oei wupy MvaiiaDie
Features

THE KENTUCKY KERNEL
iitnrv4 t tlw Pot Offlc at LrilnirtoTi.
wrotid cikM aifttter under th Art of March

Pat
(

Kentucky, ftJ

cWlw'dMw.'ii. N. V.
nlw Yok.
-

ubockiftjon
M Ooa Quarter

fl

60

1

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1

I

There's a character running
fiction
around in contemporary
named Asa Hearthrug. If you
haven't made Asa's acquaintance.

Buuness Manager
Advertising Manager

tiffin"

Well, Son, YouVe On Your Way
"Will. son. in 10 nvrm's your train is duo,
cni'ie on our vav to college. Hut In Core
l'ii. son. there arc some, tilings 1 want to tell
yui
.itur;illv yon want to cuiiif :tc k to lioodle-m'IIu.
alur ou graduate and t;ke a job as
..ho is 1'hu1c a illc's lead- ti our
in" Lnttlicr. Well, the only way ou can k iliat
is 10 l.e a success at college. Anv von ran lie a
cev at college if you do as I say.
1

"1

c

don't c?re what you major in or what

make. I5ul ou must get
kind of grades
iiuo a lot of i. 'i... its and become an outstanding; man on the camjirs. 1
way people will
; i to know you, and you will get to know
i

h.--t

jieople.

"I'm not bragging, son, but mv picture was
in the veaibook H limes mv senior year, and
jny name v.as in it 37 times. I was j u .idem
l thiee maj ir cat.'!j);is organizations, and 1
to dozens of others.
"People got to know me, and the president
e
cif the college would neer make a move
he consulted me. I tell ou, son, I would
ii a er have got the chance to start in the butcher
hcie in Boodleville and to woik up and
be(ine owner of the shop if my name hadn't
bcn in the papers so many times. The man-npat the butcher shop recognized my true
value and made me a splendid offer the day I
le-foi-

ir

p;i

aduated."
"But, dad, how can

I

become a Big Man On

Caw pus?"

.

so I had to pionounce my name loudly as
soon as I came in the door so he would mark
me present. And soon the whole class got to
know my name.
"After they know your name, the next thing
is to make them recognize you when they meet
you on the campus. The best way I found of
(loiiip that was to wear the same litht rordurov
',
.'
,
coat every ci.iy. m course, alter intee or lour
months, il Itccame a little dirty, hut everyone
began to connect that coat will) mv name, and
'
soon the whole campus knew who I was.
"llttt flail, yon still haven't told me how I
tan get into ojlia1!"
"Now. that's casv, son. All vou have to do is
attend meetings of different organizations and
when the floor
open lor discussion on some
u itli what
moM.m oh no n.l vi .l- niinm-the piesidcnt and the other ofheers are trying
to cio. i nat way me menioers recognize you as
an intelligent ixrson. Soon you are asked to
become a member, and then all you have to
tlo is to keep cm disagreeing, and soon they will
elect vii president
.
..
Because you are president of one organiza- lion, the oilier campus organizations will real- ize your tremendous powers as an administrator,
you will be elected president of so many
organizations that you will have to start turn- -

roll,

1

"Vhere uill 1 find the alarm clocks?"
C.:pvritlit lasC

water suoplv
Incidpntallv.

liv

Ejquirf. Inc.,

N

91

throat cutting between Columbia
and Local No. 94. As I crawled gin
gerly through the picket line to my
thought of Frankie, as i
saw the burley policeman on either
side of the door Remember the
faturaay nignis
Alas, tis not all. the students have
taken up the fight.And I csn't find
my mail for notices, ana leaflets to
Jcin Vouth Labor Lassies, or Student
Sedition Society-- or what have you?

cssetI

Remind me never to ask questions
again, ionignt, just Deiore i Degan
this eer- -I saw a group of young
lasses who seemed to be indulging in
a bit of harmU,ss cnatter, if they
could tell me what was happening
about tne strike.
As I picked mvself up off the floor,
j discovered they were in my room
still talking excitedly. Feebly, (which
was not exaggerated) I offered them
-- .
w
it i.;
iuu miuw uui iiiciiuiv
soButhern hospita,ity. Here ls
the way
the conversation went.
THEY: "Would you like to Join the
a p of XYZ'"

,

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e

...
n1f---

J,

lVlL

SECOND

Dr. Donovan, on "Courtesy."
In connection therewith, may we
ask one simple question, when you
have a president who has found
yours and my university made of
brick but determined to and who
Ls workine ton? nights tet mnlro tt
:
"
marbI
uld " 0
o our
mutual satisfaction, good taste and
t0 the niSh Benuine dignity of
your PaDer ir yu referred to him
occasionally at least as Dr. Don- ovan or even "President" Donovan,
even as you readily do on the in- side pages to common professors
in the class room
Tticf m cilcrOActtnn wma iinitAHiniiil
,
,.
.
7,
.
v
Liiu Kiaua aiiuw your
rourhps
fnn- too
h
Jewned
uch slnce our davs
there too- - 'and one little observa- -.
Won has been that your President
Donovan and mine is duly digni- fied throughout this nation where
councils of strong men make our
policy of leadership as among
America's greatest educators. That

Do what I tell you, son, and someday you
THEY: "Now is it fair,.closed shop
may take my place as Boodlcvillt-'leading is the thing. crooked corporation
institution, costs money poor woric
butcher." T. G.

class only to hear a lecture on the letters, to Rosa). I dream about her
br,ck. "Between Earth and High sometimes, and she has a halo of the
note: For the uninitiated,
r.dilor's
Heaven." I wondered if I hadn't purest gold. Tagging along in the
v.e explain that Aaele Dcnman was
same manner are the nieht watch
read the book before.
a cclunini.st. cgtjssip, ttot isi for
and lock out at 12:00
When I went back to the dorm for men-loc- kup,
on the Kernel. She was
tlirre
And last but not least by a
in August and now is lunch I was not afraid! This time Pm. shot-t- he
rrsduated
long
cooks are going to
taking advanced work at Columbia I climbed four flights before I lit a do what comes naturally to even-onr.nDrirn
University, New York. As you will
has
I have else' and next week they will remain
Fe. o'her universities have their tcAAnd soIR it flightsbeen-to- day
cook
un nnrl rinu'n in at home andYtfW for their husbands
ttnke troubles too.)
.
is slomie? T unrifr- what th1
I hear you Dave a strike down me aorm. iu nignts tor one class up
,T me in
t!1( re. How terrible-h- ow
inconven- - nd down, and 14 up and down for
on it at the local restaurant.
enough cf another.
i'iit. how terrifying. WtU
Maybe I'll get to starve in a garret
that. IF YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT
But sob not yet for my plight.
TROUBLES. YOU CAN JUST GO gentle reador. The men who run the after all. Oh, yes, I forgot the light
are cut down to on elight for
P.ARBLE IN YOUR BREW, AND dormitory heating plant are in the
LISTEN.
rame union guess what? No heat! each room, no overhead lighting
Ycu know of course I am on the Not tc be outdone, the maids are rnaybe I could modify my previous
ninth floor. There I am 350 steps glinted with the same motley crew, statement to a blind genius, tired,
from mother earth and guess what? Guess what? Dirty rooms. (I warn shivering, hungry, dirty, trapped in a
V!ie elevator operators have gone on you with the greatest caution not to garret.
AH I can say is thank God for the
r'rikf ! As this place is tax exempt ihow this letter, as you do all my
bit of information I.
tl otight only heaven could get away
v.iih such privileges) they can't
l.nve any strike breakers.
Oh. this is a snap, I muttered
Ineorport4
caiificli'titiaUy. and flexed my mighty
muscies which rippled under my
21
clo hes like the flags of the United
Natii.ns. and began the escent..
Pimple! When I climbed the first
three llichts to my first class there
vas a smile on my fine young Amei c:in lius. and a sog in my heart. I
- 2030
i; a cigarette. vi.Z started up the

TO

AND GIVE MY LOVE AND

As a reader of your paper, a fond
admirer of most things in general
there at the University including
your paper, ana as one 01 me an- cients may we advise that we are
in hearty sympathy with the keen
observation of your great President,

i

DEXMAX WRITES AGAIN

III.

PRAISES DR. DONOVAN
Editor, ine itentucxy Kernel:

,

Letters To The Editor

GO

TO

.

UNDYING AFFECTION TO ROSA.
Yours while I last,
"Dell"
P. S. The heat Just went off com
pletely You may send fur coat
wnen convenient

,.,,,

11

Mi.hifgn Avfnuc Chicajo

the city owns that. VATOR
this is a private FLOOR.

in" offices down"
"
"Should I join a fraternity, dad?"
.
Wp11
" es, being in a fraternity will help you. But THEY:
"There's going to be a big
flir-RrvprhQ unit pvprv
inifi
miv
I fn
'
' vou Fifrvdav vou arrive at rntlv tfimnrrnir
'
thing.
the
ramoiis, will rush
ME: "Hummmmmmni
,
,
,
scnooi uecause you are tne son 01 Mooeiicviue s THEY: "Just thinW qf It, maybe
leading butcher.
student demonstrations and every
There's my train, dad. I'll try to tlo u hat tnlne " (They rubbed thtir hands In
you have told me."
!it--

"It isn't so hard, son. The first thing you
yant to do when you get to school is make your
name known to the students. I found a simple
vay of doing that. I signed up for lecture
courses, where there would lie a hundred or so
Mudenis in each class. T hen every oilier day 1
tame to class late. Of course, by the lime 1
rot thue the instructor had alreadv tailed the

i

w

it s time you did.
Asa Hearthrug is a finely drawn
brainchild of one Max Schulman.
Schulman is a University of Min- nesota graduate and one of the
cleverest satirists our country has
(Mr. Schulman's
ever produced
publishers and I concur in this
opinion).
While at Minnesota,
Schulman was editor of the campus
he graduated Schulman en- tered the army and. so far as I
know, is still a sergeant in the air
forces. One of the most fecund air
corps sergeants I've heard of, Schul- man has managed to produce three
books and numerous short stories
while doing time. Schulman has a
perfect genius for titles and the
books are called (in order of their
publication): Barefoot Boy With
Cheek, The Feather Merchants and
The Zebra Derby.
If you haven't read "Barefoot Boy
you really can't ap- with Cheek
preciate a college education. Schul- man, through his little man Asa,
ridicules and satirizes everything
from fraternity rushing to football
players with unpronounceable
names. Even though you will find
about y0urseU,
are
'ymnl find it easy8to bear. In fact.

National Association of Manufac- turers on down.
Although Schulman's satire is

not alwavs subtle, it Ls unfaiUnelv
youTl wonder why you weren't clev- - briniarit. Dullness cannot be num-enough to put it the way Schul- - bpred among his faults M
man Puta iL Even the introduction schulman spares no effort to draw
sparkUng little the ast dram of humour from a
to the 1)0011 te
gent of satire.
situation even though his main
From college life. Asa goes into business is satire. His humor ls not
the army in "The Feather Mer- - strictly conscious like H. A. Smith's,
chants." This book, too, has a clev- - but it Is more pointed and discern- becomes a good satirist. Ha
8
er introduction explaining how the
term "feather merchants" came in- - is a clever and brilliant writer wait- clever audience.
to being. Asa has trials and trib- - i"g
ulations galqre and Schulman has
a devil of a good time satirizing
Hemingway and making sarcastic
remarks about the poor civilians,
The highlight of the book is Schul-Aftman's brilliant parody of "For
Whom The Bell Tolls." If you. like
me, suffered from too many "thees"
and "thous" while reading FWTBT,
you will really love this.
We never did ,earn how Asa got
out of the
he did
but get
and m ..xhe Zebra TrbV we find
al, ready to ..fm his niche in
world."
tne great new
kisses his mother and father'
good-byand bids his sweetheart.
Lorna OToole, the fondest of fare- wells and sets out for Minneapolis
to fulfill his future. Although Asa
has his head full of dreams about
vibrating post-w"SADDLE-HOYS- "
furniture (so
dust can't settle on iti. Schulman
Turn the tables to give you
has his pen sharpened for anything
that smacks of hypocrisy or bigotry.
the aJvjnbge!
Before Asa returns to Lorna s waiting arms, Schulman has managed
t0 poke fun at everything from the

fr

j

er

t

J

poster

e.

ar

TA Jim
5V

.viWXV
F. K.

SCMAUfLER

Triendfy

General Manager

im
tt

hf

ers only 30 bucks a day .7
j
ME: "Money?"
THEY: (Hours later) iBy the way, didn't JusV 'happen.
.
our names are, Blub. Qui and Glub."
Sincerely,
"r
ME: "Glad to
L. C. Parley
THEY: "We're fronj Chicago (
now m Chicago we Pennsylvania
and New York, and you ?
I i was firm)
"KENTUCKY!" I shouted hysteri
ca"yTHEY: (They paused, hey gasped
sneered, and snorted)
LET'S

18, 1946

,

Orman Wright

artlrm n4 column, art to b cmrtiltre tH
writer, ihemselvet. mi to not eceenrUf
e
refiect the opinion of The Kernel.

v.vi

Friday, Oct.

Wright or Wrong

I

opinio.

Ter

One

Editor
Editor
Editor
Editor
Editor
Editor
Ftlitor
Editor

:

Q

hatct

Sports
Society

Cioki.i. lUKkr

sa rtcifce

to ftHiui

Assistant

lm'

NattonalAdvertisingService.toc.
etrc

Swi

I

Kentucky Press Association
Hatlont! Editorial Association

-

News

Isislant Mjnaeinc
1nitanl Xrwt

Snwiiiii
) m m ri k Niiiioiv
luxim Ml m
J
II l RI
Jcney Jcmisov

ntaekr Intercoll(1u Pren Ajaorlktlon
frtncton Bo.r of Commerc

420ionoM

Managing

Di'SCAN

K

UFMBER

cu.-

f.on

iv

Tom

S, 1870.

Bl'KNFTT

Opinions

Columns

The Kernel Editorial Page

OFFICIAL NTWSPAPIR OF TEX UNIVERSITY OP KXNTTJCKT
PUBUBHXD WZEKLY DURTNO THS SCHOOL TKAB
EXCEPT BOUOATB OR EXAMINATION
PERIODS

Letters

Gossip

mi grr.

BroWsBooterie
138 W. Main

IN THE HAND

.

OF

LAURITZ MELCHIOR

ftuiwus tenor of (he MttrvpvUtan Opera Company

MICHLER

-

FLORIST

CUT FLOWERS

SOUTH, AND THEY USE NEGRO
LABOR THERE.
We draw the curtain of charity
over my plight as I am too overcome
with what some call emotion and I
caU fatigue to continue.
PLEASE DON't USE THE ELE

AND

CORSAGES
417 E. MaxweU

Phone

JAM AND JIVE

RECORD

TAYLOR TIRE COMPANY
Hour Emergency Road Service

Phone

oilier four flights undauitrcL i
c til v led with
great dignity in'o my

Vine At Southeastern

i
!

Ole Buttermilk

Sky

I Guess I'll Get the Papers

ill y

Hey Now, Hey Now!

The Old Lamplight
Passe
Rumors Are Flying
5 Minutes More

Artistry In Boogie

Hey, Everyone

LET'S GO!

to the Veterans Club

HALLOWEEN DANCE
SATURDAY,

OCT. 26

8 to 12 P.M.

w

You Call

It

Madness

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1

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