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Columnist answers questions about your love

life and more









Journalist discusses global issues at UK

By Emily Hunkler

Amid publicity stops everywhere
from the United Nations to BBC.
journalist Nick Clooney is scheduled
to stop at UK tonight to discuss an
issue he believes is underreported.

“I will use any venue I can. par-
ticularly an intellectual center. to see
what we can do to ameliorate or stop
what is happening in Darfur.“
Clooney said.

"This story is under-covered. and
we need to make sure at least the
people who care are armed with the

information to rattle the cages of
their elected officials and tell every-
one they know."

Clooney will be at the
W.T. Young Library Auditori—
um at 6 pm. tonight to present
“In Search of Darfur.”

“In Search of Darfur"
chronicles the ten-day trip he
and his actor/director son
George Clooney made to
refugee camps in Chad in
April 2006.

During their time there,
Clooney and his group spoke
to people who were affected by the

the Darfurian region of western Su-

According to the Na-
tional Underground Rail-
road Freedom Center.
where "In Search of Dar-
fur“ was exhibited this
summer. more than
400.000 Darfurians have
been killed, and more than
2 million Darfurians have
been displaced since 2002.

Roughly 500 Darfuri-
ans die each day as a result
of murder. torching vil-
lages, poisoning water supplies and


“1 think that everybody needs to
recognize the fact we live in a global
community, and everything affects
everybody even if it is not immedi-
ately seen." said Beth Barnes. direc-
tor of the School of Journalism and

“This is a great example of how
powerful journalism is to identify the
issues people should be talking about
when they are not,” Barnes said.

The presentation comes at a time
of international attention on the is-
sues facing Darfur.

On September 30. the African
Union is pulling its peace troops out

ernment has refused to approve re-
placing them with U.N. forces.

Clooney‘s presentation is free and
open to the public.

The presentation will consist of a
speech. a brief video of Clooney’s
trip to Darfur and a question—and-an-
swer session.

“I want to know what students
know." Clooney said. “Why is this
not a big story? Why is it not covered
more in the news?

“I am there to learn as much as
anybody. Everything evolves, includ-
ing my job. I want to know what stu-
dents think."

brutalities of the Janjaweed militia in


rises in


By Chris Wei:

killing and stealing livestock. of the region. and the Sudanese gov-



Ben Abell,
a 2006
graduate of
the UK Col»
lege of
plants car-
rots in a
which is a
that helps
the farm to
grow late
tall crop:



The UK College of Medicine improved its rank
among public universities that receive funding
from the National Institute of Health. according to'
the organization's 2005 report.

The college moved to No. 30. up one spot from
its previous ranking of No. 3] in 2004. and up five
spots from No. 35 in 2003.

“(The College of Medicine is) making an as’
sault on its top-20 goal." ——
said Dr. William Balke.
senior associate dean for
research at the college.

Dr. Jay Perman. dean
of the College of Medi-
cine and vice president for
clinical affairs. said the
college's goal is to reach
the top 20 in the NIH
ranking by 2020 —- a goal
that coincides with UK‘s
plan to become a top-20
public research university
by the same year.

“Our success is essential to the university‘s
achievement of top-20 status." Perman said.

“We believe (the positive move in the rankings)
is a testament to the hard work of our faculty. their
support staff and the college's research endeavors.
which help improve the lives of those in (Ken-
tucky) and around the nation." Perman said.

The NIH ranking reaffirms UK‘s role as a ma—
jor research center and as a “catalyst for a new
commonwealth." UK President Lee Todd said in an
e-mail to the Kernel.

Todd said the NIH ranking further demonstrates
that the medical school is conducting worthwhile
and life-changing research.

“From lung cancer to heart disease. our College
of Medicine u and the entire health enterprise at
UK —~ is tackling head—on the diseases and illness-
es that threaten Kentuckians and their families."
Todd said.

Perman said the funding the College of Medi-
cine receives from the NIH is currently more than
45 percent of the research funding received by UK.


"Our success is
essential to the
achievement of
top-20 status."

it. My

Dean of the

College at Medicme

Pilot program brings
students food
fresh from the farm

By Ryan W. Evans

news@kykernel corn

Unlike much of the food farmed in America today. the vegeta~
bles at Elmw'ood Stock Farm will haxe .i rclatitely short trip to the
stomachs of the public . lust down the road to UK dining halls.

It‘s part of a threermonth trial period of a new pilot program
aimed at investigating the potential of having local food options
available at UK. A Joint committee featuring members of the Din-
ing Services staff and the College of Agriculture dct iscd the pro—

"There was a common interest to get locally produced food in
the UK dining system." said Herb Strobcl. a committee member
and associate professor of anaerobic microbiology with the College


Tomatoes that are brought to UK from Elmwood Stock farm are put into boxes and
checked for rotten areas before being shipped.

The medicine school received l82 awards ‘


See Medical on page 5




UK sophomore defensive tackle Myron Pryor attempts to tackle junior quarter

back Brent Schaeffer. Pryor had one sack, forc

ed one fumble, recovered anoth-

er tumble and intercepted one pass during Saturday's game.


of Agriculture.

The program. which began in August. has provided all campus

See Farm on page 5

Cats win first SEC opener since 1987

By Jonathan Smith

For junior quarterback Andre Wood-
son and sophomore wide receiver Dicky
Lyons Jr.. not much changed Saturday
night at Commonwealth Stadium.

The UK football program. however.
underwent a huge revolution.

Woodson threw for three touchdowns,
and Lyons caught two scores — the third
game in a row both have done so —- to
lead the Cats to a 31-14 victory over Ole
Miss. With the win. the Cats won their
first Southeastern Conference opener in IQ

The win was also a milestone for head
coach Rich Brooks. For the first time in
his UK coaching tenure. Brooks has a
winning record.

“Small step. big step. medium step —
I don‘t know. but it's a step." Brooks said.

And it .s a step in the right direction

It was a tale of two halves for the
Cats‘ (2« I. I-0 SEC) offense and defense.

The offense had its way with Ole Miss
tl-2. 0—1) in the first half. scoring 2]
points. while the defense didn‘t surrender
a score in the second half. in addition to
forcing three tumovcrs.

Woodson threw all three of his touch—
downs in the first half. His first two went
to Lyons ~ a 26—yard floater that Lyons
caught up to. and a 6—yard strike in the
back of the end zone.

Lyons has only three receptions this
year that haven't gone for touchdowns.

“Every time I come to the sidelines.
somebody tells me my catches-to-touch—
down ratio.“ Lyons said. "It's nice; I'm
just fortunate enough to be in there when
(Woodson) audibles it to that play and to
have cracks by the goal line."

Woodson .s third touchdown pass was
to an unlikely source. With the game knotv
ted at I4— l4 late in the first half. Woodson
threw undemeath to backup quarterback
Curtis Pulley. Pulley danced his way
through the middle of the field to score
from 22 yards out for his first touchdown
as a wide receiver.

“We‘ve been working with Curtis h
obViously he‘s got great talents." Woodson
said. “We don‘t want to waste those tal—
ents. We reali7ed we had to get him on the
field somehow.“

After halftime. the UK offense strug-
gled. going three and out on its first three

The defense responded by thwarting
every Rebel threat. not allowing Ole Miss
to get in the end zone. Sophomore defen-

See Football on page 3

Mm 257-1915; W 257—2872



PAGEZI Mo_nday, SeptemberlB, 2006

your daily dose of entertainment, pop culture and fun Kernel ‘ 0.

For the record:
Happenings in



























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It's Over (Again)!

Orlando Bloom. 2‘). and
girlfriend Kate Bosworth. 2
have split after four years. ac-
cording to Entertainment
Tonight. The pair broke up
briefly once before. in February
2005. Reps for the actors could
not be reached for corntnent.

Baby News

Actress Amy Acker. 29
(Alias and Angel). and her hus-
bartd of three years. actor James
(‘arpinello. welcomed their sec—
ond child. Ava (Trace. Septem-
ber X irt Los Angeles.

Name Game

Sean Combs. 36. has agreed
to drop tlte nickname “Diddy”
III (ircat Britain after an out-of-
cottrt settlement with English
music producer Richard "Did—
dy Dearloy c.

The British l)iddy claimed
that (‘ombs‘ copycat nickname
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agreed to use “P. Diddy” in the
l' K.

For Sale

The Iconic granny panties
worn by Renee Zellweger. 37. in
Bridget .lones‘s Diary will be
auctioned off on September 14
to benefit Britain's Royal Parks



The knickers are signed by
her costar Hugh Grant. 46.

No Joke

David Letterman. 5‘). has
inked a founyear deal with CBS
to host the Late Show With
David Letterman through the
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figure of the pact is undisclosed.


Rapper 50 Cent. 31. was
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Alma Mater

Dwayne “The Rock" John-
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Continued from page 1

sive tackle Myron Pryor created
the most havoc — intercepting a
pass and recovering a fumble.

Pryor‘s interception came at
a key time in the game, when
Ole Miss was driving for the ty-
ing score.

On third and 6 from the UK
lO-yard line. Ole Miss quarter-
back Brent Schaeffer threw a
pass over the middle. Pryor
leaped up and snared it at the
line of scrimmage.

"I don‘t know many defen-
sive lineman at the line of
scrimmage that can jump up and
intercept a pass and actually
catch it." Brooks said.

Early in the fourth quarter.
the Rebels were again driving to
tie the game. On third and 3 on
UK‘s 26—yard line. Schaeffer
fumbled the snap that Pryor
aleitly jumped on.

The turnover led to a 13-
play. 50-yard drive that ended
with a 2-yard Tony Dixon
touchdown run.

The defense clinched the
win on the next play from
scrimmage when' comerback
Karl Booker laid a huge hit on
running back Bruce Hall.jarring
the ball loose. The fumble was
recovered by defensive tackle
Lamar Mills.

After the game. the celebra-
tion was fitting for a team that
hasn't had a winning record
since 2002.

“I knew there was a reason I
came here." Lyons said. “And
this is it right here with the team
we've got now."

First place in the SEC East
will be on the line next week,
when the Cats travel to
Gainesville to take on No. 5

Brooks said that although
the Cats haven‘t enjoyed much
success against Florida recently
~ they‘ve lost 19 straight in the
series — they will play with







Sophomore wide receiver, Dicky Lyons Jr scores the first touchdown for UK ariairist Ole Miss (lf‘i Saturday
Lyons had two touchdowns during the game

confidence knowing that they've
done something at UK that has—
n't happened in a long time.
“We‘re going down there
knowing that were making

progress as a iootball team."
Brooks said. “Ole Miss is not
chopped ll\ er. The} '\c got some
great athletes out there. For its to
hold our own and do what we


Ole Miss win sparks hope

R i c h
Brooks had
a theme in
p r a c t i c c
this week.

T h e
UK head
coach kept
ing his
p l a y e r s
with the
fact that
UK had
not won a
Southeastern Conference opener
since l987.

”Let‘s do something we
haven't done around here in a
long time." Brooks told them.

. Sanirday. they did.

After the game. a jubilant
Brooks was hesitant to define
the importance of Saturday‘s 3i-
14 win over Ole Miss.

“It‘s a step," he said. “Small
step. medium step. big step. I
don't know. I‘ll let the experts
decide that. But it‘s a step in the
right direction."

Coach. you‘re right. it was a
huge step.

Disregard that this is the first
time a Brooks team has had a
winning record.

Forget that UK had not beat-
en Ole Miss since I993.




The most important part of

Saturday‘s win is this:

It brings Hope.

Suddenly there are reasons
to believe in this team and its
ability to have a winning season:

The emergence of Dicky
Lyons Jr. u The wide receiyer
has caught six touchdowns in
three games. That‘s as many as
quarterback Andre Woodson
threw in 2005. Lyons~ success
has kept defenses from being
able to focus solely on Keenan
Burton. "(Lyons) has got to be a
pretty big story in college foot-
ball." Brooks said.

The maturity of Andre
Woodson —- The Junior quarter-
back looks like a different play»
er this year. Relaxed. Confident.

“People didn‘t understand
that he has matured." Burton
said. “There's no quit in him. He
knows that if we‘re going to be
successful. he‘s going to have to
lead this team."

Woodson is doing that. He
played his best game Saturday.
and will need to continue to cle-
vate his performance as the SEC
slate gets tougher.

Myron Pryor —- The big—play
potential of the defensive tackle
was on display Saturday He rer
covered a fumble and made a

“More important {than the
number of turnmci'si is when
we got them." Brooks said.
"Particularly the one by Prior
tHel made an unbelicuibly ath-
letic play“

it was clear during the game
that Brooks knew how badl_\ his
pla}ei's had to have ll. He
jumped around with glee w hen
the delt‘ltse stoned ()lc‘ Miss till
a tourthrand~onc in the second
quarter. He met l’r)or with a
double high-live alter the inter

But after the game. it was
clear that the pla}crs knew how
htttll} Brooks liail lilll1l\C ii.

"I think he's excited about

did with them speaks \olui

for what these guys are tr) ing

acct impl i sh



for Cats

it.“ Burton said. “i think
knows that we‘re behind l


because he‘s been behind us."

UK now

heads to Florida

with the momentum of a two—

gamc winning streak

’l he

(iatoi‘s are coming oil an emo-

lltlllitll) and ph)siciill) drain
erltl win .it 'leniicsscc.
likcl} won't be all that tried
to pin) (is. .\ic things ripe
an epic iipscll’

“We‘re going
knowing we're making pi'ogi
as a loothall team." llrooks s.

illicrc is llopc.

.\nd that s something
lia\cn't had around here ll

down tit-s






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I 8, 2006

Page ll

Have a problem?

Ask Profwmr (362111:

Professor Walt Genius i.\ a Professor Emeritus at South Dakota
State lx’nit't'rsity. He holds doctoral degrees in Antltroprimorphit‘ Soci»
ology. litperimental Medu‘ine, Global Astrophysics, and Economii‘
Nomenclatm‘t'. H1’ is a member oft/re National Academy ((fSt'lt’Iu't‘,
the Royal Society, the Burger King Kids ('luh, and the National ( 'oun-
(‘ll ot'Biovthit's. He received the [MacArthur Genius“ Grant, a Nobel
Prize/or (‘lu'niistr\'. and a 'Ii'wi Choice Award. He has been nominat—
edjorfour [)aytiint' lfmmys' and a BAFTA.

Dear Professor Genius.

My girlfriend and I got in a big fight
last weekend at the bar, and since then
she has put up a Hawaiian lei on her
rearview mirror. What exactly does
this mean? Am I in trouble?

—Confused Non-Hawaiian
Dear C N H .

I don't know what exactly you are talk—
ing about. but I‘ll give it a go. You my
friend are not in trouble. but it is in fact your
girlfriend that is in trouble.

She must have recently acquired
Rearyiew Lei Disease (RLD). RLD is a
growing problem currently manifested in
3% of America's population (according to
the 2(X)2 census).

Before you get concerned. don‘t be wor—
ried. you won‘t get it. RLD is exclusively
limited to female members of the species.
though there is the possibility that this dis—
ease may spread to men.

Many women acquire RLD after expo-
sure to Thematic Hawaiian Elements

THEs are commonly found in party
stores. airports. postcards. television pro—
grams. dollar stores. and Hawaii. Women
typically acquire RLD from THE due to the
acute cstrogcnic response to warm tempera—
tures. plumeria. hibiscus. volcanoes. poi.
and surting.

There is no known cure for RLD. how~
ever the best treatment for it is removal from

THE exposure. an Epsom salt bath. cod liv—
er oil. and the collected works of ABBA. I
hope that helps.

Professor Genius

Dear Professor Genius.
Is it possible to get STDs from a born-
again virgin?

— Hopeful Reader

Dear HR.

I‘m not sure what you mean by “STD".
but I'll give it a go. I last came across the
Bom»Again Virgins lBAVs) while trekking
the tropical rainforests of Sumatra. They are
a curious hunter—gatherer tribe whose belief
system focuses on two tenets: one of rein-
carnation and the other that all individuals
are born virgins. They have a curious
propensity for lying.

I had the fortune of sharing a meal of
coconut-roasted mulagu la type of fruit bat)
with them. Halfway through my meal. I no-
ticed that the roasted mulagu was stolen off
of my plantain leaf by a boy named Tiki
Wiki. When l interrogated the boy and
scolded him as he was eating my mulagu. he
insisted that I had already eaten mine and
that that mulagu was his. I told him he was
a liar and slapped him. The tribe proceeded
to call me "Gargaraniba". which literally
translates to "Clear Satan". and l was forced
to leave.

Needless to say. you don‘t want to ask

Ellen Sawyer

Features Editor

Phone 2574915
teaturestiz‘kykernei com

BAVs questions, because anytime you ask a
liar a question they will probably lie. Of
course. you could lie when you ask your
question. thereby forcing them to tell you
the truth. I hope that helps.

Professor Genius

Dear Professor Genius,
I really like club music — does that
make me gay?
' — Non-gay Clubber

Dear NGC.

I don‘t really understand the question.
but I‘ll give it a shot. Surprisingly. through-
out my travails. l have never heard any club
music, so I was forced to look it up. After
extensive research in my local public library.
I found a fascinating book on European club

l was intrigued by the number of sounds
you can generate using a club or mallet and
a dead fish or other piece of meat. My fa-
vorite songs include "Love Me Tenderized".
“While My Halibut Gently Weeps". “Swing
Low. Sweet Billy Club". and “Pound of Si~
lence". I may not have known anything
about club music prior to your question. but
now I am a true fan.

I don’t understand why you are confused
about whether or not club music makes you
happy. I say if you like club music. be gay
and be proud about it. It seems like in this
day and age. people try to keep you from
being happy. but I say do whatever makes
you happy. In the end. we only want one
thing out of life... to be gay. I hope that

Professor Genius

Professor Genius is graduate student Ravi
.S‘uhramanian. His column will rim every
Monday. This column is meant to be satiri-
("ill and these questions were not sulnnitted
by t1('lll(ll students.



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By Pamela Burke

September marks UK‘s sec-
ond annual Fire Safety Month,
and the university is doing its
part to get students prepared in
case a fire emergency situation
ever occurs.

The Lexington Fire Depart—
ment and UK are working to-
gether to provide activities stu-
dents can watch and participate
in throughout the month.

“We want the campus com—
munity to get involved in hands-
on activities.” said UK emer-
gency management director
Christy Giles.


Captain Shaun Brown of the Lexington Fire Department explains to unde»
clared freshman, Lauren Marcus, the hazards of smoke inhalation on Fri-
day outside Patterson Office Tower as part of Campus Fire Safety Month.

Such activities include a
smoke house. fire extinguishing
training. a sprinkler buggy
demonstration. an infrared cam-
era demonstration and a car ex-
traction demonstration.

Some students participated
in these events Friday in the Pat-
terson Office Tower Plaza. and
other activities are scheduled for
different locations throughout
the end of the September.

The idea is that students on
campus need to learn about tire
safety not only through watch-
ing and listening to these
demonstrations. but by taking
pan and experiencing them.

Every Monday night in Sep-


tember there will be a mock fire
at a different dorm as part of the
hands-on demonstrations.

“This mock fire shows stu-
dents what it‘s like to be in a
smoke-filled environment (or a)
fire situation.“ said Greg
Williamson. UK assistant fire
marshal. “The police department
and the fire department will re-
spond to this mock fire as they
normally would for a real fire. It
feels like the real thing.