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AFTER JUNE 4

TUESDAY

THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

EDITION
KERNEL

SEMI-WEEKL-

UNIVERSITY
I. FX I N(;

VOL. XXVI.

OF

KENTUCKY.

SENIOR EDITION
It's AM in Fun

KENTUCKY
TUESDAY,

MAY 2fi.

NEW SERIES NO fil

V.m

Final Examinations Are Tabooed
By College Intelligensia And By
Snoop Kelly The Campus Kop
Winsome Women Will Wax Senior's Conception of New

Durty - Nosing

Season Opens

Student Union Building

Wiles With Winning Ways
Every Woman for Herself
and no Hitting in the
Clinches, Is Rule

SOLDIER BOYS
TO STEP HIGH

the time for all good
to come to the aid of
their grades. With finals Just two
days off, and the profs already off,
the great army of D. N.'s would do
well to get out the old apples and
start polishing with a will. You
Now is

know, "Will you pass me, prof, or
will you not?" And if the right
technique is applied hevill, with

a

will.

Along about this1 time, the winput on their best
some
smiles, s mar their voices with
honeyed tones, and set to work.
Even though the prof may be old,
and decidedly bald, he can not resist the charming smile and flattering look of attention bestowed
upon him by the wilful Cleopatra.
Fir more A's have been made ir
g
the iast week of school by
cramthan by
ming put together. The male students of the University are not
above such methods, but they are
far outclassed by the females of
the species. So to close with an
gathadage, "A rolling dirty-no- te
ers no E's."

PWA to Assimilate Grads
What Want Good
Paying Jobs

ON FIELD DAY

i

Colonel

:

Brewer's Pride and
Joy to Display Wares Before
Moms, Pops and Sweeties

co-e- ds

JOHN McKINNY IS
RAILROADED PREXY
Cadets Are
Asked to Refrain from
Over Indulgence

Faint-Hearte- d

STUDENT UNION BUILDING

dirty-nosin-

ht

Hi Schoolers Have
Blow-ou-

t

Saturday

No.

1

Minor Sportmen ODK HONORS TEN
Are Fed by Local
Alumni At Hotel MORE,S20 EACH

Soldier Boys

Either Stoll field is the dustiest
about this time of year, or it rains
tl.3 hardest on Wednesdays, because the military department has
decreed that tomorrow afternoon
all the frsoh and sophs and their

and no banquets makes
upperclnssmen officers, along with Jack a dumb track, tennis or golf
their sponsors, good, bad and in player. So thinks the Lexington
different, must drag themselves f Alumni club, so they ups and has a
out in the burning sun In their hot big feed for these boys last night
(adv) hotel, at
uniforms and sweat through a lot at the Phoenix boys were given
whlrh
of maneuvers and such stuff and sweaters time the
with big blue letters on
be butchered to make a University
them in which to parade around
field day.
'
'
campus next fall.
seems that the first thing Is to f the
It
This was the first feed of Its
let all the proud mothers and kind, as there are banquets each
fathers that have gathered in the vear for football and
stadium (along with upperclassmen men but they've never had one for
who have come specifically to laugh the
minor sports
at their fellow students) to see how boys. Track, tennis and golf are
the whole mess looks together, so considered minor sports around
for the first number on the pro- here but are rapidly growing and
gram the regiment will pass out In have done better in the past year
review. Then everybody gets In a than the last few teams in one of
neat line along the field and you our major sports, if we may say so.
have to stand there for hours while The track team, despite the fact
a lot of talking is done by the of- that they had no track (Just like
the
ficers up front, except for a briei pool swimming team who have no
because it was being reconrespite when you have to throw structed,
had a very successful seayour rifle around a bit in a du pont
son, placing fourth at the Southmanual of arms. If you haven't eastern Conference track and field
fainted form the heat by this time championships held
Birmingyou are given "at ease (?)" and are ham and winning dualat meets over
allowed to stand out there (.nc" Vanderbilt and Berea. Dave
n,
(Continued from Page One)
the SAE's bid for fame, broke
the mile record at Birmingham,
it being only the fourth time he had
been on a cinder track this season.
All work

4

HI 8CHOLERS HAVE

..
J
If anybody noticed a lot of blowing and tootin and sour notes on
the University of Kentucky campus Saturday it was the annual
Kentucky Hi School Music Festival.
Approximately 3.000 noisy,
brats from all over Kentucky were turned loose to roam
at will, armed with most vicious
sounding horns and instruments of
various calibres and doubtful ancestry.
Some of the bands were rated
superior (nobody knows what they
were superior to unless it was the
Salvation ArmyV Some excellent
others good and the rest, though
they received no rating, were positively lousy. It Is estimated by
I'!-W-X-

peace-dLsturbi-

Commencement Program
Wednesday, May M

14

pm. Military Field Day and ROTC Graduation Exercises,

Stoll field.
Wednesday, June 3
IMpm. Senior Ball, Alumni Gymnasium.
Thursday, June 4
I Jt a.m. Breakfast to the Graduating Class given by President
and Mrs. McVey, Maxwell Place.
1:00 to 10:30 a.m. Registration of Alumni, Administration building.
,
10:30 a.m. Class Day exercises, Memorial hall.
10:30 a.m. Meeting of Board of Trustees.
13:30 a.m. Class Luncheons.
3:30 pm. Baccalaureate Procession forms on Plaza between Physics and Mining Buildings and on drive leading to
the Administration building.
3 00 pin. Baccalaureate
Sermon "The Voice of Prometheus,"
Dr. M. H. Lichliter. pastor, First Congregational
Chunh, Columbus, Ohio.
4:30 pm. President und Mrs. McVey at home to Alumni and
guests of the Graduating Class, Maxwell Place.
7M pm. University of Kentucky Alumni Banquet, Lafayette
Hotel.
Friday, June I
I N a m. Commencement Procession forms on Plana between
Physics and Mining Buildings and on drive'leading
to Administration Building.
KM am. Commencement Address "Prologues," Dr. Thomas
Parran, Surgeon General, United States Public
Health Service.
13 SO p.m.
Luncheon Guests, Friends. Alumni, and Faculty of
the University, University Commons, McVey Hall.
3 00 pin. Meeting of the Alumni Association, Fuculty Club room.
,

Seniors may obtain their cups and gowns at the Book Store
rglnnnig this morning and until Commencement day. A deposit
of $3 cash mmt be made when the gowns are taken out. This deposit will be returned when the gowns are turned in. Graduates
are urged to return their gowns as soon as possible after

More Reprobates Roped Into
Outrageous Drunken
Krauthead Lodge

;

,

Pupils, Armed with Instruments of A'l Calibers,
Roam at Will

President McVey To Kick
361 Lugs Out of College

hard-worki-

Ro-ga-

Those who kidded Coach Bernie
Shively along enough to get a letter were Jack Crain, Dave Rogan,
Ben Willis, Cecil Hellard. Ray For-de- n.
William Miller. Charles Gates,
Joe Moore. Langan Hay, Ralph
Nevers, Elmore
Ernest
Carlisle.
Simpson and William Jacobs, managers.
Letters were also presented to
six members of the undefeated
frosh track team: James Adam-soPaul Durbin, L. H. Miller, Robert Rankin. James Relyes. Borlce
Turner, and Jack CUnkenbeard and
Tom Culton, managers.
The tennis team has lost only one
match this season and that t
Michigan State 5--4 after an extended trip in which they encountered such teams as Notre Dame.
Indiana, Wayne College and other
Big Ten schools. Those who talked
Coach Downing Into letters were
Elvis J. Stahr, James Moore,
from Page One)
n,

ed

Dean Bring Him
Corn to Office
afternoon,

Yesterday

Dean T. T.

ALMA MAGNA MATER
CLUB THROWS PICNIC
Omicron Delta Kappa, socitey for
campus
reprobates,
dishonorable
souses, and leaders held revelation
of the mysteries of Its five - quart
organization for ten outstanding
campus bums at 5:30 yesterday at
the campus memorial barn.
The stooging revelry was followed
by a bacchanalian gluttoni zing at
the University Uncommon (also uncalled for) at which the have-be- en
sots entertained the would bes with
forgoing of food
the perennial
which had been accumulated
all
during the year by the custodians
campus hash house.
of the
After this affair the members
by this time it was impossible to
distinguish the new from the old)
stckkered to the house of Long
John Barleycorn Ferguson's great
great niece for a further investi-tio- n
of what comes after the fifth
quart. As the Kernel goes to pres.
tht. campus's outstanding flops are
engaged in an election of oflcers
which may already be over but nun
of the members have been able to
stand at the phone long enough to
tell us who they are. At any rate
we can give you the names of the
miring officers who at this time'
are probably completely retired if
not already out: Grand whoois:
Dave Dopey Difford, asistant provoker, Alias Jakeleg Statu-- , official
stooge Dickie Dickery Boid. and unadvised faculty member Roy Joy
Killer Moreland.
(Continued from Page One)

Jones of this county, Drought into
the Kernel office one of his prize
ears of corn, grown on his south
forty, down by the Kentucky river.
The Dean, called T. T. by all his
friends,

has long been known

there parts as the champion

corn raiser of Fayette County. The
missus came in town with old T.
T., and paid us a very pleasant
visit. We hope she will revisit us again some time, and partake of our hospitality. T. T. left
the ear of coin, which is three ft.
in length, in our olfice, and invites all his friends to come in to
(Continued from Page One)

POP'S BANKROLL TO
BE RELIEVED, MAYBE
Well, everything's about over except the shootin (improperly called
examinations), so University authorities have decided that it's
time to dispense with a few
hundred of those who have loafed
around- the campus halls for four,
or five years, and as1 a result 361
candidates for degrees in the six
colleges and graduate school will
walk around in a XXXXX maze of
teas, luncheons, recreations, baccalaureate services, etc. next week
which will end when they stumble
across the stage of the Alumni gymnasium to receive a white piece of
paper from President McVey all
tied up In blue ribbon (the paper,
not President McVey). which says
that all is well and good luck and
all that and we hope you get a job,
as the University's 69th annual
commencement program swings into action.
The Commencement program officially begins with what the military gentlemen choose to call "field
day." This will be held on Wednesday afternoon Just as soon as classes are out and you bet home and
put your uniform on. All the cadets, with the good, bad and indifferent sponsors, stimp around in
the dust and grime of Stoll field
for three or four hours and compete foi cups, get commissions.etc.
More details about this spectacular
event in other columns of this
4 in Memorial hall at 3
o'clock will be baccalaureate services. This is where the first academic procession comes in. All the
faculty, staff members, graduates
and XXXXX executive officers of
the University don their hottest
robes p.nd hoods and process in
the burning sun to Memorial Hall
where they sweat through an hour
of service, this time ti be administered cheerfully by Dr. Mclllyar
Hamilton Lichliter (you pronounce
it) of Columbus, Ohio. The University choristers will also attempt
a few numbers at this time. June
4 will also be Alumni Day, when
all the old grads come back to waller in the glories of old, see the famous old buildings where they used
to loaf, and all that other hooey
that the Alumni news letters hand
out.
Class Day exercises when the
Seniors have their fun and the
faculty have to sit back and take
the knocks dished out by the class
grumbler, will be held In Memorial
Hall Thursday morning. June 4.
These exercises will be presided
over by the big man of the campus and president of the Senior
class. Colonel Elvis J. Stahr.
The class grumbler will be Ben
Ragland. Betty Boyd is the class
historian, and the class will will
be read by William Conley. Special music will be furnished by
The
various groups of Seniors.
class wit and poet have not yet
been selected.
The committee who planned the
program for the class day exercises is composed of Anna Payne
Perry, chairman; Calvin Cramer,
Arnold Thompson, Malcolm Shot-weand Mary Ounn Webb.
The public is invited to the ex- At 10 o'clock on June 5, will be
the final event namely Commence-(Continue- d
from Page One)
pa-Ju-

ll

Here's How Some Mugs Is Goin to Spend
Vacation If They Ain't Slayed by Finals
By I It AN K -- Ham" Hl'KGKK
The close of the semester looms
Our little campus com
into view.
munity will shortly scatter to the
proverbiul
four coiners of the
earth. .. .Where will tile collegiate
How and
crowd go this summer?
where will they puss those 9a days
of vacation tune?.
Our beauties of 1935-3- 6
Kyian beauty
Frances Woods
queen, two months stay ui me
family cottage on Lake Michigan.
... .fishing. .. swimming .... boat-i- n.

.

i'ff!

For more beauty we turn to the
not the sweating
regiment
n
but those gorcadets
geous tilings that march so proudly
out in front. Wluit will the R. O
T. C. sponsors do at vacation tune?
Lucille Thornton will also bo in
out in Calisomeone's wedding
Evelyn
McAllister "I'm
fornia
going home to see the folks for a
Kay Kennedy "I'll
change''
work again at the State Fair it
also plans to
representative to the Mountain they'll hire me."
plan
to work keep the figure down to proportions
Laurel Festival
(Continued from Page One)
in radio dramatics at WON. Cht- -

.Junior Prom queen.
Nell Craik.
journey to
home in Louisville
Georgia,
on to Alabama to be in
a wedding mot her own).
lovely May Queen.
Lil Holmes
...both summer school sessions
following.
.perhaps. the industrious example of her mother who
as Dean of Women at the
will act
summer session in addition to her
teaching schedule.
Kentucky's
Barbara Smith
..

.

..

gun-lade-

PERKINS
ELECT

RIFLES

STOVERS

Cap Stovers or a Name Like
That to Lead Cracked Unit
to Sixth Consecutive Victory Next Year
.

Well, we see by the papers that
some bird by the name of Strivers,
or Stovers, or something like that
was elected to something or other
by the Perishing Rifles, the cracked drill unit if the XXXX University of Kentucky.
It seems, or it was alleged, that
the announcement of this doubtful honor was made public xx following the annual brawl of the organization at one of our downtown
hostelries. probably the Phoenix,
seeing as how they have a fine bar

there.

Rumor has it that there were
some other officers elected
last
Thursday night, .but don't take our
word for it. It has been alleged
that Dave Flanders, of Battle Crick.
Mich., was given the office of first
lieutenant. H. E. Bullock Jr., of
this fair city, first second lieutenant, and R. H. Butler, of the same,
second second lieutenant.
It is
believed that these big shots will
be installed at the military field
day to be held on the hottest day
of the week, probably Wednesday,
being as how Welnesdays are invariably hot.
Ole Pel Johnson, retiring captain, sorta had charge of things
at the meeting Saturday night, and
introduced the new officers around
to all the boys, seeing as how they
didn't know him befire. It has
even been stated that the boys gave
Ole Captain Johnson a sabre in
recognition of his services to the
Perishing Rifles. Mighty fine, ca-- p.
We always said you had what
it takes.
A scroll containing 62 John Henrys of the members of the unit 'In
appreciation of his services and
friendship to the company' was slung at Lieut. Col. B. E. Brewer,
head man of the military dept. of
Maje Scudder.
the University.
drill master of Perkins rifles was
presented with a rolled gold collar
(not a cough in a carl oad), and
something for his cap.
Incidentally, we Jest learned that
the fellow who was elected captain of the Perishing Rifles was R.
L. Stivers Jr.. of Lexington,
or
Congrats, keed. The
thereabouts.
captain is dead. Vive la captain.

Head This and See

What It I? About!
Alma Magna Mater, that club
that all the former suckers sons
and daughters belong to, threw a
big picnic down in that holler in
front of Maxwell Place last Thursday and between sandwiches elected officers for the next year.
10A

ALMA MAGNA MATER

....

girl,
Jane Freeman, home-tow- n
was elected prexy to succeed Jane
Allen Webb, Willet Rush was namElizabeth Ligon,
ed
secretary, treasurer, and Virginia
Robinson was appointed the one to
get stories like this in the Kernel.

Graduates To Be
Guests of McVeys
Mis. McVe
Pmsiden land
cordially invite all candidates
for degrees to be awarded at
and
the June commencement
at the August comencemeut tc

bieaklust Thursday mlnning
June 4, at 8:30 a. m. The breakfast will be served on the lawn
at Maxwell Place. This notice li
in lieu of invitations, and President and Mrs. McVey hope that
foi
all seuors und candidates
masters' und doctors' degree
Kill come and be their guests
on Thursday morning, June 4.

Many

Hang-over- s

Will Grad-

uate from College Under
New Plan
GOODY, GOODY GOODY

SAYS CLASS OF

19.19

It was announced at the janitor's office late last night that there

will be no final examinations this
year. As a matter of fact, he said
that he didn't give a gol-da- m
if

there were final examinations any
year.
When asked for his opinion on
this statement, President McVey
said: "This marks a revolution in
the methods of
and
as far as I am concerned it marks
a revolution in the methods of
(He's repeating himself).
Garllng. the former editor of this
paper, says: "Now I can graduate."
Opinions of other campus celebrities vary: Kelly the Kop says he
is highly in favor of the movement
but that it will necessitate two assistants to cover the Botany garden beat.
Joe. the elevator boj says: "It
marks a great revolution In the
field of
Scoop the scoop says: "Don't look
now. but goody, goody."
Composite opinions of the campus bells is to the effect that all
their unique methods of dirty-nosiwill go for nought.
The cook at the commons said:
"It marks a great revolution in the
field of
We say: "Aw, Nuts"!
A warrant for the arrest and
prosecution of the faculty of
the University of Kentucky on
the charge of illegally and unlawfully giving final examinations was worn out today by
members of the senior class of
the University.
Claiming that according to
Article V, Section II. page 1.
of the Bill of Rights of College
seniors, final exams are declared null and void, the indignant
fourth year students charged finals unconstitutional and signed the warrent as 1 mon.
English professors are quoted
as saying, "It ain't so." Elvis
Stahr, spokesman for the Senior
class, vehemently replied, "The
Hell it ain't!! It's all a scheme
to make us stay in college another year. We demanl our rights."
Police found no clues.
ng

Time Sheets Due
In Dean's Offices
All National Youth Administration time sheets should be in
the offices of the Dean of Men
and the Dean of Women by
Monday, June 1. NYA students
should arrange with the Dean
of Women and the Dean of Men
for the disposition of pay checks
because the checks will not be
sent to the University until
June 15.

Kampus
Kernels
Mrmbers and pledge of Delta
Chi. the "Sour Muh"
journalism honorary, will have
their final blowout tonight from
H till
t at tiie home of Bromo
Sulzer, fatuity advisor, on Ay
I'liue. All pledges are urgently asked to take the chicken
proposition w iou.Hl y and have
their chickens at Brouio's by 3
so that
o'llcHk this
proper preparations may be made
by the cook.
Other refreshments will be provided, and a
ICuod time will be had by all, we
Si ma

rd

hoie.

Strollers

will meet in Room 4
building at
Administration
4 p m today to initiate new members und discus plans for next years
pioductions. All members are
be present as this is the
Just meeting of the year.

it the

*