THE KENTUCKY KERNEL. Friday. April 22.

6

5

Softball Games Could Send
More Idiots To Asylum
si

By BILL HILMTLK

s?

If more student.

i

e
onto the field, while
the other sorority lined up to wait
their tarn at bat.
Prlscilla Prunef.jce was first to
bat. Mi.v Prunefacr had a determined air. but she struck out. Her
sorority sisters lwked at her disgustedly and began talking among
themselves about the possibility of
Jerking her pin.
The next girl up wa Ann Awkward. Oiggling ar.d smiling she
watched four balls go by. "Oh. I
get to go to that first little sack."
she belloacd. And she loped off to
first.
Carol Cringe, the next batter,
swung a mighty blow with her
reedy arm and sent the ball four
feet. She ran .to first base waving
to all the spectators. Miss Awkward was on second repairing her
makeup.
Martha Moron hit a foul and
Miss Cringe scurried around the
bases, only to find her trip in vain.
Cursing in a Southern drawl, she
went bock to first. Miss Awkward
was still patching up her face.
Miss Moron connected again, by
sheer luck, but a burly co-e- d of the
opposing sorority caught it on the
fly. Another luckless wretch struck
out. and the second sorority came
in to bat.
The umpire explained to the first
sorority that It was their turn out
on the diamond. A tearful girl
wailed that she hadn't gotten to
bat yet, but they drug her out on

ostrirh-lik-

went to girls'

jsoftb:ll Ran.cv there would be an

-

overllow of idiots in The Asylum.

i

:""

-

We came to this conclusion re- -;
rently after having watched one
of these weird games. The contest
involved two sororities. Quite an
experience.
The participating co-emere
warming up for the gme when we
arrived. We strolled over to the
tench and watched.
One co-ein kin tight shorts,
was chew in; gum and swinging a
bat simultaneously. She noticed
irale spectators and hiked up her
shorts accordingly. "I'm so scared."
she twittered.
' You'll do fine. Bertha, honey,"
screamed another co-e- d
to her.
"Your form is ,
ds

--

d.

she added. We
wondered what
the screaming
d
meant.

co-e-

Looking

DEIMOS

EARTH'S
MOON

60

MARS. DIAMETERS-

()

--

at

Bertha's somewhat weighty

form,

we

de-

that the
screamer was Li- :i'--t- i
referring to
cided

-

Acknowledgment: I ara indebted
- to Dr. Donald Clayton Rose for his
excellent account of the. phase of
the moon during the crucifixion of
n.
Christ, reported in last weeks'
Through error, credit to Dr.
Rose was omitted.
THE MOONS OF MARS
All the people I know have lived
on a planet which could boast of
but one satellite. They call this
satellite "Moon". It has some peculiar characteristics in. that it
turns on its axis but once in a trip
around the mother planet, re- -.
volves about this earth from west
to east, yet travels so slowly that
it appears1 to travel from east to
. west, and was really born of Earth,
being torn from her- - bosom some
; two billion years ago.
It is believed
;
that no other sateli;te of any other
planet has been created in this
manner. ..
Our moon has probably been one
test of the . powrr of suggestion:
More than one reputable astronomer, "discovered" a moon very
similar ; to ours but belonging to
Earth's sister planet, Venus. Its
orbit and size were reported to
have been computed ar.d they, like
"Venus,-werin complete agreement
with the corresponding observations of Earth and Moon.
This leads us to probably one of
the most fantastic guesses in the
development of astronomy, from
rs
the deep dark aes when
knew nothing, to the present, when, relatively speaking, we
know only a little more. Well over
a hundred years before the discovery ' of the two tiny satellites of
Mars,- Voltaire mentioned them in
a story and Swift, in "Gulliver's
Travels," had the Laputans discovering them. The sizes were surprisingly accurate.
In 1877 Asaph Hall discovered
the two moons and named them
for the two seeds of the god of
war, Phobos: (fear and Deimos
(panic). Phobos ia about 10 miles
in diameter, revolves at a distance
of 4,000 .miles fror
Mars (one
completes one
sidereal revolution in less than
eight hours, rises every eleven
hours, and is abov? the Martian
horizon for only four hours. It is
unique in that it revolves faster
than the mother plar.et (or should
we say "father" rotates and thus
rises in the west, races across the
sky eastward, and se!:s in the east.
Deimos. on the oth?r hand, is
smaller but farther frox Mars. It
is only five miles in diameter and
has a period of rotation of 30
col-uw-

.

f

!

.

hours, and .is 25 percent longer
than the Martian day. Consequently, Jt .rises in the east and
gropes its way across the sky westward. Because of. its lagging behind, this allows a man on Mars
to be urned away. - Deimos actually remains, in the Martian sky
for about three days.
The sketch above shows the relative sizes of Mars, Earth, and the
orbits of Phobos and Deimos. Our
moon would be shown 60 Mars'
diameters away. at. one-hal- f,
the
diameter of Mars,
If one of our duck hunters were
to visit Mars, Phobos would appear
to him to be about one-thias
large as our moon but much, much
dimmer. - Deimos would have the
appearance of ..Venus.- - However,
our friend would probably be a little disgusted. Phobos would be
"flying; too fast to shoot and
Deimos . . . .well it's no fun shooting a sitting duck. '
Q." How does refraction of light
by our earth's atmosphere effect
the apparent position of a star?
(STT)
A. The illustration above will
serve to show that the nearer the
star is to being directly overhead,
that is. at the Zenith, the less is
the error in observed position and
actual position. As the star "sets",
rd

big Bertha's batting skill. That,
however, wasnt too hot either.
d
"Play ball." yelled a
dead-panne-

umpire. Thereupon the two
sororities began screeching excitedly. One group of girls ran

Mars-diamete-

r),

,

Remember The

By YVONNE EATON

The UK Speech and Hearing
Center is one of the Important
service centers on campus about
which little is known by students.
3esides the services it provides, it
also gives practical training to
hose who are training in. speech
pathology and or audiology.
it
The center is a
training service project operated by tm?
Department of Psychology, and the
College of Arts and Sciences in
cooperation with other subsidies.
These subsidies are provided by
the Lexington Junior League, the
Lexington Council of Jewish Womthe error becomes greater, the star en. Kentucky Society for Crippled
always being lower than it appears Children, and Fayette County
to be. Thus, we actually see stars Chapter of the Crippled Children's
and our sun after they are below Society.
the horizon. A similar , effect can
The purpose of the center as debe obtained by placing a coin on fined by Dr. Charles Diehl, directhe bottom of a bucket and then tor, b (1) to train professional perpushing the bucket away from you sonnel in the field of speech pathuntil you no longer see the coin ology andor audiology and in the
over the edge. By adding, water related areas of psychology, educathe coin can be seen.
tion, sociology, and physiology and
Q. Is our north star also the (2) to evaluate, advise, and give
north star of the other planets? 'herapy to persons who have
(PT)
speech and hearing difficulties.
A. No. The north star pointed
The services are conducted under
out by a particular planet depends he supervision of the center diupon the planet's inclination on rector, a staff composed of an
e
its axis and the plane of its path audiologist, a
speech
around the sun. For instance, Den-e- fherapist. a classroom teacher, a
the bright star in the summer graduate assistant, therapists in
constellation Cygnus (The Swan), training, and an executive secre- is the rorth star of Mars. Strange'ary.
ly enough, due to precession, Den-e- b
Regardless of age. sex. color,
will be our north star about
or ability to pay. anyone
9.000 A.D.
xith a speech or hearing handi-- !
Questions are answered only cap is eligible for service. Specific
through this column. Please ad- fees are listed for the services, but '
dress your questions to: Professor nay be adjusted so that they will'
J. C. Eaves, Head, Department of be commensurated with a person's
Mathematics and Astronomy, Uni- ability to pay. No one is denied
versity of Kentucky.
service for lack of funds. The fees
(Next Week: Our Own Little
listed are only a fraction of the
Giant. Jupiter)
actual cost of the service rendered, j
All clients who cannot pay will1
Copyright 1955 by J. C. Eaves
be assigned to clinicians in train-- 1 '
Ing who will provide therapy under
supervision. If a paying client is
assigned to advanced clinicians In;
training, appropriate consideration
Kippa Sigma Formal, Phi Tau Dream
vill be made In regard to a re-- 1
Girl Formal, Patterson Hall Formal,
.

non-prof-

--

re-'igi- on.

'

This

Remember

Semi-Forma-

l.

Week-en- d

...

KELLER-ORA-

M

for

FLOWERS
This Week's Speciol

ORCHID CORSAGES
Reasonably Priced
Special Net Prices for Students and Group Service
M

ing to do with speaking clearly aries. A graduate usually can start
and distinctly), cleft palate speech, at about $400 a month. Not nearly
stuttering, voice . disorders, speech . enough students at the present aro
defects caused by a child associat- going Into the profession to fill
ing with a person speaking a lan- the need.
guage other than English, defective ' At present there are only sevea
hearing, cerebral palsy speech and students at the University majoraphasia (loss or impairment of the ing In the field. Dr. Diehl
the
power to use or understand students are committed said Jobs
to
speech).
long before graduation and more
A student wanting to go into the requests keep coming. The Jobs
field of speech pathology and au- are all over the I'.S. Part of the
diology may do it through two training is. actually working with
courses of action at the University. the various patients admitted to
He may major in psychology and the center for therapy.
Dr. Diehl said that one reason
specialize in speech and hearing.
This is the curricula taken gen- more students do not go into the
erally by those who want to do field of speech and hearing is that
hospital or university clinic work. it is not taught or emphasized in
The student interested in the the high schools of Kentucky.
public school approach or state
level Jobs can enroll in special education in the College of Education.
For this, 45 hours in professional
education, 18 hours in special eduWe were thinking that UK need
cation. 4 hours in physical education and health, and 51 hours ia another program similar to Stars
electives with emphasis on such in the Night. We'd like U recomthings as psychology, social sci- mend a program to honor the one
ences are needed.
Dr. Diehl said that the profes- or two girls who don't get one of
sion Is one that Is open to both the million awards in Stars In the
men and women with good sal Night

Day Stars

full-tim-

b,

Cosmopolitan Club

KELLER-ORA-

Awk-ward-

Speech And Hearing Clinic
Provide Many Services

star-viewe-

-

the field anvwav.
Alice Aafut wa the new pitcher.
Making a horrible fare, she lord
the ball furiously. It struck thi
batter, and it looked like a sorority
war wxs inevitable, nut the umpire straightened things out.
The second sorority, gifted m it It
an array of Amazons, scored fite
runs, in a row. Sarah Stuefoot
knocked a homer and ran the baes
popping her gum proudly.
Gladys Oourdnosr drove toward
second on a swing, and Miss .Moron, the second basr woman, ran
terrified. "Why. Marthah. deah.
you should have caught the silly
thing." gurgled Miss C ringe.
Miss Moron smiled at her insipidly. "I might hate broken a
fingernail." she explained.
The game was interrupted when
Justine Jerkwater refused to wear
her catcher s mitt. "It's too smelly."
she moaned. The sorority president
promptly replaced her.
Somehow or other the first sorority got U bat again. The girls
this time, decided to try Miss
's
technique of just letting
the pitches go by. Unfortunately,
Shirley Sureshot. the opposing
pitcher fooled them, and the umpire ruled one strike after the
other.
Both sororities were tiring at this
point, and Miss Pruneface complained that the diamond was
much too dusty. Thus the umpire
called the game for lack of playe.-s- .
We're not sure who won.

FLOVER SHOP

LOCATED IN CHEVY CHASE

870

E. HLGH ST.

.
vision of fees.
Any student enrolled at the L'nl- -

i

versity is automatically entitled to
he services of the clinic. No more
'ban two individual therapy ses- - j
dons a week, however, are offered.
The defects considered for eval- lation and for therapy are delayed
speech, articulatory disorders (hav-- 1
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