. Football Team
"Sehu Baby" still remains true to
Margaret Wharton, Chairman
the KD's but it is a little slow in
Doris Singleton, Independent
coming around this year.
Sue Feniinorr, ( hi Omega
Norman Klein is now the official
Juliette Jones, Alpha Gam
hero as far as Jewell hull is concerned. PLUG . . . Oh. Norman,
come around some time.
7. Jewell Hall
SERVING HOURS:
Please girls, we nave not forgotten you. and from what we hear
Lunch 1 1 : 1 to 1 :.'
you are quite busy over there.
Dinner 5:1
For instance
Sunday Dinner 11: I V2:00
The funniest gal in the dorm so
fa ris tlsir Uotson. She is really a
card. Fred Hill still remains true to
the seniors.
8. Boyd Hall
Wally Evans, when Tilling out the
forms in the dean's office was asked how many hours she planned to
spend on employment at U. K.
Reading it as "enjoyment" she staled a mere 12 hours.
The University now has the idea that the works
ill night st the psiachut; fsctcry.

COLONEL

j

e

was

Of The Week

nd compliments enough to
turn your pretty head!
A simple cut Connie with a
pretty twist of bow, a "ribturfaP
with eveiyiliiiit? you wear!
.

.

Him k

uede.

SfcMiichelLBaker,

Smith.

a

is'

i-now,

k

love-life"--

he could share her seat. Not want- ine to be rude to that six foot, brown
eyed Greek god, she politely replied
"yes." "Thank you." said the soldier,
"you see. as we both were occupying
two separate seats. I thought it
would be better if we shared the
same one just in case two pas
sengers came on together."
Then there was the G. I. who after
making friends with another UK
"she male" inquired if she would like
a drink. Innocently thinking of the
water cooler in the rear of the car.
she appreciatively answered, "yes.

i

thank you." Five minutes later, our
oine was taken aback when she
was handed a paper cup and a quart
bottle containing a brown liquid,
known to us as "firewater."
Then we musn't forget the trip
our football boys made to Knoxvule.
We ve all heard about the
delay while washed out bridges were
paired, but not much has been
about how wel1 the team con- ducted themselves. One who ac- companied the boys said
their
conduct was the finest thing he'd
ever seen.

tnt

Doy, on 3oy! Ttiose
UKUCtiC f'vwiw wnmz
ARB A SURB'flRB HIT
y'.

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rmr

SEND HIM A GAME A MONTH
Th9 Kind of

V.

nt

....

.

someone

piped,
prophet?" "No."
the replv. "he 'lays renter."

Tearfully,
"What's he

Cedar Village
Restaurant

P?tUji9thfJtoy$Jnicy

CHESS

CHCCKUS
fcCIY-DUC-

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('CftltSAG
SOUTAIRI

OWIINO
GOAL
AND UvtHAL OTHitti

Ken-tuckia- n;

Bows On Your Toes

It's that way.
Love is plav,
Love is sorrow-H- ere
today.
Cone tomorrow.
Love is tun.
Love's a treat;
Love's a bun
Two must eat.
Love is sweet.
Love is sour;
Lovers meet
For an hour.
Love is swell,
l ove is bare;
Love is. hell
Two must share.
Love is there.
Love is m'vsing:
Love is 'care.
Love is kissing.
Love is woe,
l.ove is true:
Love won't go
You need two.
Love is blue,
l.ove is snappy;
Lovers coo.
Love is happv.
Love is Life,
Life is Love
And where, may I ask,
!
IS mv

r

But How We Love Trainsl
By Shirley Meister
Another school vear and aeain
U K. students have been traveUng
in choo choo trains to the bluegrass
and to Tennessee for the football
game. This column is dedicated to
those from yonder who journeyed
here and to the football team and
their followers. This is not a testimonial for any Tennessee railway
company but a series of incidents
that were seen by yours truly and
others, happenings repeated in the
bookstore.
There were of course, many
wolves in khaki clothing furloughing
back and forth who suddenly became
very lonely when they spied one of
our "beauty teens." Approaching one
coed, a Pfc. courteously inquired if

1.

ft

T

Several of us were clustered
nervouslv around the radio, listening to the Kentucky-Tennessegame. Frantically, we nibbled on our tigaieties and lit
our finger nails. And when the
ols
going got tough and the
got rough, we tiok the ice out
of our cokes and tied it around
our fevered brows. One of the
girls attempted' to calm our
qualms by saying, "One of the
plavers promised me that we'd
win by at least one point."

we plan to
Starting
print an original poem each
week. You may send your poem-- ,
but it won't do much good, because we're only using Fischer's
poems! For example, here is
one entitled "Love."
?
t! ft
Love is grand.
Love is stupid;
The kindest prof on the camLove's a sham,
pus, we ihiiik. is the one who
So is Cupid.
told a student who answered
Love's a game
incoirei tlv. "That's a good anTwo must play;
swer, but I asked the wrong
It's a shame
question."

j

rz

Opinion

Columns

By Billie Fischer
By J)"i

What Goes On There . .
bility to detect such feminine odors
Curds Roll Their Own
No longer shall the campus coeds wlien the breaths of these coeds are
cf West Virginia University walk to tainted with such delicate smoking
end fro over the campus with the tobaccos as they are being forced
delicate scent of such famous per- to smoke.
The campus shortage of cigars,
fumes as channel No. 5. Midnight in
Goat Hill, and Someone Beautiful cigarettes, snuffs, and other popular
Eabe Just Passed Out. Indeed, per- forms of nicotine delight has forced
fume rationing has not commenced. the women, as well as men, to rely
But rather, it will be an impossi- - on their inherent qualities of ''rolling their own."

ltterg

O

Ode to Mayhem

Frats Undergo New Rulings
1 ast
Creek organizalall when men's so
tions on the campus vuc luiuiioning with a
considerable amount ot diflioihv. the Intcrfta-jcrnita rest lor a month or two
council
men were teniporar-iiand activities of fiaic-iniipushed into the background.
But now that new icgul.it ions governing these
fiaiernities have lieen olln i.illv issued from the
Dean of Men's office, the old hickory paddle,
with its "X marks the spot"" theme still ringing
with fond niemoi ies. can be dragged out of the
basement and dusted oil lor use again.
From now on all li atet niiit s will undergo a
thorough "housec leaning." I'nlike other years
when a chapter made it an active's duty to
pledge at least one man apiece and by so doing
end ii) at the end ol the trim with ten or twelve
more pledges than active members, no chapter
will le permitted to have more than fifty actives
and pledges at any time. And Rule No. 2 of this

Gossip

Features

a Greek in sight. Tlie pmiis were
laid. It was a fine day for the trots
at "Pet Hall," home of the of the
n
crop. So out they all
blonds, brunettes, redtrotted
heads and the ones in between,
d
i Even
job with no
one
running board!) The lounge was
overcrowded with seething humanity when at the witching hour of 3
clause savs also that no mote than twentv-fivo'clock into this mess strolled a
n
men shall be pledged in one year.
sophomore (a
with
There were times too several years ago when his "Willkie button" proudly
it was convenient to have a freshman pledge
He was found two liours later at
living in the fraternity house. It used to look the bottom of the Boyd Hall elevapretty good to see rows and rows of shined shoes tor shaft mumbling that they said
daily outside each active's door and having it couldn't happen here.
Next Boyd
someone handv around for entertainment was
After looking the freshman hall
the height of senior priority. Now the regula- over, the crowd surged toward the
tions say that all freshmen must live in the door strewing wreckage in its path
men's dormitories, unless excused by the Dean and carrying you along like a wave
Hall you
of Men, and no freshman may live in a fraternity on the ocean. Into Boyd ceremony
deposited with little or no
house.
when you found yourself gazing at
An administrative committee appointed by the the new inductees and last year's
This in
Dean of Men will help the Interfraternity freshman representatives.
'itself is not a feat until you try this
council enforce these new regulations, so that with a plate in one hand and cigaby the beginning of the year when fraternities rette in the other.
Prominent among the wolves takwill again ojx'iate each will be able to undering in
scenery was our own Andy
stand the function of the entire period of Watsonthe
),
(the Horatio Alger of
reconstruction.
Marvin Churney and Lon
Keith with the Kappa Sig clan. Into
Jewell Hall, the "gem" of the campus, the parade of stars wound up.
By
Very few names are for publication
Dora Lee as we were unable to see, hear, or
Robertson
All filmed articles and columns are to be considered the
optnioKt of the writer, themwehet, end do not neceuurUt
reflect the opinion o The Kernel.

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October 6, 1914

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