xt7g7940w024 https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt7g7940w024/data/mets.xml The Kentucky Kernel Kentucky -- Lexington The Kentucky Kernel 1990-11-14 Earlier Titles: Idea of University of Kentucky, The State College Cadet newspapers  English   Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel  The Kentucky Kernel, November 14, 1990 text The Kentucky Kernel, November 14, 1990 1990 1990-11-14 2020 true xt7g7940w024 section xt7g7940w024  

Kentucky Kernel

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Women’s report gains notice

By GREGORY A. HALL
Senior Staff Writer

Almost one month after its re-
lease, a University Senate report
showing discrimination against
women at UK has been well re-
ceived, its writers say.

“We expected that we might have
to fight for visibility," faculty sen-
ate chair Carolyn Bratt said.

Yesterday, five members of the
ad hoc committee increased the re-
port‘s visibility at a 90-minute for-
um sponsored by the Student Activ-
ities Board. About 50 people
attended the forum.

The group has “been inundated
with requests to speak’ Bratt said.

Candidate
withdraws
name from

NU search

Assoclated Press

LINCOLN, Neb. ~— A leading
candidate for the presidency at the
University of Nebraska dropped out
yesterday, according to board of re-
gents chair Don Blank.

UK’s Chancellor for the Lexing-
ton Campus Robert Hemenway was
one of four finalists for the position
announced Friday by the search
committee.

Gene Budig, chancellor of the
University of Kansas, pulled out of
the search. saying he doesn‘t feel he
can leave that school until “several
significant matters” have been set-
tled. Blank said in a news release.

“He was certainly high on our list
of those being considered for the
presidency,” Blank said

Blank also said yesterday that NU
Interim President Martin Massen-
gale was interviewed along with Bu-
dig and the other three external can-
didates for the presidency.

“The board plans to meet in one
week in a special meeting to discuss
the interviews," Blank said in a pre-
pared statement.

Massengale. chancellor of the
University of Nebraska-Lincoln and
acting system president since Ro-
nald Roskens was fired last year,
was not included in the list of four
candidates given to the regents Fri-
day by the presidential search com-
mittee.

But the committee said the re-
gents could consider any internal
candidates they wished, an apparent
reference to Massengale.

The regents interviewed Massen-
gale and the four candidates in Kan-
sas City. Mo., during a national
meeting of land-grant college repre-
sentatives.

The four candidates on the list

See HEMENWAY, Page 3

UK TODAY

An organizational
meeting for a wom-
en’s student group
will be held today at
3:30 pm. at Tolly Ho
restaurant. For more
information, call the
Women’s Studies
Office, 257-1388.

___..——‘

Mendes
captures
nature.

Story
Page 2

Diversions ......................... 2
Viewpoint............................4
Classifieds ......................... 5

Sports ................................ 6

 

 

Last week. the report was presented
at a meeting of UK President
Charles Wethington’s cabinet.

Committee members expected a
half-hour “polite session” with the
University's top-level administra-
tors. but instead discussed the re-
port for more than two hours.

“There was good verbal commit-
ment to doing something about it,"
Bratt said.

She is pleased by statements like
those of Chancellor for the Lexing-
ton Campus Robert Hemenway,
who said sexism has no place in the
University at his campus addresses
last week.

“That’s the kind of rhetoric that
we have to have at this University,”

Bratt said.

The 260-page report shows dis-
parities in salaries and promotions
among faculty. administrators and
staff. The report also shows prob-
lems that reach across all empIOy-
ment sectors.

Bratt said the University has no
maternity leave policy for faculty.
Analyzing the amount of sick time
and vacation required for a compen-
sated maternity leave, she said a
woman could only have one preg-
nancy every six years.

Susan Scollay, assistant vice pres-
ident for research and graduate stud-
ies, also pointed out the lack of fair
representation of women in Univer-
sity literature, showing a picture

from a staff manual depicting a
board room full of men with one
woman passing out papers.

There has been a lack of female
speakers in the journalism school —
where no Creason Lecture has been
given by a female —— and in the law
school, Bratt said.

After the report there was a dis-
cussion about the community’s re-
ception of the report. Some in the
audience indicated that people fear
repercussions if they speak out.

At the cabinet meeting, Wething-
ton said revenge would not be ac-
cepted, Bratt said.

“We're hoping that this (report)
will empower some women who
will indeed speak," Bratt said.

 

 

ON THE CUTTING EDGE: Architecture thesis student Darren Myers works on his design project
yesterday afternoon in a Miller Hall studio.

 

MCHAEL CLEVENGER/Kernal Staff

 

 

Two committee members disa-
greed whether things will get better
for women at UK.

Bratt, who said she has been a
feminist since 1968, believes things
will get better, based on the changes
she has seen.

Lorraine Garkovich, a sociology
professor in agriculture and a com-
mittee member, said she fears com-
placency.

Another committee member this
could result if women. currently ad-
mitted to colleges, fail to realize the
complexity of the problem.

“It appears as if the problem has
been solved, Scollay said.

“(But) once you're in, the eleva-
tor doesn't run for you.”

LUCHETIA MARIN Kernel Conlnbutot

BRATT

DinerCard bonus
offered to students

By TAMMY GAY
Staff Writer

Students with a UK Dinchard of
ten start to run low on funds late in
the semester. But now when stu«
dents add to their accounts. Food
Services will give them a 10 percent
bonus.

UK offered the bonus several
years ago. But marketing research
indicated that the bonus didn’t fac-
tor in 3 students' decision to add to
their card, so UK discontinued the
offer.

This year. however, Food Servic-
es has decided to give students a bo-
nus once again.

“We decided to offer the bonus
later in the semester as DinerCard

balances were getting lower and stu-
dents were deciding on what to do
about the low er balances," \‘dltl
Robert Brziun director of Food Ser-
vices.

But bonus money must be used
this semester w it cannot be refund-
ed or carried over to the spring sc-
mester.

Recently, a petition was circulat-
ed to \lll(lCnl.\ lll response to food
prices at l7K.

More than 31th“ students signed
the petition. drawing: the attention
of Student (lovemmcnt AS'\OCla-
tion.

SGA has formed a committee to
examine the problem.

See BONUS. Page 3

Cinema chairman
to produce movies

By LAURA HOWlE
Contributing Writer

UK’s own version of “Twin
Peaks" will come to campus next
semester in a series of movtes to be
shown weekly.

The cast and crew wrll consist of
only UK students, said Greg Labor,
head of the Student Activities Board
Cinema Committee and the screen-
play writer. He said there will be a
role in his movies for all the stu-
dents who applied.

“The movies Will be it takeoff of
the l‘liOs .ind mus \L‘flLllS ” he
said.

Labcr. .i psychology \ophomorc.
said be it ill direct and \\ fllL‘ the llltie

VlC‘S, While he wouldn‘t disclose the
plots. he said only the initial story
lines had been written.

"I plan to wait until i get to know
the cast and their abilities." labor
said. “Then, l'll adapt the story line
toeach of them "

Labor \Lllll oi the crew: ‘ '. only
knew one guy going ill. We worked
together in it play All the rest are
new faces m u should be really fun
to get to know excryone.”

Serial work is nothing new to 'i..i
her, who has experience in telew—
\‘K‘l’l. He worked for five years n till
.i cult series for Public Access i 3!:

See MOVIE, ”qu .

Hoop tickets to be distributed Sunday :5;

By MARY MADDEN
Stall Writer

November means more than
Thanksgiving to most Wildcat fans
— it means Wildcat basketball.

The first ticket distribution of the
season will be held Sunday for three
games occurring during the UK aca—
demic holidays.

The distribution will be for the
PennSylvania game, which is during
Thanksgiving weekend. and the
University of Tennessee and East-
ern Kentucky games, which are
held Over Christmas break.

Thegamedatesand timesareaf-
ter residence halls close, and Stu-
dent Affairs Officer Rodney Stiles
said he hopes that students who
won't be in town will not pick up
tickets.

“The worst thing we're worried
about are no-shows." he said.
"We'd hate to have a partially empv
ty student section because some
people picked up tickets just to get
them and then didn‘t go."

For first-day lottery distribution.
the doors open at 9 am. and close at
9:15 am.

Stiles noted that there is no rea—
son for students to stand in line for

the lottery because tickets are not
distributed on a first-come. first-
served basis.

“If you were a student coming to
the lottery Sunday morning, you‘d
have be here between 9 and 9zli
am. It doesn’t matter if you’re the
first one there or the last person
that walks in the door, all the num-
bers in the lottery are all mixed up
in a big box and you just randomly
draw a number,” he said.

Students are then called numeri-
cally in groups of about 20.

“No. 1 gives his card to the dean.
he goes out the door to the coliscum
and goes around to where the ticket
windows are to whatever section he
wants to go to. So he has first
choice of all (the available) lower
seat sections,“ Stiles said.

This process continues until every
student hm been called.

“Once they get to those windows.
they are given another control card.
which is color-coordinated to what
section they’re going to sit in.

“Once they come inside and
we're ready to actually give them
the hard tickets, the dean Wlll be
there at the beginning of the line
where the punch cards are. They'll
punch out their numbers on the ac-

tivities cards. The student has to
hand back his control card to the
dean in order to get his ticket.”

If students want to sit together,
students the highest number must
wait for the others.

“There‘s a lot of jockeying going
on when they finally get in line, be-
cause once everybody gets out
there. they see where certain groups
are and they‘ll start switching their
activity cards around,“ Stiles said.
“The dean says it looks sort of like
the New York Stock Exchange. We
can't accommodate everybody to sit
together, but we just let them kind
of work that out on their own out
there while they're waiting in line.

“You can either give up a good
seat and sit with your friends or take
a good seat and fend for yourself."

Lottery distribution, he said, is
the best way officials have found to
distribute basketball tickets.

“So far it’s worked out real well."
he said. “A lot of schools call us
over the South. North Carolina
called us to find out how we do this.
They were trying to do a similar
ticket distribution with their people

See TICKETS. Page 3

1990-91

Student Basketball
Ticket Distribution Schedule

Opponent

 

Pennsylvania
U.T. Chattanooga
Eastern Kentucky

Kansas
LSU

Mississippi St.
Vanderbilt

Florida
Georgia

Feb. 3

Alabama
Auburn

Feb. 17

Tennessee
Mississippi

Dec. .>
Jan.
Jan. f

Jan. .
Jan,
Feb. ‘
Feb. 13
Feb. 16

Feb. 26
Mar. 2

 

' These games tall during the holidays when campus and residence halls are closed Only pick 0 a

ticket if you plan to be near campus at this time

 

 

 

INSIDE: FAREWELL TO THE SENIORS

ELIZADEYN C. WEN” Gtmh s

 

 3 - Micky Komol, Wednesday, November 14, 1990
t ,

“ I )l i 'IL‘R SI ()NS

Mendes captures nature

It JULIA LAWSON
Stall Writer

"Iowgmplts, photographs and
mom photographs was the theme to
the Guy Mendes exhibit at Commu-
nity Burk.

Mendes' knack for capturing just
the right view in his photographs
was demonstrated in the prize piec-
es found at the opening of the ex-
hibit Friday evening. Highlights of
the exhibit included many nature
scenes and a few portraits.

When Mendes is at work, his pic-
tures always justify the actual ap-
pearance of the object.

In one of his photos titled “Puff-
ball,” Mendes has captured an im-
maculate view of —— a puffball, a
relative of the mushroom.

The photo is so precise that the
indentions in the puffball make it
look like a man’s torso. “Pomo—
graphic mushroom where’s Jesse
Helms?" Mendes said.

Despite the controversies,
Mendes has an ability to capture

 

“Pornographic
mushroom
where’s Jesse
Helms?”

nature in its purest and most honest
form.

In his photograph of the Trojan
Farm near Troy in Woodford
County, Mendes collars the perfect
view with his choice of angles and
fighting. in his quest for the perfect
photo. he also produces an impecca-
ble piece of art.

Although this show includes only
nature scenes, his opening exhibit
included some portraits of ordinary
people he found exceptional. “i am
intrigued by people who are very
individualistic," Mendes said.

One of his most unusual portraits
was of Bradley Harrison Picklesim-
er with his dog Princess. Picklesim-
er, who is best known for running
the old Cafe LMNOP, was an intri-

 

 

COURTESV OF Al" on INN

‘tendes' photo of “Ruins of Enoch Wickham's Tribute to the End of
the Civil War," near Palmyra, Tenn.

guing character that Mendes found
to be an interesting subject. “He
nakes a beautiful woman," Mendes
said.

In the photo, Picklesimer is
dressed up in a white evening gown
and full makeup.

Although the topic may be a little

 

 

 

CHECK OUT the

Independent
Study Program

Today

Begin a course now and
finish it this semester.

See course listings.

Room 1 Frazee Hall . 257-3466

 

 

Video 8: Lecture presentation by
Dr. Richard Dekmejian

and Robert Cline

Wednesday, Nov 14 at 6:00 p.m.
in the Student Center Ballroom
Admission is FREE

Sponsored by SGA

ii

 

out of the ordinary, Mendes' use of
lighting accentuates his work and
enhances the outcome of the photo.
With a lively attitude and a sense
of flattering modesty, Mendes de-
scribed his work so that everyone
could feel there was something in
the photos that “worked" for them.

Spyro Gyra

USA TODAY/Apple College

’ Information Network

Fusion is a label many jazz bands
wear, but it is a custom-tailored fit
for Spyro Gyra.

“We have never limited ourselves
at all,” said Jay Beckenstein,
founder, leader, saxophonist and

 

 

 

 

producer of Spyro Gyra.

But that is the fuel for fusion. No
holding back — free to test and ex-
press musical talent.

And few bands do it better than
Spyro Gyra. The band was named
the Top Jazz Group of the 19805 by
Billboard magazine in January.

However, Spyro Gyra — even the

 

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has new sound for ’90s

name is undefinable — is entering a
new decade, with a new member,
more exploration of the tenor saxo-
phone, a new record company and a
new musical release.

“Spyro Gyra has always been my
deal, my band," Beckenstein said.

He officially changed the name to
Spyro Gyra featuring Jay Becken-
stein when record executives
snubbed his request for a solo al-
bum last year.

The band also features newcomer
percussionist Mark Quinones, gui-
tarist Jay Azzolina, bassist Oscar
Canaya, drummer Richie Morales,
Dave Samuels on the mailers and
Tom Schuman’s work on the key-
boards.

Beckenstein plays the tenor sax.

“It’s part of a conscious effort not
to sound the same," he said.

The band‘s most recent musical
release, Fast Forward, includes the
very Latin "Para Ti Latino“ to the
more traditional jazz “Speakeasy.”

“I'm intrigued by so many differ-
ent types of music," Beckenstein
said.

His father, a jazz aficionado,
played Charlie Parker records,
while his mother, an opera singer,
encouraged Beckenstein to explore
his musical talents.

“I think this album, like all of our
albums, is somewhat eclectic,” he
said. “Musicians are always looking
for new juice."

Fast Forward also includes vo-
cals on “Tower of Babel," a first in
the band's 14-year and as many al-
bums history.

lsraeli David Broza lends tradi-
tional Middle Eastern sound to the
track.

“But I just don’t want to come up
with a vocal to increase sales or get
radio air play. That’s not what Spy-
ro Gyra is all about,“ Beckenstein
said.

 

Wednesday
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557 S. Limestone
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Continued from page 1

But Food Services officials said
the bonus they are offering to stu-
dents had nothing to do with the pe-
tition.

“All of that (the basics of the bo-
nus and the time it would be started)
was decided before the petition
came to life,” Braun said. The bo-
nus has “nothing to do with the peti-
tion itself,” he said.

Food Services began planning the
bonus in September, Braun said.

People choosing to add to their
cards can do so at Student Billings,
257 Student Center.

2 Tickets

Continued from page 1

 

there."

Some schools have festival seat-
ing — which is all first-come, first-
serve. But festival seating also has
problems.

Wild crowds at festival-seating

Movie

Continued irom page 1

7w

5‘78 ”£9904

vision in Ft. Thomas, Ky.

"Theater is just a hobby of mine,"
Laber said. “I did some plays in
high school, and I’ve done two
plays here at UK.”

Filming of the episodes will start
after Thanksgiving. The Student
Activities Television, a subcommit-
tee of SAB, will do most of the
filming with Laber’s help.

Laber plans to hold a publicity
party within the next couple of
weeks to introduce the cast

concerts have trampled people try-
ing to get seats.

“People were hanging on doors to
get in (to one concert),” he said. “I
hope the Wildcats are good enough
this year that they are banging down
the door.”

The Kansas game. scheduled for
Dec. 8, was left out of the first
round of ticket distribution. Kansas
and LSU tickets will be distributed
at the same time — during the Dec.
2 disuibution.

Kansas tickets are not being dis-
tributed with the first group of tick—
ets because officials were afraid that
students, while getting Kansas tick-
ets, would pick up tickets for the
other two games and not attend
them.

“The Kansas and LSU games are
two pretty big games . If we
threw a Kansas in there with Penn-
sylvania and UT Chattanooga, eve-
ryone would pick up their Kansas
tickets and while they were there,
they’d go ahead and take the other
two because they’re there," he said.

Kentucky Kernel, Wedneedey, November 14. 1900 ’ 3

Scheduled for Jan. 5. the LSU
game technically is during Christ-
mas break — since residence halls
do not reopen until Jan. 6. But be-
cause LSU is a big game, Stiles said
he thinks students who pick up tick~
ets to the game will come back for
it.

Guest tickets available from each
distribution will go on sale Tuesday
— the third day of each distribution
—- from 9 am. to 4 pm. The tickets
cost $10.

Students must bring validated
student identification and activity
cards in order to pick up tickets and
to gain entrance to the game.

The Westem Kentucky game.
which will be played in Louisville,
is already sold out. There were no
student tickets available for that
game.

Hemenway

Continued from page 1

presented to the regents were Budig.
Hemenway. University of Northern
Colorado President Robert Dickeson
and University of Missouri-Rolla
Chancellor Martin I ischke.

State Sen. LaVon Crosby of Lin-
coin said Massengale should not
have to present a resume and beg for
the job.

“They should have named him six
months ago as president Instead
they’ve kept him in limbo,” Crosby
said.

Hemenway will be in Lexington
today and is scheduled to speak at
the Student Government Associa-
tion Senate meeting this evening at
7:30.

 

 

 

i

Student Activities Board
Presents

 

 

November 18th

 

THE WINTER SOLSTIC E CONCERTS
Featuring Windham Hill Recording Artists

- NIGHTNOISE - LIZ STORY

. PHILIP AABERG
Singletary Center for the Arts

Reserved Seats: Public $15.00 U.K. Student $8.00

TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE

- Ticketmaster Locations or by calling 281 -6644
o 106 Student Center Ticket Office 257—1378

8:00 pm.

 

 

 

 

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Dr. Wethington

wants to talk to you!

Ask him any question,
Campus or Personal talk!

Wednesday, Nov. 14th
9:00 PM 306 Commons

BE THERE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_ V, Read the.
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 4- Mucky Kernel, Wednesday, November 14,1990

”E \l '1 TM "1‘

Kentucky Kernel

Established in 1894
Independent since 1971

L.___

 

Editorial Board
C O 0
Tom Spllding, Editor in Chief
C.A. Dianne Bonifor, Editorial Editor
Jerry Voigt, Editorial Cartoonist
Brian Jent, Managing Editor
Tonia Wilt, Executive Editor
Victoria Martin, News Editor
Clay Edwards
Curtis I. J uckson
Ken Walker

 

Wildcat blood
is better than
orange blood

The UK-Tennessee series has not been much of a rivalry as
of late. The last time the Wildcats were on the winning side
Ronald Reagan was still in his first term and few Americans

had heard of Dan Quayle.

Since that 17-12 win in Knoxville in 1984, UK has lost by a
combined score of 153-65, making the Beer Barrel a perma-

nent fixture in Knoxville.

This year, as Bill Curry tangles with the Volunteers for the
first time as the Wildcats’ head coach on Nov. 24, the pros-
pects of UK bringing the barrel back home do not appear par-
ticularly bright. UK is 3-6, and Tennessee is 5-2-2, ranked
14th in The Associated Press’ Top 25 and on its way to a post»

season bowl appearance.

While we are ones never to discount the power of the under-
dog ~ after all, the Cincinnati Reds won the World Series in
four —- we would not be surprised if the Beer Barrel stays put

after this season.

But there is still at least one way UK can outshine Tennes-

see, and that’s by giving blood.

The UK Residence Hall Association is sponsoring the third
annual Big Blue Battle for Blood. UK and Tennessee are com-
peting for the most pints of blood collected this week.

People can give blood today at Haggin Hall from 2:30 to 9
pm. Door prizes will be given, and Curry plans to spill a bit of

his own blood.

As the holiday season approaches, hospitals likely will be
faced with a strong demand for blood. So take a few minutes
today, roll up your sleeve and give a little.

It’s for a good cause, and we don’t want people getting blood
transplants from Volunteers. Before we know it, they’ll be
humming that annoying “Rocky Top” and wearing obnoxious

orange clothes.

In the interest of mankind, it is much better for people to
bleed, it is blue blood — and not orange. Besides, after Rick
Pitino’s Wildcats get through with the Volunteer basketball
team, Tennessee may be in need of some blood.

LEVI‘TERS

Time to change
the rules

Proposition: Class-1A sports are
so demanding that no person can be
an athlete and a full-time student at
the same time.

When I attended college in the
19505, students were expected to
spend two hours outside class for
each hour spent in class. If you do
that, there isn't time to practice for
football or basketball or any other
organized sport.

Colleges make millions off ath-
letes, yet NCAA rules prohibit pay-
ments to athletes. Athletes are not
allowed to accept money from fans
or supporters. It is a fraud to allow
them to work, for there is certainly
no time left in their schedules for

any legitimate work.

Unless an athlete has family fi-
nancial support, he is vulnerable to
all kinds of wrongdoing, all the
more if he is good at his sport!

This problem can be largely at—
tributed to the urgency felt by col-
leges to recruit the best athletes
from anywhere in the United States.
or indeed, in the world. I offer a
simple rule that could solve a com-
plex problem.

Suggested rule: No person be-
tween 17 and 23 years of age,
whose place of birth is more than
100 miles from the institution, may
play for a college if located east of
the Mississippi River, or 250 miles.
if located west of the Mississippi
River.

Donald L. White is a Louisville.
K y., resident.

 

 

 

 

A Slice Of Life

Americans’ love affair with pizza overcomes many obstacles

In trying to squeeze in a little
more quantity time in front of the ol’
TV set, I’ve been deluged by ads
featuring a flighty waitress telling
me, the home viewer, to stock up on
any kind of pizza under the sun for
the ridiculously low price of “four
bucks, four bucks, four bucks.”

I’ve eaten at my share of fine piz-
za establishments, and I have just a
few brief comments about my joy,
my elation, my delight in being able
to get a pizza.

~Perhaps places could hire the
“four bucks” girl to stand there and
chirp “four bucks, four bucks” from
now until the end of time.

But unlike the fraternity geniuses
in a popular commercial, I’m not ex-
actly ready to create a special Nobel
Prize category for this incredible
skill, especially when you can train a
2-year-old to yell “four bucks" until
your eardrums bleed.

-Maybe canning stunts like the
“four bucks” auctioneer routines
would mean I could get my pizza
sometime before the Cenozoic Era
ends when I go out to eat. Usually at
restaurants, by the time the pizza ar-
rives, my body pans have begun to
fossilize.

Pizza deliveries by car are no bet-
ter. The pizza I ordered during my
Jimmy Carter inaugural party should
arrive any time now. I can almost
picture a pizza delivery guy arriving
at the Alamo, yelling “Uhhhh I
got a delivery here for a D. Crock-
ctr."

-Pizza folks love to drive me into
a frenzy of excitement by offering
me tons of “free” (if you pay for it)
goodies when I stop by. Tote bags,
thermoses and other miscellaneous
pizza paraphernalia are touted in TV
commercials.

Of course, when I arrive at my fa-
vorite neighborhood branch, I find
out those giveaway offers apply to
“participating restaurants only."

 

And mine isn’t participating. In
fact, none of them are. I take that
back — the one in Sri Lanka is
cranking out the tote bags faster than
you can say “four bucks, four
bucks."

-To add insult to injury, pizzas
don’t even cost what they are listed.
Oh, they may be something like four
bucks at the table or on the phone,
but when it’s time to pay the bill, the
cost is somehow $13.75. Turns out
there are hidden taxes, non-taxes,
service charges, tariffs, user fees,
revenue enhancers and other costs I
didn’t quite fathom when I ordered
the food.

Perhaps I should have suspected
something when the person taking
the phone order said something
about “read my lips."

-The pizza I order and the pizza
that I get usually aren’t the same an-
imal. Through circumstances too
complicated to understand, my order
for “a medium-sized sausage pizza"
somehow gets interpreted as a "ex-
tra-large anchovy pan pizza, hold
the crust”

Of course, when the guy comes to
my door, he expresses his deep sor-
row that a mistake was made. “Sor-
ry, dude,” he says.

One popular pizza eatery offers
crust about the approximate thick
ness of a bundt cake with a few
sprinkles of tomato paste and some
artificial cheese on the top. It‘s a lot
like eating a sand dune.

The place brags you can get two
pizzas for the price of one, which
sounds like a real value until you
taste why they’re so inexpensive.

 

 

 

Actually, they expect you to eat the
box, which you can do with no no-
ticeable loss of flavor.

Even our own UK Student Center
grille (or “Chateau de Eats.” as I
prefer to call it) sells pizza. And it’s
notjust any pizza. It’s that same de-
lightfully rubbery colloidal mass
that you still haven't completely di-
gested since high school. “Goodyear
Surprise,” we pizza veterans call it.

I’m not trying to turn anyone off
pizza, goodness knows. I’m as big a
fan of the stuff as anyone.

It's a health food, containing all of
the major food groups right there on

JERRY VOIGT/Slalf Artist

one convenient disc. So head off to
your favorite pizzeria and enjoy
yourself.

And when you find the coupons
you brought expired last week (it
says “expires last week" in extreme-
ly fine print at the bottom) and your
order mistakenly has no cheese or
some bizarre fruit toppings, just sit
back at laugh it up as you listen to
the hilarious “four bucks. four
bucks" girl. Isn't she a real hoot?

Senior Staff Writer Toby Gibbs is
a journalism senior and a Kernel
columnist.

Kick the habit this week with the ‘Great American Smokeout’

ALL SMOKERS! Get set for a
smoke-free day. The 14th “Great
American Smokeout" is tomorrow.

The “Great American Smokeout"
is the American Cancer Society‘s
national annual event dedicated
solely to giving smokers a chance to
“stop” for a day. The philosophy of
the smokeout is: if a smoker can
stop for a day, then he can stop for
good.

There are many different ways a
smoker can stop, but the method he
chooses depends on the reason he
smokes.

People choose to smoke for at
least one of the following reasons:
stimulation, accentuatiori of pleas-
ure, psychological crutch, psycho
logical craving, habit and/or addic-
tive properties of nicotine.

Some smokers use cigarettes for
stimulation — to help wake up in
the morning and organize their ener-
gies. Other smokers use tobacco to
feel good or to keep from feeling
bad.

Tobacco can also be a "crutch" in
moments of stress or discomfort.
Habitual smokers light up uncon-

 

For the
HEALTH OF IT

sciously. Smokers who are psycho-
logically addictcd crave cigarettes
one after another.

But most smokers are addicted to
the nicotine, the most widespread
form of drug dependency in the
United States.

Knowing the reasons you smoke
is helpful in targeting the approach
for a successful beginning to a
smoke-free life. If you smoke for
simulation, identify other arm that
will give you the same feeling — a
brisk walk or moderate exercise can
be used when the urge to smoke be-
comes overpowering.

If you use the cigarettes as a
“crutch," you need to try to stop
smoking when everything in life is
going well and identify other ways
to handle stress.

Going “cold turkey” is the best
method if you are psychologically
addicted Habitual smohen need to

become aware of their patterns of
smoking before they can change
their habits.

T