THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

Pact tlx

Kentucky, firat;
d
MATHEMATICAL AUOCIATION
HOLDS 7TH ANNUAL MEET Hobbs, Cincinnati, second; Anes Han
440-yar-

run-iM- ays,

Mr

VTTRIVmW

AflfWIvclVRIflW

A young lady took down the receiv
er and discovered that the telephone
was in use.
"I just put on a pan of beans for
donncr," she heard one woman complacently informing another.
She hung up her receiver and waited.
Three times she waited, and then, exasperated, she Ibroke into the conversation.
"Madam, I smell your beans burning," she announced crisply. A horrified scream greeted her and the
young lady was able to put in her call.
K
The Yowif L4y
the War Sua
She'll never understand why they
called it "Orphans of the Storm" because she didn't see any storm in the
picture.

Time 54 seconds.
Butler, Kentucky,
run
second;
Kentucky,
first; Gormin,
Gdbauer, Cincinnati, third. Time 2
seconds.
The seventh annual meeting of the minutes, 9
Two-mil- e
run Porter, Kentucky;
Kentucky section of the Mathematical
Cincinnati, second;
Association of Amenca was held at first; Crawford,
the University of Kentucky on Satur- Brdwn, Kentucky, third. Time 10:15
day, May 5. The following program
Mile Run Melton, Kentucky, first;
was given:
Lc- - Porter, Kentucky, second; Berry, CinCall to order Dr. Elizabeth
cinnati, third. Time 4:47
T. G. BAYLESS
Stourgeon, chairman.
d
high hurdles Dewhurst,
Anallatrmatic Curves Dean P. P.
looking little man, edging towards the Bovd. University of Kentucky.
Kentucky, first; Price, .Cincinnati, secThia Actwally HafpH.
Some Remarks on Statistics iFrof. ond; Thompson, Kentucky, third. Time
Clay Owsley's father (While on way door. "I once saw a man eating rab
:16
A. R. Fchn. Centre College.
up to reform school with little nig
d
low hurdles Prioe, CinAnd he sauntered gracefully out.- A Vectorial Treatment of the Loci
ger from Mayfield, Ky.) "I'll get to
Dewhurst, Knteucky,
of Points of a Moving Body whicn cinnati, first;
boy when we get up to Lex- London Blightly.
sec my
ington."
are exceptional points of their Tra second; Thompson, Kentucky, third.
Rose I went to a dance last night, jectoriesProf. E. L. Rces, University Time, :26
Little nigger (eyeing him from the
Field Events
corners of his eyes) "What 'd he do?" and of of those frcshies tried to kiss of Kentucky.
Cincinnati,
me. He said that he had never kissed
Shot Put Linnemann,
Luncheon at Phoenix Hotel.
girl before.
Unified Mathematics for Freshmen first; Davidson, Kentucky, second;
"Grandma," a9kcd little Paul, six a
Doris And what did you do?
Prof. C. H. Richardson, Georgetown Glasgow, 'Cincinnati, third. 'Distance
years old, "what makes Helen such a
39 feet, Sy3 inches.
Rose I told him I was no experi College.
pretty little girl?"
Pole Vault Woolf and Gregg, Ken-- j
ment station.
Discussion.
"She is pretty," grandma replied,
A treatment by Vector Methods of tucky, tied for first place; Thompson,:
"because she is such a good little
Betty Everytimc Jim and I have a Order of Contract Mr. Augustus Sisk Kentucky, second, and Bradner, Cingirl."
I
it in a little note book.
cinnati, tied for third place. Height
University of Kentucky.
Grandma," Paul protested, fuss write
"But,
10 feet.
Ruth I see, sort of a little scrap
Illustrated Lecture in Astronomy
"you are awful good."
book.
Discus Throw Linnemann,
Prof. H. H. Downing, University of
Duro Belle nets are not merely
good they are
'first; 'Davidson, Kentucky, sec
belt You will
Kentucky.
inquir
"Have you any references?"
agree to that after you try one
Anglin, Kentucky, third. DisTeacher Where was the Declara
The section voted to hold its next ond;
ed the lady of the house.
Beautiful
true colo- rluttre
tion of Independence signed?
tance, 107 feet 5 4 inches.
meeting at Centre College, Danville
tied with the famous Duro Knots
"Yis, mum, lots of thim," answered
perfectly rriade triply inspected
Pupil At the bottom, ma'm.
Javelin Throw iWoolf, Kentucky,
Prof. A. R. Fehn, of Centre Col
to insure longer wear
the prospective maid.
Kentucky, second;
lege, and Mr. G. A. Senibetit, of the first; Dewhurst,
"Then why did you not bring some
When the preacher said my! University of Kentucky, were elected McAndrews, Cincinnati, third. Dis
Joe
Ask your dealer for
of them with you?"
wife and I arc one he lied.
Duro Belle
chairman and secretary, respectively tance, 153 feet.
"Well, mum, to tell the troot, they're
High Jump Bradner and Backus
Tom How so?
K
iust loike mv photographs. None of
Cincinnati, tied for first place; Brewer,
Joe Well, if we arc one, why did I PRESENTATION OF COMEDY
.them don't do me justice."
fiuytkembytfie.
have to buy two tickets when we go
GREATLY AIDED BY CLOWNS Kentucky, third. Height 5 feet, 4
inches.
to the theatre?
Going Fast.
Running Broad jump Gregg, Ken
Parts in Shakespearean
Character
"Are we passing a cemetery?"
tucky, first; Nantz, Kentucky, second
An old colored man, after attending
Play Admirably Chosen
"No, tout the milestones are get- the movies for the first time, was askBrewer, Kentucky, third. Distance 19
Perhaps ed if he enjoyed them?
ting pretty close together.
The clowns which add much to the feet, 11 inches.
we had better slow down."
"Oh, I like 'em fine, (but the pianny comedy of
Night &
Mile
Relay Won by Kentucky,
"Midsummer
made so much noise I couldn't hear Deam" which is to Ibe presented on the Time 3:37
Current Humor.
saying."
what they were
campus May 18 will be played by Hen- .
.
.
1XT
I like to read of the college wits;
ry layior as r
tsoiiom, .1.. weaver,
uic
They sometimes gather up my bits-are you going to do when Quince, Charles Warrener; Snout, Bob
"What
This practice I do not decry;
you grow up, Bob?"
Creech; Snurg, L. B. Duncan; Fluto,
yean stand it, so can I.
If the
"A film actor, Miss."
John Paul Bicknell; Starveling, Kr.y
"Why?"
Theirman.
Restaurant Humjor
These clowns are rude mecnanics,
"Because my mother is always tellVictim What did you say this meat ing me that I should ibe seen and not according to the play, an I work :ii
was?
the Athenian stables. They are typi
heard."
and were no
Waiter Spring Lamb.
cal English charact:
repVictim I 'believe you. I've been
In a lecture entitled "Our Country," nouty intended by Shakespeare to
chewing on one of the springs for an a speaker in a public school explained: resent the amicus of the various
draipat. c
hour.
"One reason the United States keeps trade guilds of his day in
production.
so far ahead of other nations is because
These clowns attempt to put on
Irate Customer See here, waiter, I we are getting up and going to work
found a Ibutton in the salad.
every morning while the people on the. "The Most Lamentable Comedy and
Waiter Well, sir, that's part of the other side of the globe are just going Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisbe"
for the Duke's wedding day celebra
dressing Carnegie Tech. Puppet.
to ,bed."
tion, lhey meet in tne wooa to re
their play so ithat the whole afTime to Go.
Surgeon I understand your anxiety. hearse
He had held forth so long on the Your case is puzzling. I shan't un- fair will tbe kept secret and will not
216 S. Limestone Just Above High.
subject of his adventures that the en- derstand it myself until after the post be interrupted. The whole rehearsal
and their sad attempts to mimic the
tire smoking room was distinctly bor- mortem.
professional customs of the day along
ed. Finally he 'reached India.
with their stupidity in interpretation
"It was there that I first saw a man- DO YOU INHERIT, ACQUIRE afforded much 'amusement.
announced, boastfully.
eatine tieer." he
While Bottom is off stage listening
"Pooh! that's nothing," said a mild- - j OR BUY A YELLOW STREAK?
for a noise that is heard, Puck, the
mischievous fairy, puts an ass's head
The Strollers on their trip to the mountains were treated royally and on his shoulders, when he returns his
In the Harlan daily companions are frightened out of their
in no place were they better treated than in Harlan.
(every Friday) was the following ad for "Lady Windermere's Fan." The wits and flee in a mad scramble.
The following committees have ibeen
Strollers were never able to decide whether Frances Smith or Eleanor Morse
appointed for '"Midsummer Night's
posed for it. Take your choice:
'
Dream :"
DENTISTRY
MEDICINE
Stage manager, Henry Harrper; genARCHITECTURE
manager, J. N. Snyder;
eral business
settings, Professor Sax and Ant DeWashington University, because of its urban locapartment; publicity, Judith Yungblut
tion, offers unusual opportunities for specialized edand Journalism Department; costumes,
ucation along certain professional lines. In addiBess Sargent and Edna GorAnna
tion to splendid laboratories and physical equipdon; properties, Marion Parsons; seat
ment, libraries containing more than a quarter of a
sales, Troy Perkins; programs, Aman
million volumes, and capable and experienced Facda Gordon; posters, Annellc Kelley.
ulties, the
has
his disposal
facili-

QUIRREI

sel, Cincinnati, third.

Centre College Chen at the Next
Place ef Meetinf .

FOOD

880-yar- d

2-- 5.

5.

420-yar-

At

2--

220-yar-

0.

3

V

.

The Most Popular Place
On Limestone
Everything to Drink

University Confectionery

Unusual Opportunities
For Professional Education in

F

THE BIO

SHOW

Of The Entire Season is

NOTICE!

"LAD! WINDERMERE'S
FAN"

COMING
NEW HARLAN

All Seniors wishing to take
day exerpart in "Take-Off- "
cises in chapel,
meet in the
room
Freshman
Journalism
the 5th hour Monday.

BLUE AND WHITE TRACK
(Continued from page 1.)

THEATRE

Tuesday, May 1st.
Tickets on Sale at

Be Prepared
Get Your Ticket in Advance.
Baughman's Confectionery.

tuckians in the shot ,put and the discus
throw.
Summary:
dash Nantz, Kentucky,
first; Price, Cincinnati, second; Brew
er, Kentucky, third. Time, 10 seconds.
Kentucky,
run Nantz,
first; Price, Cincinnati, second; Brim- layer, Cincinnati, third. Time, 23
seconds.
100-yar- d

220-yar- d

student
at
all the
ties of a large city for the practical application of
the theories taught in the class room.
School of Dentistry
On year College Preparatory Work required.
School of Medicine
Two years College Preparatory work required.
School of Architecture-Spe-cial
College Preparatory Work not required.
For Catalog and Full Information, address
Q. W. Lambke, Registrar

WASH INGTON

MivEnsiry
Saint Louis

*