xt79319s2m56 https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt79319s2m56/data/mets.xml University of Kentucky Fayette County, Kentucky The Kentucky Kernel 19370525  newspapers sn89058402 English  Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel The Kentucky Kernel, May 25, 1937 text The Kentucky Kernel, May 25, 1937 1937 2013 true xt79319s2m56 section xt79319s2m56 Best Copy Available

.IGrkpatirick Captures 6th at iCneeland
custom decrees that graduating
journalists each year Issue the final
edition of The Kernel. Don't believe a
word of It; any similarity of names herein
with living persons Is coincidence of the
highest order. The Journalism faculty usually forgets to read this Issue, so It won't be in
too bad a mood during exams, so why don't

A'

THE KENTUCKY KERNEL
UNIVERSITY

you?

VOL. XXVI

LEXINGTON. KENTUCKY, FRIDAY,

I

OF

MAY!,

er,

with a rush.

SECOND RACE Coca-Co- la
Handicap.
Steeplechase.
Purse, afternoon at the Canary Cottage. For
and upward. Distance,
four blocks.
15.00
Shearer (Thomas) ..
4.40
6.50
Sue Smith (Luques)
4.80
2.60
Nadelstein (Nevers)
11.00
Shearer, away slow, saved strength as the leaders fell one by one. In
the hedge-cross-ed
stretch was urged past Smith and held on gamely.
Smith went wide at the turn and allowed Shearer to sneak up on the Inside. Nadelstein, overburdened, finished third under terrific punishment.
THIRD RACE The Linden Walk Flowers. Purse 1 case Bourbon.
maidens and fillies. Distance, four highballs.
For
Woods (Dick)
5.50
3.00
5.20
Bakhaus (Greathouse)
2.70
2.50
Hardwlck (Douglas) ..
5.60
Woods, showing no early speed, romped deep In the field while In the
back stretch. When the leaders slackened, Gamble Dick made his bid.
Woods raced alongside of Bakhaus down the stretch and won by a knee
under Dick's kicking. Bakhaus, who experienced trouble on deciding who
wouia jocicey ner, DroKe well, rated the lead, but could not outrace Woods
In the drive. Hardwick wisecracked with the tallenders but finished
swiftly when promised beer If she ran In the money.
FOURTH RACE The Tavern Stakes. Purse, Swiss on rye and one
Deer, rour
ana upwards. Distance, six furlongs.
7jO0
Harper (Huddleston)
14.40
4.60
Hendren (Miller) ....
3.10
4.20
Hickman (L. Potter) .
2.50
Harper, showing excellent training, broke fast and rode the Bill Daly,
She was never headed, won by seven lengths, and finished breezing. Hen
dren raced second all the way but could not menace the winner despite a
stretch pole vault tried by Miller. Hickman, the favorite, carried most
weignt ana claimed a loul when she discovered Potter carried a bottle of
beer In each saddle bag. Lexy Sexy rode an Indifferent race and drew a
five-d- ay
suspension from the stew-ard- s.
FIFTH RACE The Sigma Nu. Purse, Invitations for one year to all
Sigma Nu formal dinners. Distance, one mile. For abstemious three-three-year-o- lds

NEW SERIES NO. fil

1037

7

J)

MM
PAT HALL

CO-E-

D

Late Racy Results

KENTUCKY

Racy Results
KNF.F.LAND RACE TRACK
Lexington, Ky May 14 Clear; track fast.
FIR8T RACE The Sigma Chi Purse 8 gallons beer. For
olds. Distance, 6 dates.
Settle (Butler)
4.00
2.80
J.20
Murphey (Rawlins) ...
2.20
3.40
Kappa House (Crady)
12.70
Settle away fast was much the best. Butler rated her easy in the
back stretch, fought off all challenges and finished her under wraps.
Murphy, the favorite, was fractions at the bar-ribut made up ground
and finished, courageously. Kappa House, carrying top weight, closed

L
i

FIGURES IN RAID

REPEAT RAID ON WOMEN'S
DORMS BY POLICE REVEALS

J

GO-E-

DS

ARE STILL TRUCKIN'

EXHAUSTED?

lour-year-o- ias

Another Pat hall coed almost
exhausted in the truckin' contest which police say was the
"worst they ever seed."

year-old- s.

Wilson (Mades)
7.40
4.30
2.20
Jones (Holster)
3.30
3.00
' 6.00"
Lady Myrtle (Maddox)
After three choruses of "Sweet Adeline" the Jockies mounted. Wtl
son, broke last, for Mades was finishing his ninth beer, and chased the
neia ior nan tne race. At tne three quarters, Wilson moved up on the in
side ana unisnea unaer punishment. Jones, lagging at the final turn, fin
ished vigorously under Holster's endearing urging. Lady Myrtle, deep In
tne pacK, responaea to neavy k. o.
C. shouting and Maddox drove
gameiy into tnira money, reari, a long shot, fallod to acknowledge Jockey
Ennis's whipping and ploded across the line last.
ld
SIXTH RACE The Kernel Kneelcap. Purse $40,000. For
maidens and fillies. Distance seven galleys of trype. Start
good. Won driving. Place same. Went to press 4:10 off 6:40. Winner
by Paris-KapKappa Oamma. Trainer, Phi Delta Theta.
Kirkpatrick (Dryden)
47.90
12.30
22.00
4.60
Chauvet (Spencer) ...
7.00
Quigley (Chepeleff) .
8.00
Also rans McCammish (Bud Anderson), JtUey (Riddel), Earle
Reagen (Richardson), Robinson (8a,lyers. Minlhan (Arthur)
Tucker (Harris), Gentry (Gillenwater), Doyle (Ramsey), Winkler and
Stephens lost their mounts.
The field broke under a blanket and went to the first turn In a pack.
Entering the back stretch, Riley, tickled by Riddel's remarks, scooted into
the lead. Going Into the back turn, Kirkpa trick made her move when
Dryden threatened to expose her In the scandal column. With the rail
blocked, Dryden whipped his mount to the outside, circled the field, took
command In the stretch, and won by a projected patella. Chauvet ran
third to the stretch and finished under bruising punishment administered
by a beer bottle In Spencer's hand. Quigley, who trotted during the first
five galleys, listened to Chep's line, closed with a burst when he told her
the Joke about the missionary.
(Nadelstein waived entrance In this race to compete in the second
sprint In which she finished third.)
SEVENTH RACE The Athletes' Attempt. Purse, varsity letter. Dis
run. For
tance,
and upwards.
113.30
Nevins (Robinson)
15.90
55.00
Shipp (Spickard) .
4.00
6.70
King (Garland) ..
5.50
Nevins, snubbed in the batting, broke fast but was rated In hand
through the back pull. Entering the stretch, Nevins overtook King and
coaching by Dick Robinson. Shipp, always a
finished under sure-fi-re
contender, was aroused In the stretch, and finished gamely. King led
through the back stretch, faltered In the drive, but held on for the show.

BALL

Exclusive Kernel Photo
A Kernel photographer, on th escene during the raid last night, found this
rearranging her person after a wild session of truckin'.

ky

Home-Breake-

head-huntin- g,

ot

editor-ln-chle-

ns

of one University Into one picnic again, and stated that he would
sign a pledge to never again go in
swimming when the water held the
temperature of an Arctic bay.
Oeorge Kerler, scandalmonger ex- -

Songs from
graced .the excursion.
these vehicles so frightened some
of the domestic animals along the
way that several cows died from
con vul uons. while one horse broke
a leg feeing from the roadside.
Silas Axehandle, gentleman farmer, filed suit In the Kentucky Court
of Appeals today for the imprison-

Kyians

In the process of

The boys who spend their time
knocking little balls around closed
their annual orgy Saturday afternoon on the University
tennis
courts, as they managed to
a pack of Mountaineers
from Berea College to the tune of

By ALICE WOOD BAILEY
Mr. and Mrs. J. Y. Bailey announce
the marriage
of their
daughter, Alice Wood, to Mr. Clifford Mousey Shaw, of Louisville.
The marriage took place at the
groom's bedside in the Louisville
Baptist Hospital, where he Is conTwo Wildcat tennisters wound up fined with acute hangoverltis.
college careers Saturday and
Miss Bailey told Kernel reporttheir
put them In their pockets, while ers yesterday that she finally
half of them were left for the pro- "landed him" after a year's "court-In- ."
fane gaze of posterity, in the halls
The groom, who is also afof Kentucky athletic fame. These flicted with lockjaw, merely bowed
two snarling Wildcats are Warfleld his head to the question, "Do you
Donohue and Francis Montgomery. take this woman?"
Montgomery is a veteran of the
souad, with four years' experience
at the University, and holds a fine
record. Donohue, in his first year
on the varsity squad, played In the
No. 1 position all season, and exhibited rare skill in all his matches,
both singles and doubles.
A Toledo (O.) sports writer asked
The Wildcat court squad, succesManager Bert NiehofT of
sors to the famous "Brain Trust" ville American Associationthe Louisclub the
ttam of last year, have won eight condition of Wood row Williams,
m&tches to two losses. One of these Louisville shortstop, who was
taken
losses was Incurred early In the seato a Toledo hospital recently for
son against Sewanee, and the other observation.
against Michigan State a little
"Williams has been ordered to
later. This record for the season the hospital for observation
by a
compares favorably even with last brain specialist,"
year's Phi Beta Kappas, who lost "He's been having Niechoff replied.
dizzy spells and
only one game.
will be assigned as sports writer if
(Contnued on Page Four)
his condition does not improve."
1.

will wish a Confederate battle flag
off on them. Luckily for the soldier laddies there will be no battle
attached to the flag.
green head of
The evil
politics will rear
breathe oh so
foul halitosis and the Reserve Of
ficers Association of Kentucky will
hold its annual cction Wednesday
at the city hall.
A brawl open to such of the
as care to associate with soldiers
will follow the at which the aforementioned
MaJ. Gen. "Warmy"
Cole will talk.
During the show on the Stoll batrs
tlefield some pf the better
anions the students will be
iven award; maybe some nice red
or blue ribbons of some red, white
and blue stick candy.
Lieutenant Sergeant Brewery anBY SAVS DALYERS
nounced late yesterday that warm
It was reported under strict
water with salt in It is good for
promise of secrecy last night by
aching feet.
those close to Warden Frank L.
McVey that approximately
around
about 400 inmates of the institution will be totally released and
asked emphatically not to return
for the next 50 years, next week in
a ceremony which will climax a sePublishd-Oh--Shuc- ks
ries of celebrations of their departure often referred io in the
past as Commencement Week.
The official program, according
to all we can read in the papers,
says that it will get off to a hairg)
splittings (and
start
Oh, yeah, it will come out some- time George Kerler, that humorous with the annual University Field
Day, referred to variously as "iTK's
get scandul writer, will assume editortime this week if the editors
May Meadow-lark- "
and "Resent
time to work on it before exams, ship.
Spencer is also making his exit Otficers' Red-HRifle Race,'' to
and even if they don't it will definitely be on the campus before as associate editor with this num- morrow when it cets the hnt'i"-o-u
Stoll field. We all know the
exams are over so that you all can ber. In the mag will be the regular stuff plus more dirty Jokes and rigors of this event and will all
take home a copy.
flock down to the stadium in
Chepeleff is still editing it, this cartoons.
the soldiers suffer." I am sure Aft
Ix)k for It.
being his last number after which

During the afternoon the poor
dopes who were not satisfied with
two years of marching but Insisted
on taking an advanced course will
get to stop walking long enough to
get commissions as second lieutenants. They will take an oath of office which will be something else
to sarry. For their bravery In helping protect our United States the
new lieutenants will be given a free
feed Wednesday night but they will
have to listen to MaJ. Gen. "Warmy"
Cole talk.
Show off drills in which some of
the huskier looking lads of the
Pershing Rifles will fight the Civil
War all over again with a different ending will play an important
part on the afternoon's carnival.
The Confederate Squad will wander around In some anemic maneuvers after which Mrs. Robert M.
Watt, prexy of the Lexington chapter, Daughters of the Confederacy.

two-fac- ed

ad

dirty-nose-

Ball Player Is In
Embryonic Stage
As Sports Writer

Four Hundred Inmates Will
Be

Freed On June Fourth

Sour Mash, Chep's Funny Mag
Is Due To Be
We Don't Know When

Sour Mash,, that funny magazine
ment of Robert Rankin and Tom- published sometime each month,
my Watkins for the death of his
appearance, this
cows. Mr. Axehandle swore that will again make its
being the last number of the year,
hearthe bovine beauties died after
ing Rankin and Watkins sing "The and being dedicated to seniors and
exams. The editors say that the
Desart Song."
mag will be funnier than hell, so
AUve Wood Bailey sat in the corgo ahead and buy It if you like.
ner and moped for Clin Bhaw.

Only a few days left for
students who paid $1
deposit to secure their

d

On Cow Lot Tomorrow

Contrary to false reports published in local papers excepting The
Kernel, Major Gen. William E.
Cole WILL be present for Colonel
Brewery's Blowout, the annual field
day, tomorrow, to act as reviewing
officer for the sweating, stumbling
troops of the University R. O. T. C.
MaJ. Gen. Cole, who Is really
warm, especially In summer, is the
big boss of the Fifth corps area of
the Unites States Army. Not only
will be watch the soldier lads walk
but he will also talk his head off at
a dinner for reserve officers Wednesday night.
On Stoll field, where the powerful University Wildcats have not
galloped to a Rose Bowl Invitation,
Boy
glorified
the University's
Scouts will walk and walk and
will
start
walk.
The regiment
traordinary, agreed with Chepeleff walking at 2:30 p. m. and will
and declared that personally he stagger along until the reviewing
preferred the music of Andy An- officers become exhausted from
derson to the musical splashing of watching.
Ray Lathrem, Tommy Watkins, and
other dolphins of the deep.
With the return of night to the
peaceful (?) Kentucky countryside

the Journalists returned to civilization In the various vehicles that

co-e-

Soldier Boys Will Stagger
Through Drill Formations

Picknecking Hod Greeleys
Assassinate Bovine Beauts
The annual brawl enpoyed by
members of the Kernel staff was
thrown In the depths of the wilderness Saturday afternoon when the
Club on the Ken-tucriver resounded with, the unseemly guffaws and shouts of, "Hey,
Kerlerl" The natives took one little peep at the Intruders and went
back to the peaceful occupation of
whilst the erstwhile
Journalistic stoogents violated the
peace of the wilderness by splashing their merry way about the river,
to the terrible fright of the twenty-focrocodiles that Inhabit the said
stream.
f,
Ross J. Chepeleff,
said that he would never again attempt to corral all the wild deni-te-

Another raid upon the Women's
dormitories revealed last night that
the modern coed is developing her
legs not by kicking the gong around
as did her mothers and grandmother, but thru the medium of trucking.
"How times have changed!"
ejaculated Chief Vigilante Kelley of
the Lexington Vice Squad, in an Interview with members of the fourth
estate, after the raid which took
place in the wee hours of the morning. "All we could see," he said, in
a disappointed tone, "were legs, legs,
legs gals were trucking on every
floor, in every room, and in both
buildings. It was a horrible sight."
Survivors of the raid told breathtaking stories of their escape from
the Dormitory prison. "It was horrible," said an unidentified Sigma
Nu who leaped from the third floor
when the Vice Squad entered the
building. "All I remember Is legs,
legs, legs."
An investigation committee has
been appointed to determine the
causes of the raid, which many officials state could have been prevented had the Vice Squad been
properly paid oft. The number of
injured has not been released.

Bailey Marries
WITH TRIUMPH Flash!At Bedside
Shaw

three-year-o-

lds

KNOCKERS

END YEAR'S ORGY

t.

80-y-

FINAL

SEX-STA- R

head-splittin-

1937 KENTUCKIAN

er everyone has bei wore out by
the afternoon's event, the day will

be climaxed (or
by
a brawl to be thrown for those R.
O. T. C. officers who are still able
to stand, at the Phoenix hotel.
We will then get a
rest, except for an examination now
and then, until Thursday week
which will be Alumni Day. This
Is when all the old inmates will
rush back to look the old place over
and slap all the other "old boys"
on the back and look them over to
see how they have fared since receiving their pardon in years past.
Also on this day the Board of
Trustees meets with Warden McVey to give the final decision on
the Inmates t) be libenited rm -- e
'Ct those who bi've fl'tr rr'
wa'side rln, to
"field-da- y
..
flu" or of
St'tllo": Wl'l
ereises In Hi,
(Continued to Pa;- Foiti
well-earn- ed

-

.

pn

-

AvHlab'e
At U. of K.

Postoffice

* Best Copy
THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

Tage Two
TT,

HTK
.

TTTRE

Aaiiiilil"i'Mj8ij
.

.

By LESLIE I.LE JONES
"Sena two cherry cokes, one
orangeade, with lot of Ice, and one
tonsted chow sandwich to room 34,
Boyd hall no, not 24, 34 right
sway please. Did you get that order utralRht?"
Promptly five or ten minutes
later, according to the ste of the
order, the aide door of Boyd hall
afopens, emitting a freckle-face- d,
boy, who la known
fable
residwelling In the
to the
dence halls, as "Davy."
crlsplngly clean servWearing a
ice Jacket, and a haircut that definitely brands him as "collegiate."
this Is the person who brings big.
brown bag containing the cokes,
that
sandwiches, and other tld-b- lts
go to satisfy the ravenous appetites of college girls between 10 and
10:30 o'clock every night.
"Say, do ya mean you wanta
write sumpln about me?" he asked,
all the while his face beaming with
that glow which comes to one who
has suddenly found himself Imco-e- ds

portant.

Inclined to be reticent In speech
at first, he soon began to swing
Into a natural, easy style of talk.
Meanwhile two girls had arrived to
claim their bags of food, and the
was
smattering of conversation
hushed whiV he made the correct

chance tar them- Frustrated a bit oy this

unexpect-

ed Interview, "Davy" dropped a
dime, which went blnglng and
bouncing down the stairway Into
the basement. Quick as a flash,
with the good nature and energy
that makes him so well liked as a
service boy, he was soon at the bottom of the steps, recovered the slippery lucre, and came bounding up
.

again.

"Yeah, I've been working for two
years for this restaurant, but this
summer the boss says he's gonna
put me on as a fountain boy. I ll
miss
like that, but, gee whiz, 1
delivering at the halls." This was
a long statement coming from
"Davy," but It showed Mow much
he likes the Job he works at every
night from 7:30 until 11 o'clock.
A student at Morton Junior High
School, he allots himself from 3 until 6 o'clock in the afternoon to
study, and really does study, he
blandly replied, when I asked about
the time spent In the pursuit of
knowledge.
The highest priced order "Davy"
has ever delivered at the halls was
a $3 one, and paradoxically enough
the next night he brought a three-ce- nt
stamp to the same girl.
11

"Davy" thinks the seniors moat
dignified, the frashman the prettiest and had rather deliver orders
to Patterson hall than Boyd. His
reason for this last statement, he
eagerly explained to be because the
Pat hall girls tipped him. while he
firmly bellevea the Boyd hall resiHurriedly
dents to be tightwads.
scurrying through the door, he then
vanished Into the night to be back
with hot and cold food, the second
trip of the fifteen he makes every

night

MILITARY

ffi

ffi

!f

!

ffi

"RHEini

3

By L T. IGLEHART
"What are those things over
You
there on the clothes line?
say they are cadets Now what In
the world are they hanging there
for?.... Oh, to dry out. Been In a
parade.
I see. Well, they certainly must get awfully hot."
Of course, now, I'm not a member of the R. O. T. O. My feet are
Disgustingly flat. I've alflat.
ways wondered why, when they
were dishing out arches, that they
didn't give me a pa"" ot "supremeor "Abner's
ly built
aesthetic arches for active animals."
But no; they Just took two pieces
of shin bone and attached them at
Naturright angles to my ankles. down-f- lat,
ally, the army turns me
but I have only begun to fight.
foot
I tape up the center of eachoffice
and spring lightly Into the
of Chief Catchum-Cade- t.
"You certainly almost missed one
of your best bete," I say. meaning
mvself. "Uh huh. But you see.
major oh I general. Is It well, you
see, general. I thought that." Hal
to
Hal He says I'm not supposed huthink. Gad, what a sense of offmor. He further adds, In an
hand manner, that I have been
skipping classes. It seems the doctor was only Joking when he said
the army didn't need me. O. K.
big boy, you got me Just what are
you going to do?
He seems to know his own mind,
because here I am In the armory.
I realize now where people catch
Yes slree In
St. Vitus Dance.
these wool shirts.
"Say, sir, I've decided I don't
w
wanv tA nlatf T'm nfrfttrl that this
stuffy atmosphere will bring back
my old cough." My old coughtl
Boy, that was a fast one.
I
A mighty fast one.
Yeah!
certainly get plenty of atmosphere
'

it up and
out here,
down the parade ground. "Oh, no
puff, puff corporal, never too
fast for me." I should say not.
Never too fast. As long as we're
hot-footi- ng

going, we might as wall get there
g.
The
No sense in
sooner we get to one end of the
we can come back
field, the sooner
to this end, and the sooner we return to this end, the faster we can
go back to the other end. Oh, It
works out beautifully, and you can
really cover territory. Of course.
It's pretty much the same, but after
all, it's territory. Oh I Oh I There
goes my gun.
"Now, wasn't that silly, corporal?"
Well, he doesn't have to be so doggone agreeable.
"Hot?
I should
sav not. I'm as cool as a cucumber." Hal Hal Can I take It?
Frankly, no. Even a cucumber gets
hot. wrapped in a woolen blanket,
and who am I to out do a cucum
ber?
Owl "No, of course not, Num.
you didn't
hurt me. No, the gun's really
light. You Just forgot that I was
back of you, and thought that you
would rest your right arm by let
ting go of the butt of the rifle. It's
all my fault. I must seem an awful nuisance, following you around
like this, but the corporal said
that I wai to be number one, rear
rank, and whither you goest, I must
go. Scarcastic? No, Ira not being
sarcastic.
It must be Indigestion
that gives my words their acid tone
Say, you're going to hurt someone,
holding the rifle like that. Oh I
Oh I Quit I Stop! O. K. O. K
111 get up. Roomie, but out that
What time is It?
pillow down.
Bov. I sure had one whale of r
dream, and am I glad I'm flat- footed!
HTK

Wimpy's

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to

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TIIIRS.

- FRI.

-

NOW PLA1INO

SAT.

IK

f'v

,,J
NOW

AT
POPULAR

Juuer

i

JOHN BARRYH ORE
BASIL RATHBONE
EDNA MAE OLIVER
REGINALD DENNY

PRICES

ON THE SAME PROGRAM
JOHN BOLES
DORIS NOLAN

The campus was magically alive
and flowing that particular spring
day as the Man strolled along to
keep a luncheon appointment. He
felt at peace with the world, for he
had on a becoming new hat, a new
spring suit and his feet felt comfortable even though his shoes were
brand new.
He reached a cross walk just as
the lights turned against the avenue traffic in favor of downtown

IHEEBE1
TODAY and WED.
ROSCOE KARNS as

"CLARENCE"

GROUP LUNCHEONS, TEAS, DINNERS, AND DANCES

JOHN G. CRAMER,
Manager

President

Also

campus traffic,
A handsome young woman in a
desplendent spring outfit, combining
the sofest tones of tan and brown
sprang forward to get across the
walk before the onrushing cars
She
could get into real motion.
Jostled the Man, knocked his hat
askew, stepped on nis new snoes.
But it availed her nothering for she
found herself involved in a maelstrom which made her turn back

"FAIR WARNNG"
with
Betty F urness
THUR.-FR-

John Payne

I.

JOHN LITEL

ANN DVORAK

In

"MIDNIGHT COURT"

THE KENTUCKY KERNEL
OP THE STUDENTS
OFFICIAL NEWSPAPER
OF KENTUCKY
THE UNIVERSITY

Enured at the Port

OBlee

OP

at Lexlnrton, Kentucky,

daaa matter under the Act of Marco 1, IMS.

u

eee-O-

MEMBER

Lexington Board of Commerce
Kentucky Intercollegiate Preu Auoclatlon

urofessors. No longer need we worship the
campus gods of dead culture and the mythical
shadows of grades and honors.
e re going to read
We're free. We're alive.
of the encyclopedias. We're
the tabloids instead
going to find out for ourselves what this living
business is all about. Hail and farewell. We
who are about to leave salute you!

Publication!, represented by
A member of the Major Colin
A J. Norm Hill Co., 416 Lexington Ave., New York City; 3ft B.
Chicago; Call Building. San Franclaco; Ml Weal-woWacker Drive,
Blvd., Loa Angelea; 1004 Second Ave., Seattle.

COMPLETE CAMPUS COVERAGE
Executive Board
Managing Editor
Wild Scoop Nadelstein
Telegraph Editor
David Salyerski
Editor
Maximillian Spencer
Business Manager
Alfred Vogel
TELephones: Newa, 9 a. m. to 4 p. m, Univ.
Business, 9 a. m. to 4 p. m., Univ. 74.

136.

HERE SHALL THE KERNEL ALL
STUDENT RIGHTS MAINTAIN

We Who
Are About To
Live

HUL

and farewelll

seniors, who
are about to live, salute you undergraduates who have been
dead for lo, these many years, and who will come
alive only when you too become seniors and
cast off your academic shackles to breathe onte
more the lusty and tainted air of the great
world.
As graduates we will never again be forted to
bind our minds within the musty text books and
antiquated lecture notes dictated to us by our
spectre-monprofs. Neer again will we have
to decide between cramming for finals and enjoying the show. We'll just go to the show. As
graduates we will be able to decide for ourselves
what books we want to read, what we want to
listen to in the way of lectures, what we want to
sit next to, and what entertainment we want
when we want it.
k

' No longer must we wend our wraithlike ways

along the cloistered halls of learning, haunted
by the ghosts of collegiate tradition and by the
countless generations of departed stoogents and

Also

"MAMA STEPS OUT"
with
GUY KIBBEE
ALICE BRADY

FATHER'S I.

It's

marasijffi.fi3niy.rriRa

.

Writer Finds That
rou Can't Win
On Term Papers

By DON IRVINE
Every spring, along with flowers
and birds and rose fever, come term
papers. Term papers, for the benefit of the blesed who have escaped them, may be defined as
slung in to the
verbal mud-pi- es
profs just in time to lower one's
grade. They take three weeks to
to the lane.
The Man eyed her In dlsproval worry over, two hours to write, and
She looked like a gentlewoman. But have footnotes.
evidently she was not. But, he re- In order to write a successful
term paper, one must first get on
the right side of the professor. The
best way is to wait until the day
before it is due and then go to '
professor's office and wake him out
.1
i
of a profound slumber.
"Good morning, Professor Krudd,"
you say cheerily to the old patsy
puss, "I have come to inquire about
my term paper."
"I am the one who ought to be
inquiring about that," he gripes.
You laugh loudly.
"What subject shall I take?" you
question. Here one should always
a
put one's feet upon the professor's
desk and lightup a cigar. The professor is cogitating; shameless man I
The professor now buries his head
in his bookcase and appears to have
gone into a trance. At length he
emerges and gives you a subject.
you gaily say,
"Okay,
and then leave before the walls
begin to fall.
Having won the teacher to your
point of view, you must now write
the paper. The first thing is to
get a book out of the library. Any
book will do. You carry the book
about from- class to class., looking
thoughtfully at its covers at intervals, until an inspiration (idea)
comes to you.
This inspiration
should make you quiver all over or

i

M. D. HENDERSON

Henderson
Drug Co.
South Lime and Maxwell

PRESCRIPTION

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loaf-nos- e,"

will be
proud to
have a

-

Picture of You Taken
in our m3o?tctxt manner

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Tl
FATHER'S DAY SPECIAL

8x10 picture of you or
any member of the family
ONE IN A FINE FRAME
APPOINTMENT UQDIRZD

3c 2

BAM tAIDOU STUDIO

.95

3rd FLOOR

Phone 3999

Ky.

Lexington,

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FOR THE

Dad's mighty toad of hi family ... he know toafre
spootaT. PUas hla with a Jean Serdou picture el yourself
which will bring out those (pedal difference thai 41

AND

PACKAGE DRUGS

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IMC

fleeted, gentlewomanliness
on the it is not a bona fide term paper incampus was dead and buried. The spiration. When this has happened
day. somehow, seemed less resplen- you must rush over to the bookstore and buy some typing paper,
dent.
But his faith in womans courtesy or, if the thing is to be done in
longhand, some wlntergreen pepto man was to have a new birth.
permints.
IS ZAT SOI
That night you sprawl yourself
at your desk behind a wall of frosty
At a recent dinner attended by beer bottles, temporarily full. With
employees of the Pasadena (Cal.) a great show of ndustry you lay
Star-Neand Post, this story was out your fresh paper, open your
told by the toastmaster on George book, and put out some old geology
Fugate,
advertising manager ol notes for appearance's sake. Then
you drink the beer and sleep until
both papers.
The advertising man was reported midnight in your chair. At that
as having called the office from his hour you awaken, realize that you
home to ask the results of the must not overwork, and go to bed,
fourth race at the Bay Meadows first setting the alarm for five
o'clock (after letting the bell run
track.
"Just a moment, please," the down).
The next morning you go to class,
switchboard operator said as she
plugged his call Into the editorial having written out the term paper
between sups of breakfast coffee,
department.
"Editorial," answered a new voice and hand it in to good old Professor Krudd, who, despite his rough
in the department.
exterior, has
"Thank you," said the advertising harder. Days a heart of gold, only
later he frigidly reman, and hung up. Five minutes
turns it, and you flunk the course
later he called back.
"Say, were you trying to Ud me? despite the fact that you sat up until midnight over the darned term
I've looked all through the form paper.
sheet and don't find any horse by
that name even entered."

Dad

1

COMPANV1

Mess.."1"

Scrap Irony
SARAH JONES
School Teacher Extraordinary
(A Story With A Moral)
Sarah Jones awoke and stretched and yawned
twice. Now Sarah Jones was conventional and she
had been waking and stretching and yawning like
this tor thirty odd years, although her age remained
But this morning there was
a stationary twenty-on- e.
a little deviation from the conventional because lying In the bed beside her was what seemed to be a
man. Sarah Jones was taken aback by this, for she
was not in the habit of waking to find bounders like
this, and he was a bounder, in her bed. Well she
handled the matter in a rational manner and decided
to cogitate upon It before she acted. She began to
reflect on the actions of the night before and wondered If she had gotten pickled and married this
monstrosity, and he was a monstrosity, because his
hair was red, and that alone was ridiculous, his hair
was red and his face was white and It looked like a
handful of flour thrown upon scarlet velvet. She
started to wake him and sk him what the hell, but
she thought that a little silly, after all you couldn't
Just wake a man and ask him what the hell. Being, as J have said before, a strictly conventional per
son, she dressed, and still this uncouth rascal re
mained In a state of dormacy, sleeping as though
through three alarm fires and earthquakes.
Like I say, she dressed, and after due consideration
decided to go on to school because there was to be a
new principal today and for her to be late meeting her
first class under the new principal, well really I She
went to a little restaurant around the corner intending to eat a hurried breakfast, but the waitress knew
some heavenly gossip and In spite of Sarah's conventions, she was a woman. Wlien she looked up from
her conversation she was already half an hour late.
Well, she went on to school and the new principal
called her Into his office, but she didn't lose her job
because the new principal, of all things, had red hair!
Now, we shouldn't draw conclusions from this little
story for, as J say, Sarah Jones was a strictly conventi