xt7tht2g8079 https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt7tht2g8079/data/mets.xml Norris, Zobe Anderson. 1905  books b92-92-27695147 English J.S. Ogilvie, : New York : Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. Twelve Kentucky colonel stories  : describing scenes and incidents in a Kentucky colonel's life in the Southland / by Zobe Anderson Norris. text Twelve Kentucky colonel stories  : describing scenes and incidents in a Kentucky colonel's life in the Southland / by Zobe Anderson Norris. 1905 2002 true xt7tht2g8079 section xt7tht2g8079 




             TWELVE


KENTUCJKY COLON EL STORIES.



                DESCR IBING



 Scenes and Incidents in a Kentucky Colonel's
           Life in the Southland.



                   BY



        ZOE ANDERSON NORRIS.



         COPYRIGHT, 1905, 1 Y
    J. S. OGILVIX PUBLISHING COMPANY.




           NEW YORK:
J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY,



57 ROSE STREET.

 
This page in the original text is blank.

 



























          THANKS ARE DUE

      ", THE NEW YORK SUN"

             FOR THE

PRIVILEGE OF PUBLISHING THESE STORIES

           IN BOOK FORM.

               -ZOE ANDERSON NORRIS.

 
This page in the original text is blank.



 














         TABLE OF CONTENTS.



                                          PAGE.
The Colonel Gives the Facts About a Kentuckv
    Shooting ...... 5
A Mtild-mannered Kentucky Family ............. 17
The Broken heart of Clabe Jones ............... 28
The Kentucky Colonel Has a Grievance ........... 40
The Mother-in-Law Feud in Kentucky .......... 51
The Kentucky Colonel Tells of the Feud Two
    Women Started ........................... 59
The Lonely Old Alan Who Was the last Survivor
   of a Kentucky Feud ...................... 67
Very Set in His Way is the Kentuckian .......... 75
A School Ma'am Bred in Old Kentucky .......... 84
A Breach of Kentucky Etiquette Which Was Worse
    Than Laying Down Five Aces at Poker ...... 93
Mortifying Blunder of a Kentucky Gentleman .... 101
There Was Once a Kentucky Masterson ......... 108

 
This page in the original text is blank.


 













Twelve "Kentucky Colonel" Stories



THE COLONEL GIVES THE FACTS ABOUT
       A KENTUCKY SHOOTING.

 "IT is very fatiguin' to me," said the Kentucky
 Colonel, "to heah all this talk goin' the roun's
about Dave Colson.
  "I knew Dave Colson; knew him pussonally.
Why, he was one of the finest fellahs you evah
laid eyes on, and the mos' mild mannald man.
Time in and time out I have sat there at Cham-
berlin's, at Washington, laughin' and talkin' and
chinnin' with Dave Colson. I nevah saw Dave
Colson shoot at anybody what hadn't begun to
                    5

 







6   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



shoot at him fust, and that's mo' than you can say
of mos' Kentuckians.
  "You remembah, don't you, the shootin' of the
Galligers at Harrodsburg, Ky., when you was a
little gurl Well, Dave Colson's careah was
somethin' like that man's what did the shootin'.
All the shootin' he done was fo'ced upon him.
  "I know you haven't forgot that shootin' of the
Galligers because I have heahd you tell about it
-how you was comin' down the main street of
the town when the shootin' commenced, and saw
it all.
  "Harrodsburg is a pretty lively town in the
shootin' line, I know. It's customa'y for the
women and children to drop flat on the flo' when
the shootin' begins there, and stay there till they
quit, not darin' to go neah a windah.
  "You know, then, how the whole trouble of the
Galliger shootin' come about. The Galligers got
that,man up in a room, won all his money away

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLOINEL" STORIES.



from him, then beat him ovah the head with a
hoss pistol.
  "The man-I forget his name-was laid up two
or three weeks from the blows. Then, as soon as
he recovahd-he was a lame man at that-he
stood up in front of his barroom and shot the
whole posse of them as they come out of the
Poteet House, across the street. Cleaned out the
whole endurin' fam'ly.
  "Yes, you're right there, he did spaah one. The
youngest son, I remembah now, as he come out to
see what the shootin' was all about and saw his
father and two brothers layin' on the ground,
shot thro' the heart, the lame man he says to him,
says he:
  " 'I aint got nothin' agin.you. Go on back in.'
  "And the young fellah he went on back in, and
saved his life.
  "Now, I call that shootin' under strong provo-
cation. What right had them there Galligers to



7

 






8   TWELVE KENTUCKY COLONEL STORIES.



beat a po' lame man ovah the head with a hoss
pistol None a tall.
  "It was the same way with Dave Colson. The
same way exactly.
  "As I tole you befol, Dave Colson was a fine
educated, cultured man. He was a. college-bred
man and as meek as a lamb until he got stahted.
This was how they stahted him:
  "He was a membah of the Legislature in his
own State. Then he was sent to Congress. He
threw up his position in Congress to go to Cubah
in the Spanish-American Wah. He was made
Lieutenant in that wah at a little post called An-
niston, in Alabamah.
  "Now, at the same time there was a young man
at Anniston servin' in the army as private, I
think, named Scott. He was a nephew of Brad-
ley, who was Gov'nor of Kentucky.
  "This young fellah thought he would run
roughshod ovah Dave Colson and he couldn't do

 







TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEEL" STORIES.



nothin' with him on account of his bein' a nephew
of the Gov'nor of Kentucky. That was where he
was mistaken. You can't run roughshod ovah
any Kentuckian with any sort of spirit in him.
No. I didn't say spirits; I said spirit.
  "Young Scott made every sort of trouble he
could for Dave Colson. There wa'n't a mo' in-
subordinate young man at that post than he was.
Doin' it out of puah devilment, just to see how
much Dave Colson would stan'.
  "After a while they all got together in a bar-
room down there at Anniston and Scott began to
insult Dave Colson to his face, he and some
frien's of his. They was too many for Colson that
time, just as the Galligers was too many for the
man that afterward shot them.
  "These young fellahs shot Dave in the right
ahm, the pistol ahm, and they paralyzed it slight-
ly. Then they hit him on the temple, givin' him



9

 







10  TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



the blow that finally ended in his insanity and
suicide.
  "Well, Colson he was laid up fo' about three
weeks with this blow on his head and his bad
ahm. Then when he got up there was somethin'
doin'.
  "But by that time his company had broke up
and he wa'n't Lieutenant no longah. So he went
to Frankfort, Ky.
  "As it happened, young Scott went there, too,
and for the second time they met in a cafe or bar-
room or somethin'. There was some hot words
and the fight commenced.
  "As I tole you befo, Dave's ahm was slightly
disfiggered by that pistol shot-of young Scott's
down at Anniston, but he done the bes' he could,
and that wa'n't half bad, s' far's shootin' goes,
even for a Kentuckian.
  "It's about the worst thing that could happen
to a Kentuckian to have his pistol ahm paralyzed,

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL: STORIES.  1t



but, as I say, Colson, he done the bes' he could
undah the circumstances.
  "Well, Scott-, he began to shoot fust, 's far's I
kin get the right of it; then Colson, he lit in, and
what he done was good and plenty.
  "Scott, he was a big giant of a fellah, like a
baln do' to shoot at. Nevah no feah of not hittin'
him, long's yore sight was good. So what does
he do but grab up a perfec' stranger, and hol' him
out in front of him, samne's if he'd bin a shield.
  "I suppose it is what the stranger got for bein'
around. It's always the outsiders, the disinter-
ested puhsons, what get the worst of it in these
free-for-all fights, same's you, when you come
down the main street of that little Harrodsburg
town, all scared to death, backin' up against the
wall of a house, to keep from gettin' shot to death,
in that there Galliger fight we was talkin' about.
It's a blessed Mwondah you didn't get shot, but I'm
glad you didn't, for one.



 






12   TWELVE KENTUCKY COLONEL STORIES.



  "But to resume, as I say, Scott grabbed this
stranger by the neck and held him up in front of
him to ward off the shots. These strangers stand-



Hie held him up in front of him to ward off the shots.



in' promiscuously about get held up in mo' ways
than one. Yes. You're right about that.
  "Well, Dave Colson didn't do a thing but shoot
plumb through the stranger-his name was

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL STORIES.   13



found out at the inquest to be Demaree, I believe
-and into that fellah Scott.
  "That was a mighty good pistol Dave had that
time. I've often tried to find out the make of it,
but couldn't.
  "Then, you see perfectly well that the stranger
wa'n't no good no longah for a shield. He was
dead as a do' nail; so Scott, he dropped him and
ran.
  "It was about time, because Colson had done
got up his dander good and fine. He shot him as
he ran down the steps, then he shot another fel-
lah-a stranger, too, since I come to think of it-
in the back in such a way that if some special
providence hadn't had an eye on him, he'd 'a'
dropped dead there and then. But he didn't.
Aftah some months in a hospital, I believe they
say he got well. It was a miracle.
  "And that wa'n't all. He shot anothah man in
the calf of the leg, all by mistake-they was

 






14   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL STORIES.



standin' round appa'ently thick as flies in the
summer time, lookin' on-and this fellah didn't
do nothin' but drop dead in his tracks. And it
wa'n't the shot, either. It was heart trouble or
somethin'.
  "And what business did a man with heart trou-
ble so bad he couldn't Stan' a little scratch in the
calf of the leg, in the fleshy paht that shouldn't a
hurt him more'n a flea bite, have standin' i(llin'
about in a Kentucky barroom, where a fight was
liable to occur mos' any minute of the day or
night
  "I believe he disabled or killed five or six that
whirl, Dave did, but that was all the shootin' he
done, and didn't he have provocation for doin'
that You've lived in Kentucky long enough to
be a good judge. Of co'se he did.
  "Aftah that they let Dave Colson alone. He'd
killed 'em all off, you say There wa'n't nobody

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  15



lef' to molest him Well, maybe you're right and
that (lid have sometlin' to do with it.
  "But the saddest paht of it all is this, that the
fust blow the young fellah Scott gave to Dave
was the cause of his death. It's what brought on
his insanity, as I said befo'.
  "ie was took sick and the nuss lef' him a min-
nit, then he got up and dressed and stalited out.
Hitched up his hoss and went drivin' all by
himse'f.
  "I believe, now I come to think of it, that that
there nuss went to sleep. That was how Dave
got free to go out drivin' and shoot himse'f.
  jI was sorry to heali how he shot himse'f in the
hed, fust shootin' his hoss. It was a sad thing to
heah about. It was a sort of pity, too, s' long's
lie was boun' and determined to shoot himse'f, he
didn't think to spaah the hoss.
  "He was a mighty good man, Dave was, one of

 






16   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.

the best and mildest mannahd men you evah saw
in your life, meetin' him socially.
  "I nevah knew him to draw a gun on a man in
social conversation in my life. Nevah.
  "And he wouldn't 'a' done it that one time, if
he hadn't had the ve'y strongest kind of provoca-
tion.
"Pore Dave!"



 







TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  17



A MILD MANNERED KENTUCKY FAMILY.


THE COLONEL TELLS HOW THE THOMPSON BOYS
       WERE FORCED TO CLEAN OUT THE
               COURT HOUSE.


  "I RECKON," said the Kentucky Colonel, "since
you was raised in Harrodsburg you know the
Thompson boys. Of co'se you do. Leastways you
must of heahd of 'em. Theah ain't many people
from Kentucky what don't know 'em or what
hasn't heahd of 'em.
"Speakin' of mild mannahed men, to look at
them theah Thompson bays you'd think that but-
tah wouldn't melt in their mouths, they ah so sof'

 







IS  TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL STOMIES.



speakin' and polite. They ain't to say what you'd
call boys no longer, eithah, but that's the name
they go by and allus will go by, I reckon. Pahtly
because the old man's still livin' and pahtly be-
cause it all occurred when they were boys, the
shootin', I mean, the Thompson-Davis feud, when
they cleaned out the cote house at Harrodsburg.
  "I reckon you was mos' too little to pay enough
attention to remembah jest how it occurred; but
do you s'pose for one miunit that them theah
Thompson boys and the ole man cleaned out that
theah cote house at Harrodsburg because they
wanted to Not by any maunah of means. They
cleaned it out because they was fo'ced to do it.
  "If you evah met one of them Thompson boys
in youah life, you'd know that what I'm sayin' is
true. They ah the loveliest men in the world,
actually the very loveliest of charactahs. Every-
body that's evah known them pussonally will tell
you that.

 







TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  19



  "Yes, I understand' that mos' people in general
conversation is putty particular when they all
with them to keep tabs on what they say, to be
sort of particular about trimmin' up their re-
mahks, not carin' to get trimmed up themselves.
  "Then, too, they ah kind of min'ful of their hip
pockets all the time, keepin' a putty stric' eye on
'em and a hand hankerin' about in their vicinity
in case of accident, whether they're talkin' about
the weather or the price of stocks; but aside from
that, they ah the mos' interestin' men to talk you
evah met in all youah bawn days.
  "W1hat's that Yes. You're perfec'ly right.
People oughter be mo' particular anyhow about
their conversation, no mattah what they ah talk-
in' about, especially in Kentucky, wheah conver-
sation beginnin' with the weathah or the craps or
the look o' the clouds is apt to lead to mos' any-
thing.
  "But I tell you, they've got to mind their words

 







20   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



when they ah chinnin' with them theah Thomp-
son boys. That's all theah is to that.
  "To understan' this story tho'oughly, you've
got to go back to the wah and heah how them
theah Thompson boys was trained. Theah was
three on 'em, Davis and the twins, John and Phil.
Little Phil, they allus called him, to distinguish
him from Ole Phil, his fahthah.
  "Them three boys, the minnit the fust shot was
flahd, run off lickety split and jined the army.
They wa'n't hahdly 15, the twins. Davis, he was
16. But they ran off as I say and fit plum
through the wah, frum beginnin' to end.
  "That is to say, the twins did. I've heahd them
tellin' of their experience in the wah, but Davis,
he set by without sayin' a word. You know the
reason why They captuhrd him at the very
staht, befo' he'd hahdly got out of lHarrodsburg,
the Union officers did, put him in prison and he
stayed theah till the wah was ovah.

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKCY COLONEL" STORIES.  21



  "Often and often I've heahd the twins, finishin'
with the tellin' of their experiences, their wah
pranks when they was alus eithah lightin' into
the enemy or runnin' away from them, accordin'
to how many drinks they had had, tu'n to him
and say:
  " 'Well, Davis, what is youah experience of the
wah '
  "Then they'd laugh fit to split their sides,
knowin' that Davis hadn't fiahd a gun or had one
fiahd at him, fo' that mattab, and so didn't have a
blessed thing to tell.
  "Onct Davis he answers them back.
  "'Theah's one thing suttin,' says he, 'and that
is that I am putty well acquainted with the taste
uv yellah dawg.'
  "Of co'se you undahstan' that this constant ex-
perience of the twins give 'em a good deal of exer-
cise in the way of handlin' a gun. Fouah yeahs!
it ought ter. They got to be the very bes' shots

 







22   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



in the whole country, them twins did. Buffalo
Bill, he wa'n't in it. Shoot pennies into the aiah!
They could shoot anything.
  "Their practice come in handy, too, not so very
long aftah the wah-I disremembah jest how
long, ten or twelve yeahs, I believe it was, though,
I ain't ce'tain.
  "To make a long story short, the ole man he
was, and is to this day, one of the bes' criminal
lawyahs in Kentucky. He is noted fo' his brains,
the ole man is. He is 80 yeahs ole now, and still
hustlin'. Keeps up his practice the same as the
twins, they bein' putty good all roun' lawyahs
themse'ves, from all accounts.
  "Well, the ole man, he had a frien' named
Davis. They was bosom frien's. Davis, he had a
big fam'ly of boys, too, bigger'n ole man Phil's.
  "The fac' of the bizness was that they was such
fi'm frien's that when aftah a while there come up
a case and the man what opposed Davis employed

 






TWELVE "RENTUCKY COTONE.T STORTES. 2.3



ole Phil fo' his lawyah, some people scented trou-
ble right then and theah. And could ole man
Phil he'p people puttin' cases in his hands, seein'
they couldn't fin' no bettah lawyah if they search-
ed the country ovali I reckon not.
  "But when the time come up fo' the trial,
things begun to look ugly. If there'd bin any
cyclone cellahs 'roun' them times, the Harrods-
bur- people'd begun to go down in 'em, same's
the Kansas people get into their cyclone cellahs
when a cyclone's due.
  "It's only recently that the Kentucky people
has got to buildin' cyclone cellahs in cases of
feuds. They call 'cm feud cellahs.
  "Any way so many repotes got out concernin'
the trial and what might happen if ole Phil won
it and defeated his bosom frien' Davis, that the
inhabitants of the towin ahm'd themselves with
hoss pistols and bowie-knives, expectin' trouble.
  "The outcome of the trial was very important

 






24   TWELVE "RENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



to Davis and he tole some frien's of his that if it
went agin him, there'd be a hot time in the ole
town for the Thompson boys. Then they ahmed
themselves to the teeth.
  "The trial begun. It went on pretty smooth
fo' a little while and the town was a hummin'
with a skatin' rink across the street and the chil-
dren comin' home from school, laffin' and talkin'.
It wus the ca'm befo' the sto'm.
  "The case it went agin Davis, as he might 'a'
expected it would, with ole Phil fo' the lawyah
fo' the opposition.
  "The Jedge hadn't hahdly time fo' the words to
leave his mouth, when up sprung all the Davis
family, fahthah and about five or six sons, and
begun to shoot at the Thompson boys. They wus
big, stalwaht fellahs, too, them Davis boys, a
good deal bigger than the twins or their brother,
Davis, or ole man Phil eithah.
  "That theah cote house was filled to overflowin'

 






TWELVE "'KENTUCKY COLONEL: STORIES.  25



when the shootin' commenced. In a shohtah time
than I'm takin' to tell you, it was empty of all
but them what was doin' the shootin' and some
othahs what had fallen flat on the fio' and lay
theah, playin' daid, till the shootip.' could have
time to get ovah.
  "At the fust shot, the Sheriff, he went up to
Little Phil and handed him a hoss pistol.
  " 'Heah, little Phil,' say he to him, 'he'p yo'se'f.
I cain't do nothin' to he'p you.'
  "Then he lit out and you couldn't see nothin'
but his heels.
  "Well, little Phil he he'ped himse'f to about
three of them Davis boys, and the othah Thomp-
sons, they he'ped themse'ves to the rest. It wa'n't
many minutes befo' they had cleaned out the hull
cote house.
  "You see, it was like this: Them Thompson
boys had had mighty fine practice durin' the foah
yeahs of wah. They was bang up shots. So when

 






26   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



it come to firiti' back at the Davis boys what had
fiahd the fust shots, the Davis boys wa'n't, so to
say, in it. They killed off every blessed one
of 'em.
  "And do you 'pose they done it because it was
a pleasant thing to do, or because they wanted to,
jest fo' the fun of the thing Not on youah life.
  "They had to do it to save their own lives.
That's all theah was to that, and it's as true as
gospel what I'm tellin' you.
  "You'd believe it, too, if you could talk a while
with them twins. They ah the mos' smooth
spoken men I evah met In my life. They ah great
ladies' men, too, John especially.
  "Do you think they go about punctuatin' sen-
tences With pistol shots like some othah Kentuck-
ians I reckon not. So far's I know they haven't
cleaned out a cote house since, and won't, unless
it's absolutely necessary.
  "But they do say that since little Phil's done

 





     TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL! STORIrs.  27

took up his abode up Noath and John's taken to
livin' in Looieville, with telephone communica-
tion with Harrodsburg only, the town's a good
deal quietah than it was."



 





28  TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



THE BROKEN HEART OF CLABE JONES.


WIND-UP OF A PERFECT GENTLEMAN OF KENTUCKY,
    WHO ALWAYS STOPPED SHOOTING WHEN
             HE HAD FINISHED.


  "KENTUCKY ain't whut it used to be," sighed
the Kentucky Colonel. "Times is mightily
changed down theah these days. I'm afeahd the
lurid glory of the old-fashuned feud in Kentucky
is depahted and gone.
  "The ole leadahs is dead or in prison or livin'
in peace. Craig Tolliver, he is dead and gone.
Boone Logan and the Youngs is quietly prac-
tisin' the law.

 





TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  29



  "Andy Johnson is a capitalist. The Yallah
Creekahs have become lan' speculators or gone
Wes'. Will Jennings and the Hatfields is in the
penitentia'y and Joe Eversole, he has done bin
killed.
  "A saw log dispatched Jerry Little. General
Sowders is a quiet, well-behaved citizen now and
his ole enemy, Alvis Turnab, has bin slain.
  "No. Things ain't the same now in Kentucky
as they was in the good ole days. They ain't the
same.
  "It's pahtly the fault of Proctor Knott. It's
mos'ly his fault. When Proctor stan's up befo'
the Bah of Jedgment he'll find it'll be putty much
the same's a Kentucky bah. He'll have to ansuh
fo' things.
  "Ten yeahs or mo' agro he took a sudd'n notion
to treat the feudists of Kentucky as if they was
civilized people. Invited the principal partici-
pants of Rowan and othah counties to Louisville

 






30  TWELVE "RENTUCRY COLONEL" STORIES.



to make a little treaty of peace undah his aus-
pices.
  "Whut was the outcome Why, this: To-day
the mo' powerful leadahs in any mountain quar-
rel is hel' to answer befo' the Clark County Sue-
cut Cote fo' his crimes, 's Proc called 'em, same's
any othah ordina'y law breakah.
  "That theah peace conference of Proctor's come
putty nigh breakin' the hearts of them theah
feudists. Some of the mos' prominent leadalis
jes' nachully died in their beds ruthah than lbe
called upon to atten' anothah.
  "Oh, yes. It's jes' Is I tell you. Proctor Knott
he's got a good deal to ansuh fo', a changin' of the
good ole conditions of Kentucky. Things ain't
the same's they was down theah. in my time, that
is, alus leavin' out Harrodsburg, you undehstan'.
  "If you have any teahs to shed prepaah to shed
them now when I tell you of the death of Clabe

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  31



Jones, whut occu'd jes' outside o' Harrodsburg
on the Lexington pike, about fo' miles from town.
  "Clabe Jones he was oriPinally from Rowan
county. When Proc he called that theah peace
conference, Clabe he run away ruthah than suf-
fah the humiliation of attendin' of it. He run
away to Harrodsburg so's to live out the res' of
his days in peace 'n quietude. Seems he didn't
know ve'y much about 1larrodlsburg.
  "But, ennyway, Clabe he was natchully a ve'y
peaceful, long sufferin' man. Ile didn't have
mo'n eighteen notches in his sti(k, (labe di(ln',
and he was a perfect gentleman. Theah wa'n't a
soul in Rowan but would tell yot that Clahe
Jones was a perfec' gentleman.
  "You've nevah bin to Rowan county It's jes'
's well. The people theah walk about in the da'k
with lanterns-mountainousl distric', you know.
Well, whenevah a man with a lantern saw Clale
Jones a loomin' in the distance he dropped his

 






32  TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL: STORIES.



lantern and run. You could allus tell wheah
Clebe had been walkin' the night befo' by the
numbah of lanterns strewed laik ovah the road.
But these same people 't dropped their lanterns
they would be the fust to tell you that Clabe was
a perfec' gentleman.
  "Clabe he wa'n't to say a venomous man. He
was just thorough. That was all. He would
allus stop shootin' when he had finished.
  "He wouldn't keep on shootin' and shootin' jes'
fo' devilment when theah wa'n't nuthin' to shoot
at. He was a patient, quiet man, with a long
gray beahd, Clabe was, and sevvul shotguns.
  "Once he stahted out huntin' fo' some man or
othah he thought needed pepperin'-and he mus'
'a' needed it or Clabe wouldn't a thought of givin'
it to him-when the Sheriff, embold'ned by a
extra drink or somethin', stepped up to him and
called to him to halt. You'd hahdly call it a call
eithah. It was mo' laik a whispah.

 





TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  33



  " 'lMistah Jones,' says he waverin'ly, 'I'm
afeahd I'll have to arres' you fo' carryin' of con-
cealed weppuns.'
  "Clabe was a patient, long sufferin' man, as I
tell you. He didn't shoot him. He jes looked
ovah his head and said to him, a p'intin' explani-
to'ily to the hoss pistols protrudin' frum his hip
pockets, the bowie-knives, the handles of which
was stickin' out o' his boots, and the double bar-
r'led shotgun ovah his shouldah, and he says,
says he:
  " 'Do you call these heah weppuns concealed
weppuns, sah'
  "Then he pushed him gently aside without put-
tin' a single bullet through him and went on a
huntin' fo' his man.
  "No. Clabe he wa'n't 's hasty 's they make him
out. He wouldn't deliberately up and shoot
everybody he come across. Not a tall.
  "I used to visit Clahe quite frequently aftah

 





34  TWELVIS "UNSTUCRY COLONEZL" TOBRMS.



he come to llarrodsburg, and to show you how
honorable he was, mus' tell you how he allus
offered me a shotgun to protec' myse'f in case the
conversation took a unexpected tu'n and annoyed
him.
  "Sevvul friends and me we used to take dinnah
with Clabe now and agin. We all set aroun' the
table with ouah double barr'Id shotguns at ouah
sides, ready; but Clabe he wa'n't nevah to say
himse'f aftah that theah peace conference of
Proctor Knott's. Nevah was himse'f. Nevah in
a single instance did he allow the conversation to
lead into a channel whut would lead to the use of
the double barr'Id shotguns.
  "W1hat's that Yes. As you say, we mus' a bin
somewhat particulah ourse'ves. You ah right, 's
usual. We was.
  "Oh, yes. Proc lie's responsible fo' the condi-
tion of things now in Kentucky. No promiscuss
shootin' to amount to anything, no cleanin' out

 





TWELVE f RENTUCRY COLONEL" STORIES.  35



of communities, no nuthin'. Mos' 's still and
peaceful 's a civilized country Kentucky is these
days, 'xceptin', of cose, a pitched battle now and
then in llHarrodsburg.
  "But Clabe Jones's death, that wus the saddest
paht of it all. Not that he died to say a natchul
death, but wait till I tell you.
  "Ole Clabe he was putty fon' of drink in his
las' days, putty fond of drink. Took to drink, in
fac,' to drown his troubles aftalh that thealh peace
conference.
  "Well, one day aftah he'd bin howlin' drunk fo'
a couple of days befo', old Clabe he woke up with
a head on him. I happened to be with him at the
tilme. Ile was absolutely perishin' fo' a leetle of
the hide of the dog whut bit him.
  "He'd sent his nigger to Hlarrodsburg fo' a
couple of bottles of the hide. He was walkin' up
and down, up and down, me settin' theah with



 


36  TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



him, my double barr'l'd shotgun, whut he had
handed me's usual upon my enterin' of the room,
standin' handy beside me.



"How fah you reckon he is by now."



  " 'How fah you reckon he is by now' he asks,
meanin' of the niggah, all the time walkin' up and
down of the room like some caged lion. 'Do you
reckon he's done got 's far 's old man Grimes's"



I

 






TWELVE -KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  37



  "Ole man Grimes's is about half way to town,
you remember.
  "'I reckon he has,' says I, consolin'ly, my
fingah on the triggah; 'I reckon he has.'
  "Ole man Clabe he walks up an' down fo' an-
othah half houah, then he puts anothah question:
  " 'Do you reckon,' he asks, ve'y wistful, 'that
he's done got 's far 's the toll-gate by now'
  "The toll-gate's a mile frum town, yoh remem-
bah.
  "'I reckon he has,' savs I, still consolin' of him
'n still a keepin' of my han' on the triggah, be-
cause old man Clabe's eve was a gittin' mighty
wild and theah wa'n't no tellin' whut might
happ'n.
  "He walks up and down, up and down, like a
ole lion, completely perishin' of his te'ible thu'st.
  "'Do you s'pose,' says he, beginnin' agin pres-
ently, 'that that theah confounded niggah has got
pas' the toll-gate yet'

 






38   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL STORIES.



  "'I s'pose he has,' says I, addin' hastily, as
Clabe come putty close to me in his walkin' up
and down, 'I s'pose he has.'
  "Jes' then ole Clabe he heahd a noise in the
vicinity of the stable. He rushes out the do', me  
at his heels, because he thinks to himse'f, 'Theah,
now, that theah blamed niggalh he's done come
with the whiskey aftah all, darn his ole( black
soul,' and a thinkin' of this to hisse'f, he cries out
in stento'ian tones:
  "'You Caleb!' that was the name of the nig-
gah; 'you Caleb, is that you Have you done got
them theah bottles Bring 'em to me quick,
you-' but it wouldn't do to repeat the wuhds
he used, in the presence of ladies.
  "I had followed ole Clabe. We had got neahly
to the stable when I heahd the voice of ole Caleb
callin' back:
  ""Law, Mars Clabe, I ain't got no whiskey yet.

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  39



I ain't stalited yet. I couldn' fin' de bridle fo' de
Illllle.'
  "I hate to tell you whut followed. It is too
te'ible, but I s'pose I mus'.
  "Seems like that theali peace conference had
tak'n all the heart out of ole Clabe. He nevah
wahl hinmse'f aftaliwalid.
  "Ile jes drew his double barr'l shotgun on his-
sqef and shot hisse'f through the head with it.
Then he fel I dead in his tracks because lie couldn'
stan' to wait anothah three houahs fo' that theah.
whiskey.
  "Didn' wait to shoot the niggah and the mule,
as he would 'a' done if it hadn't 'a' bin fo' that
theah peace conference. Jes' shot hisse'f.
  "011, yes, Proctor Knott, he'll have a good deal
to answah fo' at the Bali of Jedgment fo' changin'
of the good ole conditions in ouah natiV' lan.
That's all theah is to that."



 






40   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL' STORIES.



    THE KENTUCKY COLONEL HAS A
               GRIEVANCE.


  "IT is ve'y fatiguin' to me," remarked the Ken-
tucky Colonel, "to obsu've how people generally
attribute every feud in the world to Kentucky.
How they appeah, to locate every one of 'em,
seems laik, at that little ole town of Harrodsburg.
  "Now I ain't sayin' but Harrodsburg's a putty
lively town when it comes to feuds. I understan'
that the drummahs maik mighty quick trips
through heah, skippin' out sudden, befo' the
shootin' can have time to commence; that some
on 'em now and agin have displayed coat tails
shot full of bullet holes, wheah they have been

 






TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.  41



fiahd at on the run to the depot. But that don't
prove so ve'y much, does it Drummahs is sech
cheerful liahs as a rule. They'll tell anything.
  "Yes. I have heard that story of the drummah
that slept in the room ovah the office at the Com-
mercial Hotel, that theah little frame hotel on
the cornah, you remembah, as you go up the Dan-
ville pike. How he heahd a kind of noisy racket
down below him all houahs of the night, looked
laik. How he thought as how it was a dance or
somethin'.
  "Then when he went down the nex' mawnin' he
foun' the nigger boy sweepin' up somethin' that
looked to him laik Malagah grapes up off of the
flo'. Sweepin' of 'em up in a dus'pan.
  " 'You mus' 'a' had a mighty fine pahty heah
las' night,' he says to the nigger in a casual way,
'to be so reckless with youah BMalagah grapes as
that.'
  "'Laws, massa,' replied the nigger, showin' his

 






42   TWELVE "KENTUCKY COLONEL" STORIES.



teeth and the whites of his eyes in a grin, 'these
heah ain't no Malagah grapes. They done had a
little fight down heah las' night, and these heah's
eyeballs.'
  "Oh, yes, I've heard that theh story and a good
many othahs; but that ain't no proof, is it, that
all the feuds that evah cleaned out whole fam'lies
stahted at Liarrodsburg No. It ain't no proof
at all.