of thf TUCK
merry "Welcome, Alumni!"
always on the outsidcl
THE KENTUCKY KERNEL
Entered at the Pout Office at Lexington, Kentucky, M
ad elans matter under the Art of March I, 187B.
MFMHEH -Leilnston Hoard of Commerce
fffltionftl College Press AftAocietion
Up Tin: Campus
A rnfmher of the M'or Collrre Public HI ton, repreented by
J. Iforrll Hill Oo , IBS I. 42nd St., New York City; in B.
Drlrt. Chicago; Cull Building, ftan rrencuco; 4t West-woo- d
BiTd., Lot Anfeles; 1004 Second Ave, Beettla.
In Memorial hall: "She looked so shocked
when I asked her if I could kiss her that I apoland then I found out that the
ogized and left
reason she looked surprised was because 1 was
the only boy who ever asked her first!"
At the Library: "Someday there's going to be
a mutiny on this campus. It's gonna be called
the "Revolt of the Pledges" and baby, I'm going to be leading itl"
In Boyd hall, on the telephone: "But honestly
I don't want to guess who this is!"
In White hall: "Well, we started out for the
dance, but we made a couple of stops, and I'm
afraid we only got as far as the Tavern!"
On the Administration building steps: "Heck,
the only reason I pinned her was to get rid of
her, the dope!"
COMPLETE CAMPUS COVERAGE
George M. Spenci.r
Ross J. CHt.rEt.FFF
David II. Salyers
Ike M. Moore
Assistant Managing Editor
Odis Lee Harris
Assistant Feature Editor.Bpeclal Editor
William B. Arthur
Ralph E. Johnson
ASSISTANT NEWS EDITORS
Raymond T. Lathrem
O. T. Hertisch
A. J. Dotson
NOMIXATE AS CAMPUS A TELL1 TES:
Mayme Maddox and Tom Nichols
they were elected as most popular senior girl
and senior boy.
Jeanette Lampert and Dossett Reid because
they do such outstanding work in the Guignol
Vogfl, Edgar Penn
News, 9 a. m. to 4 p. m, Univ.
136. Business, 8 a. m. to 4 p. m., Univ. 74. Sundays and after hours, city 2724 or 7542.
HfcRE SHALL THE KERNEL ALL
The Kentucky Kernel
late at nightl
STUDENT RIGHTS MAINTAIN
A HEARTY WELCOME TO ALUMNI
still your homel
year about this time we all look forward to
greeting the "alums" who return for Home-cominYes, sir, Kentucky's
The campus has been considerably improved
since you were here last time, but in spite of
ihe fact that we look a little different, you're
still as welcome as ever. We invite your admiration and anticipate the friendly handshakes
between old friends together once more.
Perhaps you don't know quite all of us, but
we can still say "Howdy" just the same. After
all, we're all brothers in this large fraternity, so
let's act like it. However, if you see actions of
the more indiscreet type, try to disregard them
as accidents or as just a part of
Some persons always have to celebrate in too
merry a manner, but it happens only once a
year, so "forgive and forget."
If you feel strange at first because you have
not met each one of us, just remember that we
are proud of you and really want you here. In
a few years, we, too, will be the "strangers" and
we know that good old Kentucky hospitality
will never fail any of us.
Tomorrow is the best day of all the year, and
it has been planned for your pleasure. We
hope sincerely that you enjoy it to the utmost
so much so, in fact, that you'll make a solemn
resolution to return for all the
So we extend to you a comrade's hand and a
The Campus Clown When profs see him in
their classes they groan with dismay, because
he's one of those stoogents who sits in the back
row and heckles with funny gags the remarks of
the teacher. . .He's the one who gets all the
bright ideas for Hell Week. . .Years age people
would say of him "Oh, he's a card!" or "He's a
caution!". . .but now he's known as a stooge or
a campusap. . .He wears battered hats and
pushes a tin lizzie around. . .When he's an old
alum he comes to the
plays practical jokes on all of his former classmates, wants to tear down the goalposts, tells
the undergraduates about the pranks he pulled
when he was on the campus, and longs for the
good old days, when college kids acted like college kids, slightly moronic and infantile. . .He's
the life of every party, he thinks. . .It's true he
makes people laugh, but it's not WITH him. . .
He's the kind that prefaces every joke with
"Have you heard this one?" and even when you
answer, "Frequently!" he tells it anyway. . . Sum
Students who ask you to buy things.
Pixilated stags who dance on your feet, not
3. The hectic campaigning for elections
for what purpose?
4. The heat in the Library.
5. Coeds who ask, "What's so funny about
President Patterson's statue, anyway?"
THIS CARVED 11here& ANOTHER
OF ART. JUDGE
because it comes out
CARVED STAG- HORN PIPE
AREN'T THEY? AS
FOR ME ILL STAND
BY THIS GOOD OLD
BB1AR OF MINE AND
was close, wasn't It?
Those strange parents you have, you kind of look like one or the other,
but why were you born to them. Equally strange Is it that they were peoThpv
ple of moderate
might have been poverty stricken.
You might have been natured out
of filth and disease. But shucks,
why weren't you born Into the home
of Morgan or Astorbllt that would
have been Just as easy and look at
And those total strangers your
brothers and sisters. Oh yes, you
finally get to know them fairly
well, yet until the day you die they
really will be Just strangers. A
twin brother what a shock, there
I am again.
Why Is It that I have not been a
good student? Why wasn't I
Could there have been
reasons for making me a relative
weakling I wanted to play foot
ball, to run like the wind, to wrestle
And to continue on, I wonder
why I have never done anything
better than anyone else? Why am
i noi a winner 7 wnat does the
champion possess that I do not?
Why should he be thus endowed In
stead of me?
What luck has brought me in my
own blundering way this far? How
much farther can I go?
why have I been loved? Whv
have I loved? The same for hate.
DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT-y- ou
in the waste paper basket, prof!"
Lampert's brilliant directing of the
"Blue Danube Waltz" with his own
rich and dominating tone and Insistent and highly vitalized rhythm
really puts Strauss himself In the
It is as gratifying as
it Is unusual to find a man who so
dominates his surroundings as doe
Professor Lampert, but why should
not the University honor Itself in
honoring him with better and more
By RALPH E. JOIINSOX
suitable equipment? As a member
Isn't It an amazing thing to first opon your eyes to find you have been of the most effective musical orborn an American In America. And wasn't It odd that you were born In ganization now functioning in this
country, may I express the hope
Chicago. An overnight train ride would have made you a southerner,
put fortunate am I that Spain was not my native heath. I might have
been born a Chinaman and had to eat rice all iry life, or I might have
awakened for the first time In an Igloo blubber must be terrible stuff,
but they like It. Oce whiz! suppose I had been born a girl whewl that
By ThF.O NADEI.S1UN
Kentucky IntcrcollretMe PrrM AlorBtlon
international Hews Service
But of one thing I am sure! I
was born for a reason. That rea
son Is unknown to me now may
never be known. Yet I am being
directed on and on. Endowed with
five senses, and maybe a sixth, gifted with dominent desires, each with
its purpose disagreeable, but so
skillfully masked with pleasurable
sensations that I do my tasks gladly. I work all day in order that I
may eat, for I must eat. If It were
not for the fact that I have sensations of hunger I would never even
know that I was supposed to eat.
And if it were not for my sense of
taste I would never enjoy eating.
Eating must be unpleasant basically, yet a desire plus a sense combine to disguise its very unpleasantness and I never know.
Sometimes it feels so good to be
alive. A delicious thrill steals your
body and you tingle with the realization that you live. Moods indigo take hold that is hunger for
Each of five urges must be satisfied as hunger is satisfied fail to
do so and you shall die sooner or
later, yet each in its turn, if not
gratified, will kill you off and return you to the dust from whence
you came and where you may do
In place of ten commandments
you have only five: You must eat;
you must slack thirst; you must
sleep; you must desire to live; and
you must desire to precreate your
It is easy to understand death resulting from violating four of the
five. But the fifth commandment
how Is that? I believe I know
you will "live again" only in your
children. In them you have placed
all of your endowments.
sins violations of commandments,
abuse of the machine you are using in the fulfillment of a purpose
will shown In your children as weaknesses and disease. Hell shall be on
earth. Your virtues shall also
show in your progeny as strengths.
You will create, care for, and
rear your children. When you are
done you will no longer be needed,
so in time you shall return to the
earth that dust you have been using for a purpose and your children must carry on In a like man-
that the department of music here
might be brought up to the standards obtained In other state universities and that mean putting
more money Into It so that It might
be recommended with pride to fellow workers in the musical field
when the biennial convention of
the National Federation of MiikIc
clubs meets In Louisville in 1937.
Wake upl U. K. Wake upl
SPICIE BELLE CHAFFEE,
Ch. Rural School of Music,
Natl Federation Music Clubs.
All New Cars
139 E. SHORT STREET
Tht Kernel welcome! communication, both from It. .tudent reader.,
and from othere .It prefers, however,
that they be ahort and to the point,
and that the writer sign hi. name,
to be used or not, a. Indicated. The
right Is reserved to delete anj part
or parts of all letters. Bditoi.
THE Jean Sardou method
of taking pictures, axclu- sive with ns ss It is, proves
that there 13 a difference
In a recent copy of the Kernel I
read a notice about a movement to
organize the women students on the
campus. I would like to encourage
Having been a
student during the second semester of 1936-3I realize the need of
it. I feel one might request such a
group to promote a program for
some adequate comfort for students
In the Music' building between class
periods when there is hardly space
for Professor Lampert's heroic figure, not to mention bass tubas,
and other monstrous
brasses seeking Interviews with Mr.
John Lewis, much less a chair for
the casual customer. Thanks to
Miss Ann Callahan's considerate
courtesy and Invitation Into the
more commodious department of
graphic arts I did not give up the
struggle in despair. . . .
"The Little Symphony" concerts
in the imposing Memorial hall call
for favorable comparisons between
Lampert and William
Oericke and Emll Paur, those titans of the early days of the Boston
A THOROUGH OVERHAULING
IT IN WITH
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AND I HAVENT
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1 TOOK YOUR ADVICE,!
JUDGE. SAVE MY PIPE
iA J X
The Notre Dame football stadium
located in South Bend, Ind., seats
During the last 7 years of Bib
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Listen for Jarman "PORTRAITS
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Tuesday night and come in and
let ns tell you about the Packard
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show you what we mesa
in today and get that
And there is a purpose. I don't
know it nor do you. But you are
being directed towards an end a
nouminallstic end. Proof of that is
the magnificent gift of your brain,
which combines your desires with
pleasures, and causes you to have
a conscience by means of which
you may know your right from
I am the most amazed man in
BASSETT AND SONSH
H0 W. MAIN