THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

PAGE 4

THE KENTUCKY KERNEL
irubllahcd every Fridny throughout tho College yenr by the student hotly
of the University of Kentucky, for tho b&noflt of tho students,
tilumnt mid faculty of tho Inntltutlon.
Tho Kentucky Kernel la tho official newspaper of the University. It
la issued with a view of furnishing to Its subscribers nil tho college news
ot Kentucky, together with n digest of items of interest concerning tho
UnivornltlcH of other States and Canada.
SUBSCRIPTION, ONE DOLLAR AND FIFTY CENTS A YEAR.
FIVE CENTS THE COPY.
mail matter.
Entered nt Lexington Pontofflco as second-class

"No barrels wore in gym today
I could not bo there."

And

A. GAVIN NORM ISN'T.
Louise Will

..EDITOR-IN-CHIE-

Managing Editor
Managing Editor
.Co-eEditor
.Squirrel Food Editor
Sport Editor
.Exchange Editor
.Feature Editor

Robert Rniblo
Adelo Slatlo
Mary Elizabeth James.
Donald Dinning
Margaret McClurc
Frances Marsh

.Assistant

.

REPORTERS.
Elizabeth Marshall, Elizabeth Card, Mary Archer Dell, James A. Dixon,
Margaret Smith, Martha Buckman, Robert Mitchel, Terrll Corn.
BUSINESS STAFF.
Business Manager
J. P. Barnes
H. B. Loyd
Circulation Manager
Assistants
J. Burton Prowitt, Gilbert Smith

"To start with," thundered Pro
cessor Farquhar, "the acoustics !n
H1I3 building is rotten."
"Sir," cried Elizabeth Marshall excitedly, "I'll havo you to understand
that I'm no acoustic."

v

g

home-goin-

Naz-eren- e

.

FOOD

The Kentucky Colonel says, "A gallon of good will, mixed with a pint of
unselfishness, an ounce of holiday
cheer and seasoned with a few grains
ot surprise, makes enough intoxicatln
Christmas spirit to last, through the
holidays. And you betteh try it, suh,
because, take it from me, suh, it's the
only kind you'll get."

2.

Lord's sake help
' Rattlesnake curls
Tho road to Pat Hall is paved with
Some vamp
hairpins.
Oh never again I'm some wise
boy now.
Mam'selle Ou Dlt says, "I hope all
3.
'us girls' have a merry Christmas and
Tel it tob the marinesesesesesss.
a happy LEAP-yeaThe men can
4.
take care of themselves."
Three four sometime I wish there
r.

were more
If the plural of die is dice, what is
5.
the plural of lie?
Jack and Jill wentup the hill
Christmas is here and "everybody's
To get a paoll of water
poet,
happy, sure" except those whose Said Simp, our
Jack fvel down and Jill
birthday is the twenty-fifth- .
One early morning fair,
Camw to the aid of her vcountrt.
d

LITERARY SOCIETIES

Union.
Tho Utllon Literary Society met
Innt Friday ovonlns i their room on
tho third floor of tho Armory Build
ing. Tho progrnm consisted of a talk,
"Article X of tho Treaty of Peace,"
by Donn Single, followed by n general
discussion of tho question.
As the Christmas Holidays begin
next Friday ovening it wn3 decided
by a unanimous vote of those present
8.
to postpone tho next meeting till the
Their you ato tho only man' in tho first Friday following the holidays.
world
Patterson.
I ever feared.
And the
Last Friday night one of the best
Funeral arrangements havo
programs tho Patterson has had this
Not yet been announced.
year was given. The first number waB
by
and
a spirited debate on tho question,
Yo Editor.)
"Resolved,
That the United States
from
ALL ON ACCOUNT OF THE SNOW. troop3 should be withdrawn
Siberia."
Tho affirmative, Bell and Swearen- Now Patt. Hall has almost forgotten
Christmas was on the way, for gen, by means of their convincing
that
work and
and Y. W. arguments, were victorious over the
C. A. campaigns
had taken our negative speakers, McGregor and Pro
thoughts even from Christmas. But witt. R. D. Warth gave a humorous
reading by Mark Twain and "Tho
Saturday night the snow began.
The dancers in the Armory, gayly Simps," Peck and Estes read some
whirling in a ragtime world of red original poetry, "Proflad" the record
and green, danced a Christmas dance of a marvelous trip, and an "Ode to
while the white snowflakes fell dream- a Tomcat."
Phllosophlan.
ily outside. At midnight, more than
Miss Virginia Graham discussed
one girl gave a blissful shiver as the
wind and snow blast a cold air greet- "Lifo in the Kentucky Mountains" at
ed her through tho open window the meeting of the Phllosophlan Lit
breathing; ; 'Oh it feels like Christ- erary Society last Wednesday even
mas!" and it was all on account of ing at C:45 o'clock at Patterson Hall.
Some very interesting points concern
the snow.
ing the manners and customs of the
And the next a. m. at Patt. Hall
a shivery cold a. m. the pipes were mountain folk were brought out by
frozen up or an important valve wa3 Miss Graham in her talk.
broken, for a girl washed In radiator
THE DOWN AND OUT MAN.
drippings or ran out to Maxwell Hall
or did without but, all with a cheer(With apologies to Walt Mason.)
ful, good-wil- l
grin and both of those
If your business is right,
were on account of the snow.
At least one girl started packing If you have but few fights,
tor the holidays, and another decided And your work days are pleasant and
level,
to 'forgive
and forget because it
seemed like Christmas and who can Soon or late you will find,
(A mere It's a mighty sure sign
be cross at Christmas?
man might say because Christmas- That someone is catchin' the devil.
Ju3t like a man!(
time is
And at the Y. service that night, the If you're gettln no kicks,
Christmas carols seemed holier, the If your Prof, is a brick,
old, sweet story of that silent, holy And you think you are goln tor
Heaven,
night, even, a little more beautiful
Look about o'er the land,
all on account of the snow!
There is always a man
MIAMI WOMEN SUPPORTERS OF Close by, who is catchin' the devil..
FOOTBALL.
If your bills are paid up,
If your kale is laid up
(Miami Student.)
Every plank is flttin its bevel,
The fact, often stated, that the
women in a
school are Just remember, my friend,
a demoralizing factor toward the ath- There are plenty of men.
letics of the school, has been declared Needin' help, while they're catchin
the devil.
untrue by Miami who states that instead of being a demoralizing factor,
v
s
were solidly behind the While your clothes are all new,
the
team and acted rather as a stimulus While your debits are few,
And in pleasures
and riches yon
toward athletic endeavor.
revel,
There's a man who has failed,
U. OF PENN. CLOSES EARLY.
Who has lost all his kale,
Aad the poor fellow's catchin' the
(Exchange.)
devil.
On account of the shortage of coal
existing in Pennsylvania the Univer- If your fire's stocked with wood,
sity of Pennsylvania has been forced If your credit is good
to close for the Christmas holidays In Jericho, London, or Bedford,
two weeks early. Also, because of Just lend a strong hand
the small number of passenger trains, To some tired struggling mau,
only a thousand students are allowed "W ho is always catchin' the devil.
R. F. PETERS.
to leave the University a day.
d

Betty Brown "Did the terrific
cyclone affect you, Jim?"
Server (reassuringly)
"Not much,
"ON EARTH, PEACE."
I was in an nutomobile and had a
wind shield."
Inasmuch as the current issue of the Kernel is its last before the
Senioress "He was 'shot' at the
Christmas holiday begins, it cannot refrain at this time from expressing the Frankfort dance."
wish that this shall bo the happiest, the most blessed, the most gratifying
Steniorette
"Heavens!
Where?
yuletlde its readers, who are in every sense it3 comrades, shall have exeprl-encc- Was he killed?"
It is the season of good cheer, of bappinss, of runited ties a time to
receive new inspiration, now hope and new zeal, greater enthusiasm for the
College President: What salary will
glorious days that lio apace.
you expect for teaching this advanced
hour the Kernel invites its
At this moment also before the
course in "Study of the Literature of
comrades to bear in mind, while participating in turkey, cranberries and
the Incas?"
holiday cheer In their respective homes, the many things for which they
Litt D. Fifty dollars a week.
should be thankful, for this should be a season of thanksgiving as well as
College President: What do you
of memorial.
think you are anyway? A bricklayer?
It enjoins them to remember that this is not only an occasion for
remlnescenco around tho hearthstone and for conversing with loved
Elizabeth Cook "Will you lend mo
ones, but a time to rejoice that tho bloodiest war in human history is over,
your tam this afternoon?"
that carnage is at an end, that the overturning of dynasties and usurping of
Lucille Moore "Why certainly, but
thrones has ceased, that we live in a land of plenty, of law, of order, of
why the formality?"
Christian civilization; that although the country is in a period of unrest and
Elizabeth "I can't find it."
labor embroglios and legislative divisions are still obstacles in the smooth
pathway of our national life, yet nearly all our boy3 are home from the
Augsburg "It is proposed to make
war while those left "over there" are mute, eternal memorials of a cause
Winslow street, "Fraternity Row."
that has had no equal since Christ died to save the race, which they also
Becker "Is that so? I wonder if
gave their lives to perpetuate in peace.
the Sigma Nu's or the Sigma Chips
Wo have this also to be thankful for; that since they, as did the
will get the little CHURCH."
before them, gave their lives for the salvation of the world; for Chriso
tianity, for civilization and for an ideal, their death, like His, has wrought
roost the other night a little
In the
the most extraordinary changes. Millions of men gladly gave their all to
girl was heard to say that she thought
make the world fit to live in and more millions loving Him and us with
Mr. 'Frisky' was so wonderful. 'Fris-ky- '
an unspeakable passion and following His teachings with implicit and unquesIs good."
tioning faith, offered their lives that we might enjoy the blessings of peace.
Let us therefore resolve to try, however feebly, to make our lives more
POTPOURRI
like His who was born in Bethlehem of Judeah nineteen hundred years ago;
whose teachings include the whole scope of all the duties men owe to them(Left on practice typewriters in the
selves, to each other and to God, and embrace all the perplexities of this
Journalism Room.)
world and all the possibilities of other and future worlds.
1.
In addition to these we have our University to be thankful for in its
Friday morning.
Dear People.,
reorganized form and wider scope of usefulness for the people of our beloved
I guess you are having a gay old
State. For these; for the good fellowship of our student friends, for those
time
brave and tender words of cheer and helpfulness and loyalty; for hope and
With that cute daughter of yours
inspiration born of doing the day's work well we give thanks, and by setting
gome.
a light in the window, may we not cheer some other wanderer, broken and
She sure is a little peach.
weary on the long journey; by good comradeship make the world a happier
Mamie and Uncle Will think
place in which to live; by honest application to the duty of the hour and
That she is great. She has showed
complete dedication of ourselves to service may we not realize In still finer
off
sense the gift of 'Him who imparts to this holy season its sanctity and its
Perfectly darling every time
tender memories?
M. L. B.
They have been near.
Mamie camo over to see her
Thersday afternoon and she
Shimmied perfectly darling.
I was nurse while Mother,
And Sis went to the Ada Meade.
She nearly ran my legs off.
Id certainly is darling
The way she puts her head
On the side and flirts with you.
home-goin-

6.
Did you think

Then said tho teacher harshly
That I had completely forsaken you
With Indignation high,
Well I havo not but I havo Been
"How could barrels in tho gym
Pretty busy doing things.
Affect your clnss gono by?"
7.
Then, norvous-llkI wish I wns Bomcbod'ys
and blushing,
girl
Poor llttlo Simp replied,
I wonder why I'm not.
"Some dirty scoundrel hid my clothes I get to all tho dnnccs
And I was loft to 'hide. "
And have a pretty good time
And Suntlny night xxxxxxxxdntes
And ex everything
but
TERRIBLE.
Nobody hloves me.
.

EDITORIAL STAFF.

DenrcBt Edna;

Free-verse- d

gift-tim-

THE IDOL OF Hit FAMILY.
(Technique.)'
D. M.: "Merritt, are you the only
son in your family?"
Merritt: "As yet, yes sir."
D. M.: "Then you must be the idol
of your family."
Merritt: "Sure, I've been the (idle)
of the family for the past ten years."

Sad Thought.

the wisdom

"I'm in doubt about

lot arresting;

the

"Why? I should think you'd waat
them punished."
"It may be all right to punish them,
but as a consumer I'm afraid they'll
raise prices again to get money to
pay their fines." Detroit Free Free.

*