THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

QUIRRELc

FOOD
Lucile Cook

Ky.-Al- a.

HIBERNATIN'

and I have decided the time had come
They
exams (P. S.
for
Yep! That's what we went and
but
don't know whether it's
done. You see, wery prof that Akkie
it doesn't make y difference.) And
Akkie being so popular, 'specially after she came in on the beauty contest
(why, we just had to use a shot gun
to keep the men who wanted to see
her away from the house this weekend) she just had to hibernate to
study and burn the illustrious midnight oil. 'Course, she didn't want to
do this hibernatin' process all alone
so I sez, "Akkie, 111 stay in this weekend with you." (Really, I didn't have
to study for these modern methods of
torture, me being just naturally smart
and knowing it all before they told
it to me.)
Well, Friday night we begun studying about 7:30 and by 10:00 Akkie's
head was on the table and she was
sound asleep. It was just a little
close in the room or something, and I
was nodding a little, perhaps (?) so
after waking Akkie, we decided to
call it a day
and iretire.
i

mid-ter-

mid-ter-

---

Collegiate

Dress Shoppe
Opposite

Kentucky
Theatre

(well-spen-

'Sunday-schoLesson
Love thy prof as thyself.
Learn thy lessons now in the dar

t)

of thy youth.
Knock not, that ye be not knocked
Do unto others as they would lik
to do unto you.
Many take exams, but few pass.

NOTICE!

"Mother, if' I get married when I
grow up will I get a husband likr
Daddy?"
"Why, yes, dear."
And if I don't get married will I
be an old maid like Aunt Susie?"
"Well, all r gotta say is, that it'
a pretty tough world for us wimmen
isn't it, mother?" Panther.

House Managers
And Stewards

Call 1466 - 4710

'

ChoiceW

Between Ladies
"And when Mrs. Grubs sez you was
n't no lidy, wot did you say?"
"I sez, 'Two negatives means a in
firmary' and knocks 'er down."
Humorist Londor

Also Butter, Eggs and Old Ham

A Personal Touch
The professor had asked time an''
again for the students to put a morr
personal touch in their themes, so onr
of the papers which he received ended
thus:
"Well.'professor, how are the wife

Poultry Co.

Moore-Disho- n

Akkie got real poetic when she
thought of the nice bed and sez.
"Our lessons come in never ending
line,
And pester us all the dav.
But what we started to say, it's fine
lo crawl into the billowy hay
And leave them until tomorrow."
Now ain't that cute ?
Saturday and Sunday I never stud
ied so hard m all my life, though I
came out from the hibernatin' long
enough to find out the
score
But Akkie tricked me (I oughta
known she would.
She's just the
type) and went to the Triangle house
dance. I wuz awfully mad about it
and they, wuz awfully glad. Why, a
dance on this here campus just ain't
a success without Akkie.
Oh well, I know I got A's on all
the quizzes for in physiology vrt
were asked to locate the stomach and
I put down "just south of the ribs.'
That's right, ain't it? Then in his
tory the prof asked us the easiesJ
questions, like to tell who Lloyr
George was. Did you ever? It look
like anyone would know that, thr
brother of King George of course.
Anyway, it's awful the way the
profs work us poor young thing
It just ain't right. Why, we can't
enjoy life, we re so run down, as th
ledestrains say. Well, there's a silvei
lining to every cloud, and we can a'
Miank our lucky stars there's such
thing as Armistice Day. Imagine i
no classes after ten bells and a bee
parade! Hot dog!

S. Limestone

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Kentucky Vs. Tennessee

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Leave Lexington, 9:50 P. M., November 24th.
Arrive Knoxville, 7:30 A. M., November 25th.

Returning
Leave Knoxville, 12:10 A. M., November 26th.
Arrive Lexington, 7:50 A. M., November 26th.

ADDITIONAL

TRAIN

Leave Knoxville, 8:05 P. M., November 25th.
Arrive Lexington, 4:25 A. M., November 26th.

FACULTY HOLDS
DINNER MEETING

Tri-De-

Asso-iatio- n,

ss

speak-easie-

s,

.

u--

Don't Be a
Turtle

--

fac-ilt-

()

()

PREVIEWS OF
LOCAL SHOWS

Hammel's

PHONE 327

air-m- at

"THE SHOW-OFJust how foolish and funny, pate
c and pestiferous, the average
actually appear:
crican show-o-eal life, will be revealed Novem-- r
14 when
Paramount's humr.r
d humorous comedy, "The Show
T" begins its local engagement a'
Strand.
Tn the matter of cast, even th'
ost captious critic will readily ad
it that Director St. Clair is a mighty
e picker. Ford Sterling, Lois Wil--Louise Brooks and Gregory Kel
carry the featured roles, which in
ares acting of a decidedly high
der.
ff

n,

'

"THE CAMPUS FLIRT"
Bebe Daniels!
She's back again
he same vivaciously dashing bit of
aminity who romps through Para-lou- nt
comedies to the accompani-len- t
This

ime, they're all dressed up and
iteeped in college atmosphere. "The
Campus Flirt," written by Louise
Long and Lloyd Corrigan, was directed by Clarence Badger.
Bebe is cast as a "miscast" a girl

r

"ONE MINUTE TO PLAY"
Supose you were a great footbal
layer, the best on your college elev
en and
Suppose you had a father who wa
set against your playing foot
ball and
Supose your father had made r
iromise to give to your alma mat'"
n endowment of a half million
on the day of tha grer
ame which would decide the chamr
bnship your father had threatens'
to withdraw his offer if you played
i the game and
Suppose you knew that your coT
nge mates were not aware of your
father's offer and would not brand
ou a coward if you did not play
What would you do in an emergency
of this kind?
That's the big thing for Red
Grange to decide in the crucial
moments of his big football scene
in his first starring production for
F. B. O. called "One Minute .to Play,"
poming to the Kentucky Theater on
Sunday and continuing through

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FIVE

ho is sent to an American coed
and kiddies; and, by the "way, before
system and Dr. Miner outlined it for
I forget it, could you lend me five ucational college because it is her
the benefit of the rest of the faculty.
dollars?" Penn Punch Bowl.
father's alma mater. He feels that
The meeting closed with a general
his .daughter's snobbish, arrogant
discussion of questions affecting memA man in the hospital for mental ways are merely a veneer through
bers of the university staff.
cases sat fishing over the flower bed. which the girl's true character will
A visitor, wishing to be affable, re- come smiling after a period of shoul
Professors Discuss Defects in
with other students.
"How many have you
marked,
A course of instruction along the
Present Marking System;
caught?"
Of course, Bebe gets off on the
line of first aid and mine rescue, has
Seek To Equalize Value
"You're the ninth," was the reply. wrong foot. How she changes and
been offered to the students of the
of Grades in Departments
Depauw Daily. finally "finds" herself, creates and
University of Utah by the United
causes an ocean of laughs.
lt
(answering telephone)
"The Campus Flirt" will open at INSURANCE IS DISCUSSED States Bureau of Mines. The lines of
"Delta Delta Del"
the Strand Theater Wednesday, No
instruction include the use of
oxyOther end of line "Oh, I heard you vember 17, for a three day run.
An open meeting of the University gen tank and actual exposure the pois
to
.he first time.
of Kentucky branch of the American onous gases
such as are present in
Association of University Professors mine disasters.
Certificates signed
BEN ALI THEATER
Sophomore
(dilhgently
vas held at 6 o'clock Thursday night, by the United
seeking
States Bureau of Minc3
.omeone to clean his shoes) "'30'"?
November 4, in the University cafe- will be given to
all those who com
'THE CAVE MAN"
Freshie (still innocent) No, just
teria. The meeting was in charge of plete the course
When a flapper tries to tame r
seventeen.
Drof. J. C. Jones, instructcor in the
cave man she is more likely, to fine
epartment of history and secretary
Dartmouth
herself the tamed one, according te
f the Kentucky branch of the
the latest Warner Bros, film, "Th
We overheard an upper classman
and faculty members and
Cave
rying to give his views on this year's Ali Man," which will be at the Ber Tiembers of the staff of the university
Theater Sunday.
ushing season, "This pledging busi-iewere present.
with Matt Moore L
is developing into an attenuated
Dinner was served and the program
Cave Man" is Marie Prevost
ame of 'Button, button, who's got "The
sgan at 6:45 o'clock. The program
who plays a bored little society gir
he button?
onsited partly of a ten minute talk
who takes up the coal heaver as a
y G. W. Butler, of the Prudential
In these sophisticated days of loud fad, and is carried off by him in tru Life Insurance Company, on "Group
caveman style.
peakers and
there is
isurance" and how those connected
ne thing to be thankful for.
No
ith the university can take aHvan
"THE CLINGING VINE"
"reshman class can be so hopelessly
mge of this system. A general
As head of a big paint concern
rmple as it appears.
followed the reading of this
she knew all about paint except th
Dartmouth
aper and a committee of five men,
kind the flappers use. But when sh
he chairman of which is Edward
"Have you heard the latest son" earned the rest of the paint businesr Wiest, dean of the College of Com
;t, 'Oh, the Road Is Always she was so astoundingly attractive sh
erce, was chosen to investigaf
'moother on the Other Fellow's lad the men flocking.
roup insurance on the campus and
;de' ? " Dartmouth
Such, in brief, is the story of "Th
ake a report at some future meeting
Ringing Vine," a delightful corned:
: the association.
"Twenty yards for slugging," sai'' omancc in which Loatvice Joy i
"A Study of the Marking System of
'd the referee.
ar and which comes to tha Ben
a University of Kentucky," the
"Half off for pleading guilty?" Theater Monday, November 15, a'
principal paper of the evening, was
sked the son of a lawyer.
shows through Wednesday.
:ven by Miss Mary Agnes Gordon,
ij
In hsr characterization as an ef
graduate student in the registrar's
Egocentric
.
"eminate "frump," Miss Joy is as
partment.
Miss Gordon discussed
"Is he
.ppealing as she is fascinating, aft'
variation in .different departments
"Self centered ? Why, that guy she learns the true value of pair.'
to the value of various grades.
hinks 'Hail, Hail, the Gang's AH as used by the modern girl. Tor
Ttain departments give 50 per cent
fere is a solo." Life.
Moore is featured as leading man op
tore A's, 50 per cent more B's, 50
posite Miss Joy.
er cent more C's, and 50 per cent
Chance of a Life Time
Five acts of vodvil complete th
ss E's than others. A discussion
""IRLS WANTED All coming social program.
n how to equalize grades followed
events. Qualifications: Eyes, same
his paper. It is the hope of the
y
A turtle keeps his shell
olor; Hair, be no henna; Feet, mates;
to find some means of equalizing
'THE FAMILY UPSTAIRS"
''eeth, all of 'em; Mentality, must be
for years, and pulls in
he value of A, B and C.
Should a voune man wait until h
ood dancer. All applications, photos
his head when some one
Professor Leland, of the College of
nclosed, will be filed m order received had saved a small fortune befor
seeking the hand of the girl of hi.' Jommerce, suggested that all the
comes near.
Address
choice?
If he is just an ordinar: trades be turned in to the Registrar's
Chas. Heidrick
A man in an old overcoat
ffice as they stand and then be equal-ze- d
bank teller, should he permit himsel
Dow Caldwell
by a board of equalization which
to be scared stiff by the blatant van
feels like doing the same
Guthrie Bright
ould be similar to our tax board
orings of a fussy but
William Richards
thing when he sees some
hich equalizes assessments.
mother who is trying to marry he:
James Augustus
one he knows.
He's
daughter to the best possible advan
Professor McMullen, of the College
Arch Bennett
tage?
clothes conscious.
f Education, suggested that grading
Dudley Williams
light be helped by having five gradThese were anion? the Question:
John Rachel
You can get a smart new
ations instead of three A, B and C,
Allan Simpson, cast as Charles Gran
Leving Y. McCarty.
s we now have. There would not be
overcoat here for as little
Will act, evenings that he rates had to answer in "The Family Up
then; between!
:he boots.
Adv. stairs," Fox films version ofHarr; mch a difference,
as $20 up to $39.50, and
;rades.
Dclf's play which opens at the Ber
be proud to wear it.
Al? theater next Thursday and nlavr
It was suggested bv Professor WL. Roberts, of the College of Law,
through Saturday.
Five acts of vodvil will also be nat an grades should be of two class's. The student should either fail
presented.
or pass.
Dr. C. C. Ross, of the College of Ed.
KENTUCKY THEATER
ication, and Dr. J. B. Min
140 W. MAIN
ihe department of psychology, dis- STRAND THEATER
"MIDNIGHT LOVERS"
Never take a bride on an aerial ussea me .Missouri five point curve
THE FRESHMAN"
honeymoon!
How often have you wished that
This admonition to nromectiv
'ou could see yourself as others see
ou or that others could see them-elv- bridegrooms comes as a result of th
Prompt Expert Service
Delivery All Over Town
Harold lessons taught to Lewis Stone in his
as you see them!
"amb, as he is portrayed by Harold ole as a major of the Roval Flvinr
Joyd in "TJie Freshman," at the Uorps in "Midnight Lovers," the Firs
ational production, which is bein
trand Theater Saturday, is shown
o you as he sees himself, and as he shown at the Kentucky theater thi
week-enThr
3 seen by the entire school.
Anna Q. Nilsson plays the role of
:vo reflections are widely different,
or in the eyes of Harold he is a lhe frightened bride, who goes alof;
n her honeymoon with an
ero the school's most popular fel
lusband. He shows her all the trick:
iw. But, in the eyes of the school
'as, he's the biggest boob that ever of his trade in order to impress he.
CLEANING
PRESSING
REPAIRING
romenaded the campus! Incidentally, nth his importance as a flying man
'arold may teach you several other nd only succeeds in making he:
"lings, among them, how to win a deathly sick, and very antagonist!
THE LARGEST and BEST CHINESE LAUNDRY
towards aviators.
"otball game.
IN THE CITY. Any time your work
not

of a thousand laughs.

SCHEDULE

PAG2

Incorporated

*