preparatory to nlighting
once more on the soil of my childhood,
I feared I wasn't being noticed ns I
should, considering nil the hunting
and the banners. 'Bout that time I
sees my fnmily, nnd they nodded
like and motioned for mo to join
them. As I steps into the midst of
the crowd, I caught sight of the read-imatter on the banners, and It
seems ns if they wuz celebrntin' the
nrrivnl of some big feller who wns to
speak on "the Seamy Side of Life
Which Needs Sewing j" and
ten, I wish to repent Akkic lives in further that I was about as it seems
I in .Tcllico).
as a ring from an alarm clock.
JELLICO ONCE MOKE
Well, ns the trnin chugged into .TcAfter that blow, I felt as stunned
Well, nfter flnnlly accomplishing llico, I sees the band out, nnd nil the popularity. Well, the next morning,
the feat of getting six dnys work done folks diked up, nnd the mayor reading though I hndn't nttended the lecture,
n scrap of paper which undoubtedly
Mrs. I'urifiky, who is the biggest gosin three, due to the kindness of our
was his "welcome home" speech to sip and
in town (we wuz
to enjoy the me. I tell you about thnt time, I had in the general store)
denr profs who wanted us
asks me, "Akdnys hefore our holidny as much ns the warmest feelin' nround the region kie, wo'uns have a great respect for
possible, I and Akkie caught our re- of my heart, and I blessed every one ns a siren with tonsilitis, so I deterspective dinkies to our respective of those denr home folks who loved mined to spoil some of that feller's
homes (for fear you all have forgot
your opinion beings you go to thnt
there university what used to always
get in trouble over revolution.
What did you think of the speech last
"Mrs. Purifiky," I replies, "through
diligent study, I linve acquired quite
n knowledge of the English language,
of the delivery and acoustics of
speeches, and also of intellects, and I
would say that though his head is full
We help you maintain it. Vintt us regularly for your hairof vacant nooks, his brain children
Have you met "Shuck," the new barber from
are orphans. He really is in dire
Shelbyville? Ladies, your neck clipped free.
need of n mental crutch."
After that oration I sweeps by Mrs.
"Satisfaction Always" '
Purifiky only to encounter Hezzie
Earnhouser who graduated in my
class at high school. She says, "Akkie, I'm in love with that man who
gave the address last night. He is all
the world to me. What would you
advise me to do?"
"See a little more of the world," I
MAXWELL and LIME
says in my most collegiate voice.
"Do Rolled Stockings,
Make a Girl Immortal?"
As I stood on the Inst step of the
A Slight Precaution
"Can you sign your name
with your eyes shut, daddy?"
Son "Well, snut your eyes nnd
sign my school report."
"Gawd help the rich,
The poor can beg;
Gawd help the (lame,
With the wooden leg
Cause she can't Dance
The Students Barber Shop
J. R. Robinson, Prop.
style is combined
with quality and long
life, as it is in a Stetson, there
can be no question as to the
hat you should wear.
Styled for young men
TRY OUR SERVICE OfiCE
You have the satiefacti.ii of 4mmc
When a tapering waist is in reach
of your arm,
a wonderful plumpness
Do you argue the point twixt the
right nnd the wrong?
Maybe you do but I doubt it.
was on a moonlight sleigh ride,
As We glided o'er the land,
That I safely called her 'darling,'
And stroked 'her little raincoat.
I held her little raincoat, 'Oh,
How fast the evening flies.'
My soul filled with rnpture
As I gazed into her lunch-baske-
TRUSTS, Professor Frascr, Dean
of the Minnesota Law Faculty.
Professor Burdick, Dean of the
Cornell Law Faculty.
of the Cornell Law Faculty.
Second Term, July 29 to Sept. 3
AGENCY, Professor Thompson of
the University of Pittsburgh
WILLS, Professor Vance
Yale Law Faculty.
INSURANCE, Professor Vance.
BANKRUPTCY, Assistant Professor Robinson of the Indiana
University Law Faculty.
PARTNERSHIP, Professor Wilson
of the Cornell Law Faculty.
Stevens of the
Students may begin the study of
law in the summer session.
For catalogue, address the
Cornell Law School
Ithaca, N- - Y.
3 meals served, on the campus, every
school day'. Open forenoons for sandwiches, milk, chocolate, coffee, ice
cream and candy.
P. 0. Box 2193
should come in for its share, too.
can stand it if you can. So write
instead of thinking it, or of saying
where it won't do any good. This
Get it off
for your edification.
after vacation, and another has to rub
YOU WILL ALWAYS COME BACK
All New Cars
First Term, June 21 to July 28
CONTRACT, Assistant Professor
Whiteside of the Cornell Law
The human body cannot always disThe Proof
tinguish heat from cold, and the
She "I showed father the verses
if it is cold enough, will burn the
you sent me. He was pleased with
THE CRAB SESSION
I am a Crab
a Human Crab. The
only difference between you and me is
that I come out' and crab about the
things that don't suit me. You don't.
You sit around and fret and get all
hot under the collar, and don't put it
down in black and white. It gives me
a great deal of satisfaction to get
things off my chest.
don't go to suit me, I just go ahead
anyone who will listen.
and crab to
When I hear anyone crabbing, I take
note of it on my cuff and write it
Some few write out their
complaints and send them to me. One
promising young man who is well
known in the social world, has written
to me, crabbing, because his name was
not in the RED LETTER just before
vacation. It seems that he thinks he
deserves a little free advertising as to
styles and action, which he didn't get.
You know, when these contributions
come in, I gaze solemnly up at the
stars with a fervent prayer of thanks,
for it saves a deal of wear and tear on
my own dome. I don't like to exercise it any more than I,am obliged to.
And there is another thing I want to
Vacation time is supcrab about.
posed to be a time of rest and pleasure, and here one prof, has to go and
spoil my whole vacation by telling us
that we will have a quiz on Tuesday
"I'm surprised at your tailor turning you out like that."
"It's not his fault. He can never
get the right measurements I'm so
Summer Session "
SURETYSHIP. Professor Campbell of the Harvard Law Faculty.
ination "Hoochers" get poisoned, the
"Bootleggers" shoot each other and
the undertaker gets the "remainders."
"Tliink this over, Hnnk!
time thnn it takes that boob out there
to read this line, Henry Ford makes
another $10.00," said Charleston Char
ley this morning while a guest at the
corner lunch wagon.
New York Bar.
A good many people don't have to them."
make faces, Nature saved them the
What did he say?"
She "He said he was delighted to
A man wants to know if a crook find that I wasn't going to marry a
goes straight to the penitentiary; how poet."
may smokes in a smoke stack; why
docs a chocolate drop?
Headline in Kentucky newspaper:
Prohibition is working out by elim- -
'Petting,'! flesh, ns
it in by announcing another for
They sure are getting
ready to beat down on us.
One contributor has sent in the following; I think I quite agree with
him in his spirit:
"It was Friday, last week, in a 10
o'clock class, and a 1 o'clock class was
my .last. I was tix'ed of the work, and
I longed for the rest from the drudge
of a week almost past. And I longed
in bed, but I
to be home,
kneWsuch a thing could not be, for
I had work to be done that same afternoon, which would keep me some
rushed. Golly, Gee! And a date, too,
that night, and I knew very well that
'twould not be so good if I'd miss.
So I'd rest not that day, nor till sometime that night, for the date was one
I WOULD NOT miss.
Gosh! Ain't it
That isn't so bad for a starter, is
it? I hope he will keep the good
He has promised to send
in another in a few days.
Now here's the idea of this column.
You nil have some sort of crabbing
And I am a
you would like to do.
regular crab myself. You write out
your troubles, and send them to me.
Just address them to The Crab, P.O.
Box 2103, University Station. I'll get
them, and as many as that bird who
runs this papey will give mo room for,
Let us have
I'll print in this column.
some serious crabbing, and some
might even i verm it a
littlo poetry to get in hero, even if it
isn't crabbing about something. It' it
isn't good, I'll do the crabbing myself.
So jar loose. I need help. There are
lots of things which aren't right in
Maybe' your crabbing
won't be about the university or campus life at all. It may bo ubout the
city, or legislature, or prohibition.
(Page Mr. Kversole.)
The Ox Woman
On an East Indian farm, where the crop is tea, a
wooden plow turns up the rich black soil. A
woman drives, another woman pulls and a black,
ox pulls beside her.
Six hours under a tropical sun, a bowl of cold rice
and six hours more. Then the woman goes to her
bed of rushes, and the beast to his mud stall.
Tomorrow will be the same.
The electric light, the electric Iron, the vacuum cleaner
the use of electricity on
the farm for pumping water,
for milking, and for the
cream separator are helping to make life happier.
General Electric research
and engineering have aided
in making these convenl-ence- s
A new series of GE advertisements showing what
electricity is doing in many
fields will be sent on request.
Ask for booklet GEK-1-
The American home has many conveniences. But
many American women often work as hard as their
Oriental sisters. They toil at the washtub, they
carry water, they churn by hand all tasks which
electricity can do for them at small cost, in half
possibilities of electricity are
constantly becoming more widely recognized. And
the social significance of the release of the American
woman from physical drudgery, through the increasing use of electricity in and about the home, will
appeal instantly to eveiy college man and woman.
CFNFK AL ELECTRIC