xt78pk070s6g https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt78pk070s6g/data/mets.xml The Kentucky Kernel Kentucky -- Lexington The Kentucky Kernel 1982-06-17 Earlier Titles: Idea of University of Kentucky, The State College Cadet newspapers  English   Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel  The Kentucky Kernel, June 17, 1982 text The Kentucky Kernel, June 17, 1982 1982 1982-06-17 2020 true xt78pk070s6g section xt78pk070s6g _____~—___________________—————-——
THE flirted-y, Jun 17, 1982 '
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_ Vol [XXXV No 3
Gallaher would become campus chancellor .
I . - Here is an overview of UK’s current administrators, .
N their current titles and their revised titles ~ ..
9W p an WOU a er a mlnls ra Ion under an reorganization plan . .'
to be proposed to the Board of Trustees : ‘ { j, '
_______ assistant vice president for adminis- put the three chancellors in a posi- permits us to more effectivthley deal Otis Singletary President ,4},
By JAMES EDWIN HARRIS tration, and John Darsie, the Uni- tion to be more directly responsive with everyday problems on main , , , . , .? -,. ‘
Associate Editor versity’s general counsel, would con- to needs in their areas,“ Singletary campus." Donald Clapp Vlce Presment ' Admlmstratlon .
tinue to report directly to Singletary said. “They'll have the kind of final A new position, the associate vice Unchanged
____________._ and Cla . authority thatl've had in the past." chancellor for academic support, . . _ . . _ 'l
Beneaftlh the president’s office Singletary said that allowing the would be created under Gallaher. Paul Sears Vice Pfaldgnt Academic [313an 3.3.4
President Otis Singletary, saying, would lie a layer of special assis- chancellors to assume such respon- The post, to be left vacant for one SPeCla Asswtant -Academlc Affairs "2"" '
“We’re trying to get me out of the tants in business and finance, aca- sibilities would free him to conduct year, would serve as a supervisory - - _ - - . I
day-to-day business” 0f running UK, demic affairs and government rela- business for the University on a arm, controlling among other things Raymond Hornback xffhifleselgem UmverSIty Relations
announced June 10 a proposal that tions, the University controller and wider scale than he is now able to. the University‘s library system, its 3
would dramatically reorganize the treasurer and Vice Resident for The president said he desires to extension departments, its admis- . Art Gallaher Vice President - Academic Affairs .;
Univelil-slltyvsl aligninistration for the UlrliiversityllRelatlionsSRayi Illllornbackli Silpietnd rilleoreltime towarfd (Enhancing) :ions and registrar‘s office and its Chancellor _ UK Main Campus ll 'l
secon imeln years. a repor mg 0 mg e ry an ’5 ve men ( un -raismg onors program. - ' - .- .1
The proposal’s cornerstone is the Clapp. program angpho give a good bit Bosomworth would have a cabinet (also continuing m current post) f a-‘li
naming of three UK vice presidents Searches would be required to fill more attention” to UK‘s position of six individuals with new posts to Dr. Peter Bosomworth Vice President - UK Medical Center _,- .3
as chancellors of the University's two of the offices, the special assis- and relationship within the state's include a vice chancellor for aca- Chancellor- UK Medical Center
three main divisions. The chan- tants in business and finance and highereducation system. demic affairs anda special assistant _ , , , _ _ n.
cellors, Singletary said, would be ex- government relations, as they do not Gallaher, as chancellor of the to the chancellor for business serv- John Smith Vice PreSldent - Minority Affairs
pected “to become the chief aca— exist in the University's current hi- main campus, would also have lit ices. Vice Chancellor - Minority Affairs
‘ 'ni tr tive officers 0f r rch . his dis 1 ei t cabinet-rank of i- , , . . , , , t',‘
tillertlhcstitrliligndl’rll s a e line loudness office would coordi- eel-s, 51",?ch whizh will have revised The Medicallclemer, the Umversx- Robert Zumwmkle Vice President - Student Affairs . .
Under the pr0posed restructuring, nate budget and planning functions, titles or duties. John Smith would :3)” 21:53:32; :1: :53th anggllallh: Vice Chancellor — Student Affairs ‘."._.l
Art Gallaher, current] UK's vice internal audits and personnel mat- continue in his current position as , _ . . . . . .53”,
president for academic affairs, ters. The government relations of- UK’s director for minority affairs; supemsmn 0‘ Jack Hall. Dr. D. Kay Jack Blanton Vlce PreSIdem‘Busm‘5? “fall‘s .l;
would become the main campus’ fice would manage federal, state Robert Zumwinkle would become 333?; (legelillrlguldhglsgosllafi: 2: Vice Chancellor ‘ Administration If, l.“
chancellor. and local overnment relations and vice chancellor for student affairs; . i _ _ , - - .‘f ,
Dr. Peter Bosomworth, vice presi- other projegts. Jack Blanton would become vice Vlce Chancellor for clinical allall‘S‘ Wimberly Roy ster Graduate SChOOI Dean Unchanged ‘
dent of the UK Medical Center, The government relations post chancellor for administration; and and Reed 901k would become 599‘ Joseph Burch Dean of Students- Unchanged , 'T
would become chancellor for the would be similar, Singletary said, to Wimberly Royster would continue as Clal la$5l5l3lm lo the chancellor for _ . . i. '
Medical Center and Charles We- the position James 0. King held this graduate school dean. administration. . . T. Lynn Williamson ASSlstant Dean of Students w
thington, community colleges vice spring as the University’s liaison in Blanton, the University's vice The effort to reorganize the Um‘ Unchanged . pmpoudmumnunmm "
president, would become chancellor the General Assembly. King is now president for business affairs, would Vffl‘Slly OlllClallY began May 4. when
Of those institutions. Louisville Mayor Harvey Sloane's serve in conjunction with Zumwinkle Slllglelary tom the boar d be had re- " .
The proposal, presented to a UK executive assistant. “to see to what degree we can im- ceived a letter from the Southern . . ‘I ‘
Board Of Trustees committee in a The academic affairs post would prove services to students now being Assocnationlof Colleges and Schools, Presrdent Singletary 5", top man ‘
90-minute meeting, is expected to be be filled by Paul Sears, currently a provided by two offices,“ Blanton 3'" a?°l'edltm8 agency Wh‘d‘ Vlsned _ I - - w
approved during the board‘s June 22 special assistant to the president for said. [K .1“ March. The letter, Without R t II I ft " 1..
meeting. If approved, the reorgani- academic planning. Singletary com- Blanton would also aid Cfilllaller making . recommendations, sug- eorganlza '0“ WI I some , .:
zation will take effect before the plimented Sears as “an excellent with the University’s physical plant Effie? Singletary ”"514“," reorga-
start ofthe1982-83 academic year. troubleshooter” and said the post division, an area Gallaher said he “1,2310“ 9‘ the Umversxty 5 top ad- I l
The reorganization proposal con- would be “a valuable office” at the lacksadequateexperience in. mimstration. 0f the prBSIdent s burdens 7'
structs an ll-member cabinet of University. Gallaher would also continue in Board Chairman William B. Stur- ‘
sorts for Singletary, who will retain The three chancellors would round his current post as vice president for gill appointed a five-member com-
his title of president. Donald Clapp, out the administration’s upper eche- academic affairs during the first mittee to study possible changes in W governmental relations office. ”We
University vice president for admin- lon. Singletary said all three would year of the reorganization. Gallaher the University’s central administra— By ANDREW OPPMANN can’t go with a whole flock of new :5 .
istration since 1975, would retain his be highly involved in the Universi- said it is important to him to be tion, with Singletary calling such Editor-m-Chief positions."
current post as Singletary’s top ad— ty’s budgetary process, administer— more familiar with the main cam- changes necessary, It is “becoming “There are no new ones in the
viser. ing the University's budget once fig- pus' 12 colleges and their deans, less and less possible for one person —___.__._—~—~——— community colleges (system) and l ‘ v_..w
Nancy Bay, the University’s coor- ures are set. with his goal for that year to estab— to preside over that impressive gal. . . . . _ think there is an academic affairs LII-L
dinator for affirmative action and “The basic issue is that this will lish a management system “which axy out there.” Presulent Otis SinglelaFY'S 10b 15 job and a staff job over at the Medi-
undergomg a rev1Sion to distribute cal Center,"Singletary gall-ll - f
y, - .Ml z -- . several of his present responsibili- Singletary said he hoped the pro :lI-“Ef
am. ties among three chancellors. posed system would slmpllfy some ‘w’
. » ' This revision is part of an admin- of theUniversity bureaucracy. 3;"7? {v
A “'" istrative reorganization plan for the “What (the prOposed System ) '.
' University that Singletary master- really does is bring together under 1 $5}
, minded. one administrative house, some I: t:
.., Subject to approval at the UK things that affect students that have £511.,
Board of Trustees‘ meeting on June been under two camps before like f.
i. If? a l 22. Singletary would divide some of the Student Center, housing and din- l“ ‘ .
a . , _ ' .2 l a: 3 his day-today University duties ing, billings and collectiom," he l;
a“ . l lg lg?- ll ’23 w; “ among three chancellors heading said, . _ . : _
h . _~ ‘ ,4 ,, loll“. 3.322;. " a I I l' the main campus, commumty col- “It is our hope that it gives uz. an -‘
g?“ . a s f . A 9 Zaire" \ .1 "' ' ‘ .' lege system and the UK Medical opportunity to provide a better serv~ , l
l 4? gt (a _ r I ' a . / 4-H f U" Center. ice tea lot of students ina lot of stu- 1
- a” .: . ‘ - ' “It’s kind of an interesting propo dent areas,” Singletary said. “You :2
, . » . sfi sition to change this place some —— may never notice any differ-
' ,. . ‘ ' l West 4-H members. (mending a week but not profoundly." Singletary said. ence. . . . I’d like to think you might l‘ ' 9’.
. a ... “t " - _ ., silos long conference at UK, take some “My hope is that those chancellors notice an improvement." ’
I m"..__,___, ' , .3;- .~ _ ' W f, of“ time off from their hectic schedule will be on top of these places," he The office of the president would f
l ' I do a it’ll? ll, of activities to recreate in tront of said. “Three people ought to be able still have a share of the administra- »~ *5 .
' ' t l ' W ~ . the Student Center. See related to do it better than one. It‘s just that tive burden under the proposed sys- ‘51,“.
l/‘oil . it ' ., . /’“C “i 2* ' . l _g .- siorvl P09e3- simple.” temlhesaid, ,t—l _
. ’ {it‘ll t , .. 1,- y , .. Singletary said the most obvious “I will still be the chief adminis- if?
...,»: :- t i? . _ l ”dill/l if; T, . ‘ JAMIE DUIIIN Photo Editor reason for the prom] iS the gown] native Officer of the Whole Unlversl' ltlll it",
4;... l . . ”3% _ of the University over the years. ty,“ Singletary said “I will be the :-"‘-,'"l‘"
Q 2; 1' lg; - “When you put the community col— board‘s interface for the whole 'f-lf- .
~ or “Mr" ‘ ' leges and this campus together, you range of policy matters affecting the , ‘_ .-
' ‘ are now talking about an excess of University, I} f; -,
I 40,000 students and a very substan- “The chancellors will report to the .-_" l‘
tial amount of faculty and other em- Board of Trustees through me. in ',
ployees,“he said. addition to that, i will keep on with “-315 «Ll
» “It‘s not just that it’s grown big- the governmental relations role — fill/«“h-
. . _» ger, it also has grown in complexi- primarily state, but also some feder-
‘ ty,“ Singletary said. “The commu- al and some local,“he said. ,g', .1
, nity colleges are offering more “We are going to continue to pro—
' technical kinds of programs than vide the central focus for the bienni- )5 ‘,‘-'
' they used to, the Medical Center um budget request for the legis- -
Lam amt“ m 0‘ Law “I my ‘ continues to be out there — the ‘cut- lature and the preparation for the '._‘
. ting edge.’ annual operating budget for the
I “The combination of those two three sectors." The chancellors 2.“, .
Keep,” faCUIty ”9 W dean 8 concern things just means that it's gotten an would administer the budgets. 2f ‘35,;
awful lot for one person to say grace At the May 24 tristees meeting, ll')
over,"he said. Singletary, responding to criticism 7,—ffilii'
__———— constant struggle to hold onto faC- Lawson said. “The problem of plac- Mineral Law Institute that will com The proposal is based upon the ad- from members of the UK chapter of '.‘ .‘
By ”N1 S. KADABA ulty." ing is more difficult this year than tribute to bOth teaching and re- ministration of the University of the American Association of Univer-
Associate Editor Like most areas in higher educa- in the past. it could be the stagna~ search fields. “There is a need for Tennessee and the previom model sity Professors, said the proposed If
tion, budget cuts have taken their tion of the economy. though, and not this kind of program in the law used by the University of North Car- system would not alter the Universi- l :l‘ .
_———-———————— toll on the college. “University bud- thenumberof graduates." school in this state (because) of the olina, Singletary said. 3va academic structure. i". .
get cuts have affected all units and Despite problems with funds, Law- coal industry here.“ “Basically. you have a president “Academic changes would come
Keeping the UlllVCl'SllY'S ”800d. the law school is not any excep— son has plans for one program He said he sees no other major who handles most of the statewide through normal channels,“ including .
solid" law 1:80le lrom accepting tion. . . . We fared as well as other change —— he hopes to implement a 5,, “my ”gem,“ stuff and the chancellors who handle thefaculty senate, hesaid. ,' .‘ l
more lucrative posntlons l3 Dean partsofthe University." SGA President Dinkle says the internal procedures and opera- “in the case of administrative re— ' X
RobertLawson’smineoncem The college lost one faculty and . tionsoftheinstitution."hesaid. organization, the governing regula- ; a,
Lawson, appomted the College of two secretarial positions because of 86 A 8 ate factlons “I hope (the positive benefit of the tions are very clear — that‘s the t ‘9
Law dean on May 4 by the UK thecutbacks, buttheschool's course an system) will be improved manage president's responsibility," Sin—
22;“: «mgmteelesaidclszlilliebzflml offerings were not affected, Lawson - - ment.“ Singletary said. “Clearly. slemry said. ’ ' ;
ac mem- rs as said. h rt t the chancellors will be closer to the “I think (the AAUP) are properly ‘ -
l0 private practice. 01' to other In an attempt to find additional may u organlza Ion day-today operatiom than one pra- concerned about what the impact
schools that can pay higher salaries: revenue for thecollege, Lawson said _______ , nants of previous SGA administra- ident 1‘0““ ever be. i think these might be upon the academic stFuC- "
The quality of the law school m he plans to tap alumni support. “l‘ll By ANDREW OPPMANN tions’ influence over student govern- things have 80m to the point where tureof theUniversity,”hesaid. -' \
the next five years depends on hold- make a special effort to try to get Editopimchjef ment‘s legislative branch. itneedsthis typeof attention." “But, they'll get their chance dur- .
"‘3 onto quality faculty that extst contributions from graduates of the “I think it‘s a great misfortune." Singletary said the new adminis- ins the year 83 the issues come into
here and replaCinC "m that let"? law school up, , . . It’s crucial to _._ .___ . __..______ he said, “because when the Senate tration. while changing the title of focus to have their imput and say on
“til“ quill"! faculty. “d. 3‘1““ what we can do with the law factionalizes itself, it automatically some of the prose-it vice presidents such matters as the reconstitution of
elmt lurid-uremia“ "“3." school." Editor's note: This is the second of a [mesa lotof“; effect, to vice chancellors. would not lower the governing structure or what we .
Out of about as faculty members, The possibility of a surplus of law- twopart interview with Student And it loses a lot of its respect thestatusof their position. are going to do about the structure . , .
one has left for private [lactice and yers could affect the school's future, Government President Jim Dinhle. among the students when they read _ “They Won’t move down; we’re for the dean of the graduate school,“ .
three professors will be on leave of however. “Some people think we're negative articles or negative reports Just CthGmB their titles. he and Singletary said. ,' .
absence in detail. This has Lawson headed towarda saturation and tint The battle lines are forming about the Student Senate," Dinlde “They are some to do mutually Singletary said he believes the
worried. He said it will be a chal- ma have an impact on the law among factions within the Student said. what they do now. The difference is system, when approved, would go
1W9 “to keep the law gclnol guffi- school. Government Association Senate, and While Dinkle said he believes sen- that you have a chancellor here on into effect within the next few
clently funded, to maintain the qual- “it's a problem we need to con- SGA President Jim Dinkle sees this ate factiongligm has not developed misumpinimweddawaidmt. weeks. '
ity we have and to make some front. What makes it difficult is a as his administration’s major stum- into an obstruction yet, he said the Tar example. snide-it affairs on “in July or Anal-t, we'll start
malmgtluelinu.” leckofinformation,"1.awson said. bling block. problem could emerge as a major this camp“ will report to the chem shaking it down and start gettim the
Lawson. repleclm Thomas P. Enrollment for the college has re- “There Will be factions that will issueinthefall. cellor rather than the praident of traffic patterns utebl'nhed. It will ».
Lewis as dean. said he hopes to mined stable, he aid. with about evolve throughout the year. It is Din-mg the summer, SGA's legis- tbeUmversity. megletary laid. be. lotafcoidunion for awhile. Peo-
make the law school better by im- 100 students accepted from an appll- dawn! to the Senate; it is dam- latlve til-alien is the interim Senate, Singletary seldonly a small num- pie who are acct-tamed to coming =
proving the faculty, but a tight bud- cantpoolofimo. using to the students" said Dinkle. canistingof 15 senator: who mlly ber of_new position world be cre- to me for acclaim are going to
get has him mad. ”that's a finding JON. ml in, be- atelecommmicatlomsulior live armmd the Lexington are: and tied. meludlnc one in the Pl‘eli- have to be fanned out to the chen-
dffflcult nutter til-e aye. it’s a come harder for the gradual, The-e factions. he said. are rem- ”mulwm,” dentlal finance staff and one in the cellon,"heuld.
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Associate furor-Copy Editorial Editor Arts Editor Chief Photographer
I - e 1' tell hOW W9" reorganization W0 ks
,_ President Otis Singletary, in his 13 years resources that were preVIously separate and
-, at UK, has become a busy man. He is the difficult to assess the benefits of the plan.
3 only person who effectively answers to the An interesting part of the plan.concern_s
~ whims and needs of over 40,000 students, the UK Medical Center. The teaching hospi- - _ _ ., \__
,- well over 1,000 educators and countless sup- tal and its colleges would become a separate / . . . I l
-. port workers who work in and operate the part of the University system under the'pro- /, ‘ 3 {,1
University's main campus, medical center posal, a situation that has infimte pOSSibili- / l . {ii-“5:;-
’, and community colleges. ties. _ iytx 3311'. I , .
“3 In addition, Singletary in the last two Singletary has previously admitted the / i' _ ‘31.; ' . t;
c‘ years has been on an almost interminable Medical Center was an albatross around. the , -. g. .'__“:.;.~‘ . to
~' I shuttle to Frankfort, appearing numerous University’s neck, saying in an interView, / - g _-;_<.; l-: “-“\,-.;;;;;;l; ~. I d
.‘H. times before the Council on Higher Educa- “We’re not in the business of running a hos- i, .,_‘..:;‘-:..__i-’_.>;f-.. a ' ‘-'-;_.‘~j;§_-I:1 n 5
‘ ":. tion. the governor and state legislators in his pital." . _ . . l 'f l ‘ ” ' 0 fi
*,‘ '- attempts to save UK from further damage to The hospital, by virtue of its financial pic- . ll l“, "i “Hi l’ U tt i (l I it y
if its budget and its ability to remain the ture, seems to be running the UmverSIty: Es- 0, . 1’5 U l l “ 1
state‘s flagship university. timates earlier this year of_ heavy .defICItS, _ /, ‘J, I fl ' 4
~ And there were his other commitments: prOposals to cut back essential serVices and o / 7 (5. “l. // g
5' president of the Southeastern Conference; departments plus proposed hikes of up. to 35 5 ,' . l . . @
-.- commencement speaker at other universi- percent in room rates puts the hospital in the [W \l y “ l: ,
. ties; highly regarded authority in higher ed- posmon of a detriment rather than an asset -. W‘, ) "ll “ t t
‘ ' to the Universit . ‘ H“ .u ‘- fill / ’ till. i l, l
. . ucation Circles. y 'lMI , ll, ,. . , . I ll \\
The Southern Association of Colleges and This is but one of the many problems the \ - ill” “’4’?” ’1 .l l ~\ 9" HERE
-' Schools was a little concerned abOllt Stin- chancellors will be facing here should they \ i /“ [jii -. l r/ ~, , ,
~15. letarv‘s cked schedule durin an accre i- be installed in their new offices. Potential ‘ 1 ,ii I“. -' . . i” ~ ’ ET
g ‘ ' ' “pa ' h o riuch so that ' d r minentl in '//’J "2/ ' ll 3‘ ’ L US
_. . _ tation Visit here in Marc , s downfalls like those feature p o y la J» A A a" I , //
.7-5 the agency wrote Singletary suggesting the the local media over the last year also loom ' if «fl-9,5 HELP
.. 3": president consider reorganizing the Univer- before them. An official close to the preSi- ON’MR My“. ‘ Yd) (TH
o sity‘s top administration. dent‘s office said the new structure would FRESfDENP :' _7 0 W
’ I?" T Last Thursday, a Board of Trustees com- allow the Universty to deal with such prob- . THATSlE”
- mittee heard Singletary's plan to revamp the lems internally before they become publical- \( / 1 u
University‘s leadership. If the full board 1y known. To what degree this is pOSSible re- 4
~ gives the plan its stamp of approval, as is mains unknown. _ . - .
. expected. at its meeting next Wednesday, Future Chancellor Art Gallaher and Sin- ' : i ‘ ' x
f '; the University administration will undergo gletary bOth admit the flt‘St year Of the F901" T , ., ‘ ( ,N \\ t . m \\ ‘
its second shuffling during Singletary‘s gamzauon would be a “Shakedown cruise.” -‘ f y oi A \'*i - , . 5 .l
_ term. whereby the system’s bugs would be worked /' /‘ . - ,. ~ ' f ‘ '1 ‘- 7 3y \ ‘7» ”I
;, The administration promises the reorg;.rii- out and further refinements WOUld be made. 5 112‘. We / '.' hex .. l L k»
,_ 31' zation will bring a stronger problem-solving The pell‘ ask fOI‘ patlence 1n the next year. \§.\imt,g;.; . - . TA ‘ \flm \- = '
- capacity to administrators‘ offices here, with and ”15 reasonable to give 1t t0 them. analog-"$3.; "-‘qn. " " AR khflny‘. l..-. \‘
faster responses to the University’s prob- Singletary has undertaken the rebuilding ,. . 3‘ - ‘ ‘ ' \K‘Qfib
. :3 lems. a greater capability to establish priori— of the mousetrap; time will tell if it really ‘5‘ “ ‘5
, ties and the ability to bring together many works.
D'd d b 7
I you ever won era out nuclear weapons or VD.
" ~ I". Y” 1mm“ the TV every Sunda} night. eh‘.’ And brown. Sometimes it‘s mixed with fi- happen if one of them were used, if dreds of British, Argentine, Israeli, It’s a bleak world out there, gang.
N,“ l (mm, get m. “0150“ I he sits there and talks about his nely crushed nuts that get stuck be the Soviets fired a barrage of 88-205 Lebanese and Syrian citizens have The periods of laughter that serve
- 3;: didn't get the cabin in Maine I got tOPlC- Uh“ “mg” 5 ")Plt' ‘5 ho“ tween your back teeth. You ve got to into downtown Bonn, West Ger- been killed in the last five or six as buffers between the times of sad-
}. nothing but this Job for the summer high all the halls Used in every sport use a fork or a toothpick to get them many? You ever wonder how many weeks. Cancer, heart disease and di- ness are becoming more and more
'1 and the reputedly honorable task of bounce. okay . 0”" That bothers me.“ people would 88t killed? That bOth' abetes, the world’s three biggest bi- scarce.
entertaining you for another eight We” 1"" “m“ had 1‘ mm ”“5 R0 neys humor ‘5 olo, starchy, ersme.” ological threats, are entering pee And I don’t care if that bothers
. “web lt‘saroughlife hosehead Republican, staid and utterly bor- Or to do something really nerve- ple's lives daily. The Reagan Andy Rooney.
. ____________ You ever wonder about how Andy mg. It‘s the sort of humor Fred and rattling, something that starts, “You administration‘s oppressive policies It bothers me.
‘ 5’5"”)ng Jim Rooney got his job? You ever WOllc Ethel. Mertz would enjoy While ever wonder about Herpes Simplex on federal financial aid are denying
7: {be 3:; HARRIS d.” “about.whatnthe-producers ”t spending the evenmg 1", front Of 2? "'5 a veneral disease, a virus industrious students with bright fu- Jim Harris is a journalism senior
{253.- 103 , 3' CB'S "60Minutes seemhlm’ Lucy and R‘Cky Ricardos 18-inch people can catch. DOCtorS can't cure tures the chance to fulfill their and Kernel associate editor for
f: .. 10- You ever wonder if he takes the Dumont black~and~white. “That’s it_ though. dreams. news
1-2.5... at?!” , question (gag ahlittle too tag? You funny, huh. Ethel?” “Shut up, “You can get it by shaking hands '
,- ,5 3- \ I“ \U ever won er if e ends all is sen- Fred." with someone. If ou‘ve ot a little P .
3.1 = tences withaquestion mark”. Andy Rooney spends his time jos- scratch on your hind, itgcan enter R ea I StUden t artyers
_‘j:j.'-,_; Well. who cares. anyway? Come I‘ve got to admit his brand of tling Mom and Pop‘s thinking caps. throughit. ,
in“: Augugf' it's (‘ape ('od time. folks humor is entertaining, but it‘s been He talks about things they know “It fives people headaches that I
; .. inn-Mm a... w... a... .b... m... a... .. i... heads don t take earl calls
5“ next to that pond stocked with trout. George Carlin has established him- daily. like the size of candy bars or off with a chainsaw. People who
,'t“._“.- isn‘igoingiowaiiforever sell over the last ten years as the those new-tangled self-service gas catch it lead miserable lives from , .
two}? I can taste the clams already genre‘s master. spoofing so many of stations. Once in a blue moon, he that day forward. And the number “A b00k has recently been PUb' hlhg- They really had good inten-
”3"“. int-res a little place on Mass 134 man‘s unconsciously hilarious comes up withsomething original. of cases reported is rising every “Shed tltled Real Men don't eet “005 — they meant to Set It done ,
that makes the best fried clams. foibles, You ever hear Carlin do his I‘d like to see him comment every day. That meam Her-peg will proba- Quiche. In it, author Bruce Fen-stein early but then got. inVited to. go
” about $2 95 the basket Two baskets. monologue on urinals" Andy Rooney once in a while on something 58- bly become an widemic soon. That tells what Real Men W1“ and w‘" {‘0‘ party Wlth some friends and Just
liza- .. couple of beers. and I‘m set for would never do that rious. id like to see him start a bothemme,” do. For example, besides not eating couldn’tsay no. _
,: the night Sit in front of the TV. Carlin‘s humor is young. hip. lib- piece by saying, “You ever wonder But this stuff is too dangerous for quiche, Real Men won’t. wear de- Real Student Par tyers know the"
“if; iiaich the Sox on (‘hannel 38. WSBK. eral, sprinkled with Obscenities and about nuclear weapons? They‘re Rooney to handle. Construction Signerleans oralligatorshirts. way around town by where the
-..;.‘, play a little hiic.kr.}._ nou folks. that's always chock full of laughs. Rooney. dangerous. And there are a lot of workers’ jackhammers and the gar- ;—;\—l-_-c— nightspots are located. They are
7513.:7 the lite on the other hand, is like a slice of them, all with different names: Po- bage collector who bangs up your ' Indy the" landmarks.
,.,' ;' But for nowsome pearls white bread spread with peanut but- laris: Minuteman; Poseidon; SS4: garbage cans are safer topics for his DECKER RSPS 315° have matchbooks,
. ‘3'; ter, "You ever wonder about peanut 88-5; 58—20. five-minute editorial. ‘ ' ' 8138595 or some other type 0t souve-
i.’.'i-,'\‘ There is this guy who comes on butter'.’ It's always sticky and "You ever wonder what would The trouble is life isn’t safe. Hun- v . . . nir from almost all Of those night-
;3 ’ x “"0““ Ed'm' spots. They also have memorized all
“A ‘1 ‘ I fl d _ of the locations and times for happy
“gt-J... This is my version of the book, hoursintown.
Summer jObS are hard for students to in w... m. .96, W, cm. W, ,5... l... ,0
:_ i, “if _ . campises. It's titled Real Student keep being alive and healthy RSPs.
tit“. \UU S” I“ a straight-backed W00d loaf of bread and a box of macaroni embodiment of middleclass values filling out applications. I got one of Partyers don't take calls before To do this, they walk or have a
9.3:“;3' en L'half‘. nervous and hopeful You and cheese. You already owe your — with his patent leather shoes shin- the last applications before I heard Noon. 1 mean, everyone knows that friend drive on nights they know
rigs: stare at a man 1h 21 three-Wee? SUIT parents a fortune and our beloved ing and his cologne drifting in clouds them start telling people that they to be able to stay friends with stu- they will become inebriated. This
of)“ 3.. will 8 bald Spot 0" hlS head. Who president has cut off all forms of it above your head —— asks, in an off- were out of application forms and dents who party heavily, they are also will keep them out of jail. lt‘s
. approaches you. sticks out his hand nancialald. hand manner, “You do have your since so many people had applied, it not to be called until at least noon, hard toparty in jail.
j”; ’-_ and 58245. “Hi. my name Is y —____.__.__.——— own transportation, don’tyou?" wouldn’tbeworth it anyway. except in dire emergencies — like RSPs can smell a keg party a mile
‘f. f ,1 We re looking for a spet'ial type This is the last straw. I knew then there was no chance 1 mother died or a car is being towed away.
1-...3 ol perv .i; one who is dedicated. re- Andrew “You stupid twit. Even if I had a would get the job, so I decided to away. They also know what it‘s like to
I“ f 3: \p: ”mole. hardworking. dependable. car, I wouldn't be able to afford gas. have a little fun with the applica- So, here is a list of some of the spend the night sleeping in a bean-
.57}. i-ttu-ieni and able to work well with- BALL Why do you think I‘m applying for a tion. Evidently I made an impres- other characteristics of Real Student bag because it was closer to the
“3,... t .1} out supervision. Do you have any ex- job as a dishwasher in a flea-bag sion because they sent me a letter. Partyers: door.
[fr-l". pvrit‘nt't'in this field?" C l joint like this anyway'?"you ask. Thisiswhatitsaid: Rea] Student Partyers never take Rea] Student Partyers also know
Win/"v No. you are not being internewed 0 ”mm“ After all the effort of putting on “Your application passed our ini- classes before 11 am. or noon unless what it's like to wake up in places
1":3',’ . tor a jot) as the personnel manager ______________ phony smiles, dressing like a Sears tial screening for education and pre- its absolutely forced upon them in unfamiliar to them. Occasionally,
of Him. special assistant to your '-———_ Roebuck advertisement and trying vious employment. However, your order tograduate. they have had to ask their friends
,2. local tonermsman or even manager You have been poring over the to appear dedicated and ambitious, references leave something to be de- Only a Real student Partyer can wmthnppeneduienightbeiore.
' “’ “ “MW" . classified ads for three weeks. You what a relief it is to finally tell one sired, especially your third refer- feel syrnpath