xt7ksn012v31 https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt7ksn012v31/data/mets.xml The Kentucky Kernel Kentucky -- Lexington The Kentucky Kernel 2004-11-12 Earlier Titles: Idea of University of Kentucky, The State College Cadet newspapers  English   Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel  The Kentucky Kernel, November 12, 2004 text The Kentucky Kernel, November 12, 2004 2004 2004-11-12 2020 true xt7ksn012v31 section xt7ksn012v31 Friday

November 12, 2004

newsroom: 257-1915

First issue free. Subsequent issues 25 cents.


Celebrating 33 years of independence





UK drumline snare drum and cymbal players practice near the Singletar
each other nicknames, including Slurpee, Goat, Peppers and Shrek.


The UK drumline, along with the marching band, will perform at the
final home game tomorrow at 1 pm. at Commonwealth Stadium.


scan Lourm | surr

y Center this week. The drumline members have a history of giving

different beat

By Kristin Hogue

Outrageous nicknames.
football played on a bus and
wild costumes highlight
one of the loudest groups
on campus the [TR drum-

“I describe its as a
group equivalent to a mul~
let." said Matthew Bentley
a civil engineering sopho-
more. “Business up front
and a party in the back."

The drumline consists
of students of all years and
majors. Between practices.
games and various other
ensemble performances.
those who make up the
drumline spend quite a bit
of time together. A few
even live together

"If you live on the first
floor of Keeneland (Hall)
and wondered where all the
yelling is coming frotn. a
couple of the guys got ad-
joining rooms." Bentley

“You don't have to be a
music major to be in (the
drumline) you just have
to be able to play and play
well." said .lon l)oty. a mu
sic education sophomore.

Traditions and inside
jokes are entwined with the

drumline; many have been
around for several years.

“Being in drumline is
one big inside joke. even
while we play." said Davy
Anderson. a music educa—
tion sophomore. "There are
some jokes that many on
the inside don‘t even

(me of the better-known
traditions of the drumline
is giving nicknames. done
every year for "as long as
anyone can remember."
said (‘harlie ()lvera. a mu»
sic education freshman.

During liarly Week. bet-
ter known as hand catnp.
the veteran members deter»
mine what nicknames will
be bestowed upon the new
comers based on embar-
rassing moments and ac-

lf newcomers turn
down the name given to
them. they are typically
given something more em-

Some of the current
nicknames include (mat,
Slurpee. Muffin. l‘eepers
and Shrek. said (‘ollin
Berner. a music education
senior and the bass drum
section leader

See Drumline on page 5



K appoints new
artnership provost

By Shannon Mason
Tifflfihfilch new

John Yopp has been ap»
pointed associate provost for
educational partnerships.

Yopp is a current senior
scholar in residence at the
Council of Graduate Schools
in Washington. l).C.. and was
a vice president for graduate
and professional education at
the Educational Testing Ser-
vice in Princeton. NJ.

The position of associate
provost for educational part-
nerships is a new one. Niet‘
zel said. It actually combines
tWo jobs and two different

The first job is the director
for the Appalachian Mathe-
matics and Science Partner-
ship. a federally funded pro
gram that seeks to improve
math and science education
in Appalachia. This job has
existed for two years and is
currently held by Wimherly
Royster. who is retiring.

"l have so much respect
for the current director
(Royster)." Yopp said. "It's an
honor to follow in his foot
steps. although I can't re»
place him,"

Yopp has been a member


of the National Advisory
Board for the partnership
since the program started.

The second job is to ex-
tend attempts to develop bet-
ter relationships with ele-
mentary. middle and high
school outreach.

Nietzel said he has two
main goals for the position.

“The goals are to make
AMSl’ a national model for
outreach." he said. "and to
grow the university's capa—
bilities of being a partner
with K-lL’ education."

Yopp said that he expects
the “very dedicated" staff of
the partnership to accom-
plish many goals of the pro-
gram and that he has been
“absolutely amazed” in work-
ing with them so far.

He also expects that the
gap between Appalachia and
the rest of the country in
math and science will be re
duced and that there will be
much better teacher prepara-
tion in these areas,

Nietzel said Yopp was the
right choice for the job.

“He has an extensive
background extx'rience in
administration and academic

See Provost on page 2


UK senior quarterback Shane Boyd


UK football seniors:
In their own words
Page 8

Adventures Abroad:
Those pesky language barriers
Page 3

NCAA self-study
seeks to elevate
graduation rate

By Adam Sichko

lJK‘s N(‘AA self-study
steering committee debated
ways to improve graduation
rates among student-athletes
yesterday after approving
tnuch of its draft report.

The N(‘AA requires its
member schools to complete a
self-study in order to achieve
re-certification. which allows
UK to compete in NCAA
sporting events.

"Our drafts are thorough.
wellcc)nsidered. balanced and
fair." said Darrell Jennings.
chair of the academic integri-
ty subcommittee. ".-\nything
we‘re debating is items we
need to do more research on "

The final report is due in

The group has not fully de»
veloped a recommendation for
improving student-athlete
graduation rates.

The committee‘s report
shows the graduation rate for
student-athletes in "revenue
sports" such as football and
basketball is significantly low
er than rates for l'K as a
whole. or even other student-
athletes. The report said the
low rate may be due to other
factors besides poor “acadein
ic preparation."

The committee may i‘ec»
ointnetid creating a "general
degree" program. designed to
help students who typica lj.
leave L'K after their athletic el
igibility has expired. without
earning a degree.

In ihistiye oi sivyeri: p?"-
gram. all l'K students riot
just athletes could l‘itt't‘ih‘
broadbased training in a vui
ety of topic areas while at“ be
mg forced to choose one site
cific major, said .leuiu ‘..:s.
who came up w ith lllt idea

":\ lot of our tli-Ji‘cc pro
grains are structured
same as when we oi igiuaih
created them .io or lo years
ago. when .1 four year colleg"
career was very common.
Jennings said. ‘But it’s hard
to expect :itlilctcs to liii‘ci
them into a tour-year pr: igrair.
when our other students tend
not to do that. too ‘

But President Lee l1 idd
said the marketing of sari; 1
program would have to be
carefully planned out

“The downside would in
discouraging 'rowi
taking tought-rinajorso: sti'l
'l‘odd \Illtl “\Vc lor’
want couches say ing. in ti? in


plan cr's



an engineering iiiztloi‘. that's
tootlllllclllt '

Athletic l)ll't'(‘ttil‘ .\lll( l‘
Barnliari cautioned that tiii
academic deans could per
ceive [lll' program as "a wa
tereddown degrec‘ but he
would consider the program it
it were properlv structured.

"Before we set this in cot;
crete. i want to lie \lll'l‘ till\
(graduation rate; ..;i.. to
can aim for.” llarnliari said
"I'm not setting something up
where we'll nevi he iblo- to
compote- :iL‘Illil’

.\ rect:intneridation 2n 'ius
arezi must he one he lu-iietzts
students ind the czuivi'sv.
like l'K‘s ‘..'I'.t!lll.ll1tifi i'iil7?":1:"
program Jennings said

"ln the best tiltssllilv‘ woz'lt:
we would llllil some new ctr
atiye idea.. he said "'l'i‘v
problem is luv been c'istitzz.
broad nets but '
tip with Jlf‘.‘.’llilli‘; no ' ”

Jennings srud ‘hc L'I‘H‘IU s
efforts are designed to help
the l 'K .\tl.ls Y't llepe"titien‘

"The best lic' is lli'T to ll.l-‘ u.
away trout an: of
said. "All cl ’his is vet"; il’l

con" comv

this, h.

r“. rut/Isl

III‘II MANN A‘il‘itwl I [PW/’3

Input forurri i
l only draws
one student

l at r)i"/‘l" W?

0‘ PM ,
lti llttb lt.‘

.tl"i_ll l l\ s \l ‘f

crow \i.


See NCAA it .~- I

id..._____e. _. .- ._M ‘_n..,


By Jeff Patterson I The Kentucky Kernel
l loili‘s lic‘llii'c lxit‘lx’iill. tut
messages flood his cell phi inc.
'l‘hc quaitci‘back studies
them for c‘iicotii'agcincnt.
( )nc \ crsc alu a\ s resonates

more than the rest.
It's the one thats carried him

through even
scast )ll.

game in a to ing

The passage can be found in the Bible he reads
before each game in the locker room But whenev
er friends and family send Deuteronomy 31:6 to his
phone. Shane Boyd makes sure to read it.

“Be strong and of good courage. do not fear or
be in dread of them: for it is the Lord your God
who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake
you." the scripture reads.

“You always set the time to talk to the Lord."
Boyd says. "As long as I'm playing for him. as long

as he's clapping

that‘s the only thing that mat

In spite of a disappointing 1-8 senior season
heading into his final home game Saturday at

“M man I STA"

See Boyd on page 4






KATY, Texas ~ Carol
Coons keeps her son‘s dog
tags and framed photo in the
living room. on the same
shelf as the dried roses from
his memorial service.

She keeps her file folder in
a kitchen drawer. “I call this
my investigation folder." she
said. pulling it out. dog-eared
and thick with research.
scribbled names and notes
from her many phone calls to
Washington officials. “We just
had all these questions. and
they had no answers."

On June 21. 2003. the
Army evacuated Master Sgt.
James Curtis Coons. 36. from
Kuwait afier he overdosed on
sleeping pills. He told doctors
he was seeing the shattered
face of a dead soldier in the
mirror. They diagnosed him
with post~traumatic stress dis-
order, sent him to a hospital
in Germany and then to their
premier treatment facility.
Walter Reed Army Medical
Center in Washington. D.(‘.
By July 4 he was dead. hang—
ing from a bedsheet in his
room at Mologne House. a ho
tel for outpatients and fami-
lies on the grounds of Walter

Nineteen months later.
Carol Coons and her hus-
band. Richard. have not given
up their quest for answers.
Why wasn't her son admitted
as an inpatient? Why. after
four days of worried phone
calls. did it finally take a 2
am. call from his wife to get
someone to check on him.”
How long had he been dead
before his body was found”

James widow Robin has

NCAA vvvvv

Continued from page i


comments or suggestions to
the self-study group.

Connie Ray. chair of the
steering committee and the
vice president for institution
al research. planning and ef-
fectiveness at UK. said she



m: z | Friday. Nov. 12. 2004


another question. not about
how her husband died but
how he is remembered: After
17 years of military service.
after a Bronze Star awarded
for Operation Iraqi Freedom.
why is the name of James
Coons not counted among the
Iraq war dead?

“That really makes me an-
gry How can he not be put in
there as a casualty of war? I
don't understand that." Robin
said. “It’s like. because he did
that to himself. he‘s forgot-

Haunted by a corpse's face

In the months leading up
to the March 2003 invasion of
Iraq. Kuwait's Camp Doha
was bustling. Members of the
tBSth Signal Company. of
which Coons was the first
sergeant. readied telephones.
computers and other commu-
n icat ion infrastructure.
(‘oons supervised the soldiers
and civilian contractors on
the base. working more than
loo hours a week.

The military recognized
(‘oons' leadership during 0;}
eration Iraqi Freedom with a
Bronze Star. “His actions en—
sured complete dominance
and victory on the battle-
field." the citation reads.

But the flush of victory
had worn off by June. and the
bodies of soldiers killed dur~
ing the occupation arrived at
the (‘amp Doha morgue

(‘oons set up the morgue
communications network.
(me time. he asked a morgue
worker to show him a body so
he could pay his respects. He
told his friend Carol Hanston.

a contractor. that he couldn‘t

was not bothered that just
one person attended the to-

“(living the community a
chance to place their input
on this study is something
we feel we need to do and
should do." Ray said.

She said that higher insti-
tutions are typically asking
for feedback from the com-

The study has been pre-
smiled to other organizations

T/( K[ 75; (A)! . SALE NOW

" I l 1" ‘f‘



c .'


get the image out of his mind.
“He said he would go home
and dream about them. and it
felt like he was in a night.

At first he couldn't sleep.
According to Coons‘ medical
records. he went to a doctor
on June 1 complaining of
headaches and stress. The
doctor diagnosed depression
and prescribed an antidepres-
sant. possible counseling and
a follow-up visit in two weeks.

Coons was close to going
home. The unit was scheduled
to return at the end of the
month. and he had trained his
replacement. He would be re
united with his family and
had been accepted to the
Army's Sergeant Majors
Academy. the realization of
his longtime dream. He would
start in January

But he was haunted by the
mutilated face. When he
looked in the mirror. accord-
ing to his medical records. he
saw the face of the corpse in-
stead of his own. On June 17.
he took 10 sleeping pills and
then had his stomach pumped
at the base hospital. “I just
wanted to make it stop." he
said. according to his medical

Lt. (‘01. Anthony R.
Williams. commander of the
54th Signal Battalion. went to
the hospital that night. When
doctors told him that Coons
had tried to hurt himself. “I
was blown away." Williams
said. “I saw him every day.
and he performed above and
beyond. I never saw a sign of
someone under stress. He was
our Rock of Gibraltar.“

Doctors labeled it a “suici-

dal gesture" and admitted
Coons as a psychiatric patient
for four days. At first. Coons
denied that he had intended
to kill himself and seemed
anxious about how the inci-
dent could affect his military

But after the diagnosis of
post~traumatic stress disor-
der. he said he realized that he
needed help. Under constant
observation. Coons isolated
himself in the hospital. slept
for hours and refused to par-
ticipate in ward activities.

He was evacuated to Ger-
many. where he stayed for sev-
eral days.

Robin said she last spoke
to her husband on June 28. He
told her he was headed for
Walter Reed.

“I asked him if he wanted
me to meet him. and he said
no. because he thought he
would only be there for a few
days. He said he would call
when he arrived. or would
have someone else call if he
couldn't.“ Robin said.

Her phone never rang.

Coons was evacuated from
Germany on June 30. and his
medical report said. “Not an
imminent risk to self/others."
A ‘mentd health casualty'

Exhibit 32 of the US.
Army Criminal Investigation
Report referring to July 4.

“At about 2:15 am. lady
called who said she was the
wife of Rm 179 (Coon). She
wanted to know if anyone
had seen him since he
checked in on the 30th. I
asked housekeeping to go
over and check it out. Door

Mother looks for answers after soldier son’s suicide

was bolted from inside. We
waited a while then got per-
mission to get key"

Exhibit 6 of the report:

“I opened the door. and no
ticed a strong smell of decay.
then saw the body of a male
hanging by the neck just in-
side the door. I im-
the door and went
to contact the po

closed "It' 5 like.
because he


port. which does not address
whether anyone followed up.
The date of death matters
greatly to his mother. who
spoke of her son's patriotism.
“For someone to say he died
on the Fourth of July. it’s an
insult to his memory." she
said. “He loved this

Peter Anderson.
general manager of

lice." - Mologne House. did
The report am that to not return calls
cleared a Walter ' v seeking comment.
fieedtdgctm‘. 92mg :lmsetItf' has No public an-
igen omict e in nouncement was
Coons' death. orqo en' made about Coons’
Walter Reed re- Robin Coons death. and his name
sponded to five re- ”mp...” does not appear on

quests for an inter-

view with a written statement
issued Wednesday through
the US. Army: “To minimize
the risk of suicide” among
psychiatric patients. “we do a
thorough clinical assessment.
referral to an appropriate lev-
el of care. and monitoring for
changes in risk status. Regret-
tably. even with the highest
level of care. suicide is not al-
ways predictable or pre-

Coons' autopsy. performed
by the office of the DC. med-
ical examiner. lists the date of
death as July 4. the day the
body was found. At the re
quest of The Washington
Post. the coroner of Alleghe-
ny County. Pa.. Cyril H.
Wecht. reviewed the autopsy
and said the level of decompo
sition suggested that Coons
had been dead “at least 72

Coons missed a doctor’s
appointment July 1. accord-
ing to the investigation re-

the official Depart-
ment of Defense listing of
Iraq war dead.

A Defense Department of-
ficial said Wednesday that the
department is revising its ca-
sualty policy and considering
whether to include “mental
health casualties" - soldiers
who served in war and died
by suicide outside the combat

The policy now recognizes
soldiers who commit suicide
only while in the war zone. If
Coons had died in Kuwait
from his overdose, the Army
would have considered him a
war casualty

But each service branch
has some discretion in how it
classifies deaths. Col. Joseph
G. Curtin. an Army
spokesman. said the Army re
view board “is willing to com-
municate with the family on
this matter."

Washington Post staff re-
searcher Bobbye Pratt con-
tributed to this report.


on campus. such as the
Alumni Association. the Uni-
versity Senate and UK's aca-
demic deans.

The purpose of the study
is to help ensure the integrity
of the school‘s athletic pro-
grams and to show people
who are not involved with ath.
letics how the programs run.

The NCAA requires high-
er institutions to complete a
self-study every ten years.
Ray said.



tucit nt



spotlight G )1)

“By studying the athletics

programs. we are able to see

what programs are lacking."

Ray said. Plans are then de- "

veloped to help these pro-
grams. she said.

“It was a lot of reading
and a lot of work. but I think
we're in good shape." Ray

“UK has improved
quality in athletics."



its 3


newszakykernelrom :=


Provost _

Continued from page 1

programs." Nietzel said.

Yopp was the former
dean of the graduate school
at Southern Illinois Univer-
sity in Carbondale. Ill. He
received his bachelor‘s de-
gree cum laude at George

town University and his
doctorate in biology at the
University of Louisville.

A Paducah. Ky. native.
Yopp said he is excited to re-
turn home to work in the
outreach of these partner-

“You can‘t have educa-
tion reform unless it comes
from within." he said. “It
can't come from without.“


' 47F“


Student Volunteer *enter


















ER 8-12



M- F 11AM- 8PM







Nov. 12. 2004


Hillary Canada

Asst. Features Editor
Mono: 251-1915

E-mall: hcanodultyltornoixom


‘Could you help me zip my pants, please?’

There's something tutdeni-
ably humbling about interna
tional travel that makes yoti
realize quite a bit about your
First. that
mom al-
ways re-
minded you
to wash
your under.
wear. Sec-
ond. that
dad always
told you
when to
c h a n g e
your oil.
And third.
and perhaps most important.
that you‘ve never tried to navi»
gate the Cincinnati airport
armed only with a bagel and a
map of Paris before!

And in such contempla
tion did I find myself loaded
to the gills with (‘11s. French
dictionaries and two pounds
of Skittles (long flight). star-
ing blankly at two signs that
would ultimately teach me my
most important lesson thus
far absolutely none 111‘ this
was going to come easy?

Concourse B. as my ticket
indicated. was the escalator
on the left. International De-
partures which I guessed.
perhaps too boldly. included
France , , was on the right.

Concourse B. left. Interna-
tional Departures. right.

And as any logical person
would do. I smoothly pretend»
ed to tie my shoelace and
watched to see what the next
guy would do.

After tying and retying
both shoes a few dozen times

~ and receiving some helpful
advice from a concerned four
year—old on the matter I de-
cided I had no more dignity to

I tm‘ned right.

And I discovered both es,
calators ultimately lead to the
same destination: the top.
Donald Duck could have fig-
ured that one out with more

But I continued to my gate
with 1e1ativ1ly littl Ie complexi
ty. telling my sell all th1 while
that humility is a v ll tue. and
hurried to the desk. 11 here I
was curtly instructed to wait.


111111111 coumms1 A

It was an unnerving wait. of

I just had to see
what the inflight movie
would be but I finally coir
clpded that they must be de-
fogging the airpl 1111 after a

_L_. A,,,..., ,


particularly smelly passenger.
and so resolved myself to wait

And then I boarded my
plane. Flight 47, Paris-bound.
It was 2 pm. on Jan. 15. 2004.

It‘s amazing what runs
through your head just before
your first international depar-

Minute one: This is great! I
love peanuts!

Minute one and a half:
Who should I call?

Two minutes. 38 seconds:
()li. geez. I hope I don‘t have to
sit next to that guy! Is that

Ten minutes: This plane is
going to France. right?

And at twenty minutes
sharp you begin to panic. and
creating lewd dialogue bub-
bles for the characters in the
Emergency Response Manual
ceases to distract you from
your concern.

This comes after you real—
ize that. hey: you speak French
like a dead frog quacks (that
is. poorly). and you‘ve just wa-
gered the next six months of
your life on your ability to say
"doughnut" in an intelligible
manner , you‘re not really
sure what they eat in France.
but are pretty certain that fat-
tening. cream-filled pastries
have to be universal.

Now you‘re so stressed
that you‘re throwing back
peanuts like cocaine. tighten-
ing your seatbelt between
gulps and rocking in your
chair like a bobble-head doll
on a three-legged pony. Need
less to say. you're doomed.

'l‘wenty-two minutes: I
wonder if my tickets are re

Twenty-two minutes. five
seconds: Could [just live in
the airport for the next six
months? Would mom be mad?

And that is the last
thought that will run through
your head before the plane
takes off and changes your
life forever.

Despite everything. you
can barely control your excite—

Now. you'll promise your
self that you'll spend the next
eight hours of your life hrush-
ing up on how 111 say. "Help
me. I‘m lost and staiying." but
you‘ll opt instead to repeated
ly watch the French transla-
tlon 11f Spiderman (read:
Spt‘1‘1lzit‘i‘I'M1’1lmi and laugh a
bit too loudly at the Green
(‘yoblin‘s voice dub.

You're only human. after


Finally you will arrive.
half hopped up on too many
Skittles and unrestrained ex-
citement. the other half
lethargic and pissy from sleep
depravation and an ardent de
sire to brush your teeth.

But the new challenge will
rejuvenate you. and so you
step off the plane and into a
strange New World. feeling
full of confidence and motiva
tion .. which will last only
about as long as you can keep
your mouth shut.

To help you through the
first few trials in this New
World. you will certainly be
carrying a phrase book with
important questions such as.
“Where’s the train station?“
and “Could you help me zip
my pants. please?“

This book gives you the
sense of security that whatev-
er the scenario. you‘ll be able
to ask the appropriate ques-

No problem.

"Excuza ma. sire." you‘ll
say in your best lousy French
accent. “Coold you tell ma
wear I mit find 1e train to Be-

“Mais bien stir. 111011 pote!
C‘est commode! C'est tout
pres. juste a gauche, en face de
l‘accueil! Tout a l'heure!"

[Pause Long silence]

"Le train to Besaticon?“

“C'est juste a gauche."

[More silence. awkward

“Well. this is unexpected."
you'll foolishly think to your

Only here will you realize
you have over-looked the most
fundamental rule in fishing
for information when you
ask a question. an answer will
ensue. When you ask that
question in French. the an-
swer will come 1A in French.

This. of course. you are
completely unprepared for.

You feel the panic coming
back. but you hide it behind a
dopey smile and a shrug of
your shoulders (this. you
hope. is the international sig-
nal for "almost brain dead").
Your comrade gets the Ines-
sage. and with a raised right
eyebrow guides you himself.

Finally you find what you
hope is your train. and you‘re
off once again. And for the
next few hours you stare qui-
etly out the window at the
passing landscape. wondering
what the next few months will
have in store for you.

E mail
features 11 Apt/191111)]. ((1111


UK Dance Ensemble vice president Tessa Harris (left) and president Ashley Holbrook rehearse the dance "Torn
Mechanix" last night The UK Dance Ensemble will perform at 8 p m. Saturday and 2 p m. Sunday in the Recital Hall
at the Singletary Center. Tickets cost SlO for students $12 for general admission. and S3 for children under 10.

Author classifies the classless masses

By Hank Stuever
th msmnctou 9051

On a recent night. writer
Robert Lanham and his wife
journeyed from their home in
Brooklyn to eat at the Red
Lobster in Titties Square.
without a shred of the disdain
or ironic intent you‘d expect
from urban hipsters who
would think of Red Lobster as
a foreign planet.

"We also kept ordering
butter." he says Just as you
see in the Red Lobster TV

Such is the skill of being a
modern pop-cult taxonomist.
loving. Red Lobster in a red
dish affection. then poking
fun at it. too. in a bluish way

Lanham. looks beyond
mere politics. to sweepingly
and hilariously generaliZe
about many groups of new
day people in his new book.

Food (‘ourt I)ruids.(he1o
honkees, and ()ther (‘reatures
Unique to the Republic

In our world. we see peo

ple who vaguely annoy 11s or

make us wonder what the deal
is. In Lanham's world he sees

St1et1hibitionists." those pe
culiat gymgoers who never
seem to actually work out but
simply claim a high-traffic
spot to (lo a stretch routine
with no aim or reason.

He sees ”Asphalt
Rangers. " who overcompen-
sate for city living by wearing
l111ckp111king ge1 11 and hiking
shoes every day. And WBs"
adults who own too much
clothing featuring Warner
Bros 1artoon characters

I slug 1 satirical sot iologi-
1 al 1111 thod l1e1 1111s "-idiosyn
1 111logy ‘ ”the study and clas-
sification of individuals based
on their distinguishing behav~
iors and idiosyncrasies"
Lanh. 1111 first shot a dart into
the hipster trend in early
211111 with The Hipster Hand

“It just seems like there
ought to be more ways to de-
scribe people. rather than just
‘Hey. he‘s black. he's white.
he‘s Republican. he‘s Democ-
rat."‘said Lanham

The book wouldn‘t be as
ftutny or eerily accurate were
it not for Lanham's chief col
laborator: artist Jeff Bec.htel
whose sket1 hes bring to life
the “.lo1k Teases (loud
women in bars who fake
sports fandom to attract men)
and “Anunosexuals” (1e. Ted
Nugent. and all men whose
professional or personal ma
choness is inextricably linked
to fireai ms).

Then there are the types
who cannot be defined. They
stand alone as '(‘ ATSCANs"
1‘ (annot Attempt to Socially
(ategor ize Anthlropolo ically
N11tewor"thy ) Like andy
(onstan a ["1111 111:1 man who
became Wehfamous circa
2000. when most of the world
clicked on pictures of him
dressed as Peter Pan or Little
Lord Fauntleroy (wwwpixy
land org)

Who s next'.’

“I‘m tr 'ing to come tip
with something about women
who hate pretty girls.‘ Lan-
ham said. “The re out there.
but a name hasn t mme to me."


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Contact us at theiaundrybag©insightbbwm or (all (859)335-05 l 5

Registration is Limited!






Nov. 15-l9
9 om. - 5 pm.
in the
Student Center

Call 800 883 9449 for o portrait appointment

Wolk ins also accepted.

Reserve your copy of the 2005 Kentuckion now
Yearbooks are $85 plus $8. 95 for shipping 8. handling

Call 859- 257- 7703 to Order.

The Kernel is printed
on recycled paper.

We do our part.
Now do yours.








loc0mm nications


Career Fair

Novteomber 16th

Dress to impress
Bring your resume & work samples.
Call 257-1730 for more information.



Blood Drive

N(.)ve-I l ”Jen I




11. :1...


it". )- ~1.1r‘ ‘ Mickey Blnlon

Kehtmcfi‘fgffis’ §owrce For Wlmf': ”of!



rmumun 3

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Nov. 12, 2004


seen it all

Winning is easy.

Not the physical act of
winning, but everything that
comes with victories.

Going to the games. walk-
ing on campus. cruising
a r o u n d
town W all
of it comes
so easy
w h e it
you’re win-
ning. When
you‘re not.

In the
last four
UK’s 21 se-
niors have
seen just 14
wins. seven of which came in
2002’s 7-5 campaign.

It can‘t be easy

These seniors have seen
the best of UK football. and
now they are enduring the
worst. They've seen fans rush
the field and tear down goal-
posts —— wait. bad example
and they've played fourth
quarters in a nearly empty
Commonwealth Stadium.

They‘ve been praised by
fans. and they’ve listened to
choruses of boos. They‘ve
seen one coach leave. and
they've heard rumors of an-
other one on the way out.

It can‘t be easy.

Still. each game. they‘ve
gone out and put their bodies
on the line. Each week.
they‘ve come out and played
the right way. with pride and

There have been no
tantrums. no childish out-
bursts. no pouting. These Cats
have been humbled by tough
times. but they have kept
their heads up.

It can't be easy

Injuries have crippled the
Cats. including senior defen-
sive linemen Vincent “Sweet
Pea" Burns and Ellery Moore

With UK's record at 1-8.
most would expect them to
pack it in and watch the final
games from the sideline in
comfy winter coats. But this
week. there they are. out in
the cold on the practice field
in hopes of playing a few
more downs at home.

And then there's senior
wide receiver Gerad Parker. lf
UK's had bad luck the past
four years. he‘s seen even
worse. He‘s suffered a rash of
freak injuries, including the
time he crashed into a hy-
draulic lift at practice. But he
kept coming back.

It can‘t be easy

Every one of UK‘s seniors
has that kind of story. hard-
ships followed by an unstope
pable determination.

Each has endured some of
the toughest Saturdays in UK
history (and some of the
longest weeks in between).

After so much. they've
earned the chance to smile.

It can't be easy.



twiseman u kykernel. com


By Leslie Wilhite
M mutton mun

After the first exhibition
game for the UK women‘s
basketball team, head coach
Mickie DeMoss said she
wanted to see more intensity
on her defense.

Her team responded in
the second exhibition game
last night. holding the West
Coast All Stars to 28 percent
field goal shooting en route
to their 8350 win in Memori-
al Coliseum.

“It was encouraging to
see their improvement."
DeMoss s