xt7tqj77x20z https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt7tqj77x20z/data/mets.xml The Kentucky Kernel Kentucky -- Lexington The Kentucky Kernel 2000-01-28 Earlier Titles: Idea of University of Kentucky, The State College Cadet newspapers  English   Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel  The Kentucky Kernel, January 28, 2000 text The Kentucky Kernel, January 28, 2000 2000 2000-01-28 2020 true xt7tqj77x20z section xt7tqj77x20z Just thinking

More or less

Christina Aguilera may
be a genie in a bottle
that you have to rub
the right way to get
out, but I would still
want a two or thirty
wishes. Here are a
couple to make life in
school a little easier.

I Wish...

-that pens never ran out
of ink. and they
never would explode
or leak or anything.

-that the faucet had a
switch next to it that
would change the
water to ice cold
beer. Think of the

-all plumbers would wear

-moving sidewalks would
be implemented all
over campus.

-there were dictating
programs on all
computers that use
brain waves.

-you could go to class in
your pajamas.

-there were desks and
or seats made for
people over 6 feet

-masseuses think 5.05
an hour is a fair

-60 hours would be more
than enough to
graduate from
college and taking 9
hours a semester
would be a heavy

we could have better
seats to see our own
classmates play

-there were those gas
reflective heat things
every 10 feet on the
sidewalks around

-no classes started
before 9:30 am.

-driver's licenses would
be revoked the
second a driver did
something stupid like
leaving their turn
signal on for 20 miles
or thinking that
intentionally slowing
traffic is a good

-everyone used a good

-ticket Nazis did not

-there were roads with
no speed limit.

-alcohol poisoning did
not exist.

-a break such as Spring
Break happened
every month.

-everyone could have a
George Forman Grill.

-Ron Norton



4.0 2.3

A little bit warmer,
possible snow.




News tips?
Call: 2574915 or write:



Going to

Cats look to
continue roll
as they visit
Florida I 2.




New towing: one
strike, you're out




No Parking


Many students park illegally regardless of the towing policy. That may change with tighter rules, though.

Avoid the crackdown: Learn how to
avoid being towed, what to do if you are

By Tracy Kershaw

The Lexington Police De
partment will wage war on il-
legally parked cars starting
Monday. Officials said illegal-
ly-parked cars will begin to
be towed immediately instead
of cited.

Cars along yellow-paint-
ed curbs are considered ille-
gally parked.

Lt. Michael Doane said
the LPD gave students who
parked on the streets around
campus a break so far this
year. but. it cannot continue.

Illegally'parked cars cre-
ate a safety hazard, Doane
said. Emergency vehicles
cannot turn from one street
to another because the cars
are in the way.

“Say a fire truck had to
turn from Liter onto Lime-
stone. They would have to
back up into the road. which
could cause an accident."
Doane said.

Also, the cars could pre-
vent the emergency vehicles

from getting to the scene in
time. .

“Seconds can mean the
difference between life and
death," Doane said.

Safety may be the major
motive behind the decision to
10W immediately. but com-
plaints from residents of cam»
pus neighborhoods are also a
factor. Doane said.

Cars parked in prohibit-
ed loading zones may not be
towed, Doane said. because
they do not cause a safety

“We will only tow serious
violators," he said.

Students are weary of
parking hassles, though.

“I’ve had so many tick-
ets," said Chris Thomasson. a
theater senior. “Some of them
I deserved. yeah. but the ma-
jority were times when I was
probably just a few feet away
from my car."

Doane hopes students
will take responsibility for
their actions and park in le-
gal areas.

However. he is doubtful
that will happen.


“After 27 years on the
force. I know they aren't go
ing to do it." he said. “But we
cannot continue to be respon-
sible for their irresponsibility.

For students. it‘s not a
matter of responsibility.

“There seem to be very
few legal places to park,"
Thomasson said. "Chances
are that someone is going to
park illegally."



K m the
victim tow.

. ‘


2) Present proof of ownership
such as registration or insur-
ance card, and any form of
photo Mentilication.

3)1e prepared to c up the
cash: $8 citation fee. 50 ton-
ing fee. fick up your vehicle
the it is- towed. or face an
extra ’ per day late charge.
amass Towhg accepts cash.
check and credit cards.




Student receives
national position

The big league: UK's own pharmacy student
named president of national student association

By Katie Nelsen
srirrwwnurk V _

Aspiring pharmacists llII ovcr
the country will have onc ol‘ l‘li‘s
own lcuding thcm into the future

Jenn Schrock. Ihird~ycur llIiill'lllil
cy studcnt at UK. has been llitlllt‘lI
picsidcnt ofthc American l’hannaccu
tical Assix'iznion Academy of Studcnts
of I’hamizicy for tho ZilllHll term.

“I will try to show studcnts lhc
value of bcing inyolycd profession-
ally." Schrcck said.

Sonic of Schrcck's rcsponsibilr
lies as prcsidcnt include traveling
to pharmacy schools throughout
thc country and speaking to ihcm
about thc \‘ilIlll‘ of csiziblishmg
yourself :is :i lll‘oli'ssiolizd

"Both personally and prol‘cs
sionzilly. it's important to bc in
\‘ole in your profcssion and Ii;i\‘c
:1 voice." Schrcck said.

As it rcprcscnlzitivc of l'Ix'.
Schrcck cumpaignml in thc national
Al’hA-ASI’ conference In San Antonio.
'l‘cx.. last March to gain hcr prosidcn
liziI nomination. Schrcck was i-loctcd
as prcsidcnl to represent thc oignnim
tion on lwhzilfofiil pharmacy schools


and more than liiixkl sludcnis .icross
lhc llillliul.

Schrcck oucs hcr succcss lll p.111
to l‘K‘s oun studcnt govcrnmciu

"In u good scnsc. SiiA hclpcd
inc gcl clcclcd bccuusc ihcy paid.
in purl. tor lllt‘ to gci down ihcrc."
Schrcck said.

.\s :i I’cnn Stutc lllllit‘l'L’l‘Ctlillilli‘.
Schrcck knew what I'K bud to offer
in icrnis of l‘lilll'llllllllili \:i|uc zi'id

"I'K‘s pharmacy progrzun is
runkcd third in tho nulion .ind l'ucil
nun-s :1 good :umosphcrc lo lcurn."
Scln'cck .\.’ll(I. “'I'hc school is so
highly rcspcctcd in forms of Ilt‘IlIIIl
curc. I couldn't turn lIli‘lll down ”

Sclu‘cck suid IIIJlI Iii-r truwls :is
pl‘csidi'liiré'lccl It‘d Ili‘l‘ in many olIr
cr pharmacy siudcnts who know
what If mount to bc .i phzil‘mucy sin
dcnt zu l'K. ’I‘hc background of l'l\'
:is (l It‘illIt‘l‘ in mcdicinc :ilso holpcd
hcr campaigning. she said.

Schrcck is thc sci'oliii l'K stu
dcnt to hold this office in the past
fivc yours. .Icssiku Stcwnrtl‘hinn.
1i May 1999 pharmacy graduutc.
scrvcd as prcsidcnt for tho ItlSthlii

Student condones study

By Katie Neisen


I'K is establishing its standing
as :i grcut rcscnrch univcrsity with
tho hclp ofstudcnts Iikc (‘hris Frcc-

I'll‘t'lllflll. a third your dcntistry
studcnt. is using his rcccnt :iccom-
plishmcuts to go! morc sludi-nts in
volvcd in dcntal rcsc.’u'ch.

Winner of both thc Amcriczui
l)cnt:il Association l)i-ntsply Award
for rcscnrch and thc Ilinmnn Stu
dent Research Symposium award
for llllisl outstanding rcscnrch pro
scntulion. I’rccinnn is inking his
success and :ipplynig If to studcnts
Iicrc in (K.

“I‘m trying to tnkc what I've
donc to gci morc studcnts uiyolvcd
in rcsczn‘ch." I’l‘tii‘lllilll said. "I wzuu
to put I'lx' on tho map as for :is (Icnr
taI rcscarch is conccrnoil "

As .'l rcproscntuliw of l‘ls's
dental school. I“i‘i‘i‘ll‘i:lll conipctcd
against studcnis from élII Iil dcniul
schools across lhc country. includ
ing Harvard.

"I'K has always put up lzintzis
tic dcntul physicians." l~‘rocin;iu
said. “Mc boating ii“ of lhosc
schools this your shows ilru.”

As prcsldcnl of thc Notional

Studcnt Rosczirch (iroup for tho slu
dcnt si-ctor ofth ADA. I’rccinun is
ziwzirc of all the rcccnt Icchuologi
czil briviktliroughs that allow for :i
morc il(I\'lel(‘f'lI approach to di-ntnl

"'I'hcsc new tcchnologios :u'c
cxploding." l’rccmun \(lllI “I‘m
now :iblc to hclp >IlIlIl’llI\ :u my
school and across lhc country Iczu'n
niorc about di-nlul rcscru'ch "

I“rccin:in's award winning ro
scorch onions :1 modcl thzu :illows
for thc study of IIll' Ilcrpcs Sunplcx
'I‘\pc Irliscuscwnhoui Il.’l\lll‘.1lltlit‘-
liyz-Iy infccl :i human body

Along \\llI1 oilicr rcwurchci‘s
from l'lx'k dcniril and incdicol
schools. l’rcoinun hzis succci-di-d or
putting [ii on top lll forms of mod

"I'K has .i llinlnstic dcniul
school and I‘m proud to bc :i port of
it." Schrcck suid

Whilc lhc rccmznuion is \\l'II
dost-ryod. I’rccniziu Milli IIlflI hc
pridcs hnnsi-ll' on tho L'Il‘tli honor
that his thithci. I It. \lcdiml School
:ihnnnus. was iliwro to \Il.lI'l‘ in his

"Winning \\:is now of tho most
proud momculs of in; lilo.” Ii‘i'i-c
lllilll and. “It nus grinu li shore tho
prouilosi Illlllllt'lll\ of mo III~ to


Dinosaur expert coming to campus

Jack Hornet,
who was an
adviser to
Steven Spiel-
berg for the
movie Jurassic
Park, will


Prehistoric pal: World-renowned paleontologist
quits digging for a while to speak on campus

By John lampler

He knows so much about di-
nosaurs. Steven Spielberg made
him technical adviser to the
movies Jurassic Park and Lost
World. ,

Jack Homer. the world
renowned paleontologist. loves di-
nosaurs. and he‘ll be coming to
UK next Friday to talk about

Among Homer‘s accomplish
ments: he discovered the first di-
nosaur eggs in North America. the
first evidence of dinosaur em-
bryos. and the first evidence of di-
nosaurs being caring parents who
took care of their nests in a fash~



ion similar to birds. He has also
donc many studies involving the
Tyrannosaurus rcx.

"Ho‘s onc of the guys that
madc dinosaurs popular again."

Slcphcn (itch. an adjunct pro
fcssor in llK's department of gco-

(ii-ch, who teaches a class on
dinosaurs and disasters. said that
llorncr‘s research has been an in-
valuablc hpr to his class. For in-
stance. onc class period is devoted
entirely to the 'l‘yannosaurus res.
and they use Horncr's work in
class study. The class also studios
llorncr's work on baby dinosaurs.

llorncr‘s research has made
dinosaurs into something more

than more skeletons in a museum.
(lrcb said. Homer often uses tech
nology in his studies to evaluate
such aspects as brain size. muscle
size. possible bone discnscs. cvcn
how even how dinosaurs used
their teeth.

Homer is here as the featured
speaker ofth Darwin Sorics 2000.
sponsored by the Kentucky l’alc-
ontological Society. which mccts
on UK’s campus once a month.
and a few other departments on
campus. such as geology.

llan Phelps. president of tho
Kentucky Paleontological Society.
said that anyone interested in (ii
nosaurs should attend. Ho credit
ed Horncr as being a good speaker
with the ability to share his
knowlcdge with the public in a
fashion that they can understand

“I couldn‘t have found any
body better to talk about di-
nosaurs." Phelps said.


speak on cam-
pus next week.

.lack Hornet will be speaking on new discoveries
and technologies for answering paleontological
questions in the new millennium.

The presentation. "Digging Dinosaurs,"
is next Friday, Feb. 4, at 7:30 pm.
in the Singletary Center for the Arts.

For more information call
Dan Phelpsoat 277-3148






Adam J. Span
Phone: 257-1915 | Email: trueoloeadam®yahoocom



2 I FRIDAY. JANUARY 28, 2000 I mm



Heating up South Beach

Loltltinq to Shine: UK heading to sunny
Miami for showdown with the Hurricanes

Both teams enter the con—
test coming off wins in their
conferences: UK defeated Geor~
gia by six on Wednesday. while
UM recorded a 14~point thrash-
ing at Notre Dame. The Hurri-
canes held an explosive Notre
Dame offense to just 49
points, and limited
NI)‘s 'I‘roy Murphy.

the nation's sixth
leading scorer at
24.4 points per
game. to just 14

“i know they're
very athletic," UK
coach Tubby Smith
said of the Canes.

“Leonard Hamilton
has done an out-
standing job with this
year‘s team."
After losing
the Big East
Player of
the Year in
T i m
J a m e s .
UM has
done an
job re-
h i s
and re-

By Matt Ellison

Simon sun went

Misery ioyes company.

.-\nd the offenses of both
Hi and Miami ll‘ia.) have
been. well. miserable at
times this season.

So the two
teams should
haye plenty to
talk about when
they square off
in Miami tomor
row afternoon in
a rare. in season


It giv



The senior trio of Johnny
Hemsley. Mario Bland and
Vernon Jennings all con-
tribute heavily in their start-
ing roles.

Hemsley is the mad gun-
ner (18.3 points per game. but
only 38.5 percent field-goal per-
centage). Bland is the inside
enforcer (at 265 pounds. 7.2 re-
bounds per game). And Jen»
nings is the brains (2 to l assist
to turnover ratio, leads the
team in steals).

Put the three together with
sophomore forward John
Salmons. and you have four
starters back from last year's
UM squad. which won 28
games and a No. 2 seed in the
NCAA tournament.

“'l‘hey almost beat us in
Rupp Arena last year.“ Smith
said of the 7-1—65 UK win last
season. "We‘ll have to be at our
best in order to beat them."

For UK to be at their best.
as they have in the past 12
games (going 11-1). senior cen-
ter Jamaal Magloire needs to
continue to be the foundation
for their offense. Magioire
recorded yet another double-
double against Georgia. with
the last ofhis 10 rebounds com-
ing on Georgia‘s last attempt
with 2.3 seconds remaining.

“He‘s taking his time and
not forcing the ball." Saul
Smith said of UK‘s inside ter~
ror. “When he gets the ball.
you know he'll score or get
fouled. That's all you

can expect from a

The game is UK's
only out of confer-
ence game during
the Southeastern
Conference schedule.

3 us a chance to
measure ourselves.”




Coach Smith thinks the game
is a good idea for prepping his
squad for tournament time.

"It gives you a good feel for
tournament time,“ he said.

"Miami went to post-sea-
son play last year. and this v. as
an open date on our schedule.
It gives us a chance to measure
ourselves against an out of
conference opponent. it's an
opportunity to see the things
Miami might expose."

One thing UK may expose
from UM is their lack of quaii‘
ty depth. UM‘s starters all av-
erage more than 25 minutes
per game. and the depth was so


scarce at the beginning of the ;
season that the UM coaches ‘
held open tryouts for students
on campus.

Three man

J.P. Blevins hopes to continue the
development of his outside game.


In Miami

1’]: CBSiiwel

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200 Bolivar Street (corner of South Upper & Bolivar—Below LaserQuest)



Whiting or Catfish
Pork (‘hop

Grilled Chicken
Liver ‘n Onions

3; 22

C pitis tax


All Lunch entrees served with Two Side Dishes, Soft Drink & Cornbread


Chicken (quarteredl

Bar B Q Ribs
Four Whole Wings





Kernel's krystal ball: Staff's NCAA


Basketball predictions for Jan. 27-Feb.2


Mr. Ellison






Spring Break is less than two. months away.
Would you put on a bathing surt With the body
you have now?


't last week: 1-4 Overall: 5-6 (.45)
mt at um (rm: us o_s_

Ohio State at Purdue: Ohio State +5

1 Arizona at Louisiana State: Arizona +14
Vanderbilt at Florida: Florida +12

North Carolina at Georgia Tech: uuc +2








Tennessee at tilt: Tennessee +3


last flesh: 2-3 Overall: 4-7 (.416)
mt at and trim): on .9

Arizonaatlaulslaaa StatozArlaoaa+17




Last Week: 4-] Overall: 8-3 (.727)
UK at Miami (Fla.): UK +5

Ohio State at Purdue: Purdue +3



Arizona at louisiana State: Arizona +5
Vanderbilt at Florida: Florida +8
North Carolina at Georgia Tech: Ga. Tech +5




Tennessee at UK: UK +2

last Heck: 3-2 Overall: 6-5 (.55)
in at m (FM: on o:

newsman-emu '




“'8 time to 98! ill shape and start working Ollt.

Find out how in Tuesday’s

Health and Fitness .



Special Edition of the
Kentucky Kernel









OPEN: Tues-Fri: HAM-9PM n


Sat: 4-9PM 1: Sun: 12 noon—7PM


'8 With purchase - Not valid with Lunch Specials 8'
0 Mod So (mud. You'll Wanna Take A Nap 3






This Is 000 «Minn OHM Kernel VIII 08ft all“ to IIISSI

look lOI‘ it Tuesday, February 1, 2000










Matt Mulcahev
Assistant Scene Editor
Phone: 257-1915 I [-marl: kernelartevahooxom



The worthwhile and the worthless for the
new TV season, including more Regis

By Robin Petroze

After the inital lull of the
first few weeks. homework fi-
nally comes with a vengeance.
For a break from the books try
flipping on the tube. Here are a
few new shows that you might
want to try. and a few that you
shouldn‘t waste your" time on:
Who Wants to Be a

Regis Philbin anti ABC
have successfully dethroned
“ER" for the top spot on the
Nielson's ratings. claiming
more than half of the top ten
spots. This is a must-see show
for everyone. even if it's just to
see what all the hype is about.
Yes. Regis. that is my final an

0h Grow Up

Regis' gatne show tnay be
popular, but this ABt‘ comedy.
which also first aired this fall.
is not. You may find it enter—
taining if you are really bored.
but I would rather spend my
time doing calculus.
Now and Again

Looking for something (lif
ferent‘.’ Something that isn‘t
like every other comedy. ro-
mance. action or drama series
out there? Try (‘BS' “Now and
Again." a show about a man
who has his brain placed in a
genetically engineered body
and must now work for the gov-
ernment. The problem is. he
can have no contact with his
family. ()uch.
City of Angels

I admit that I am partial to
tnedical dramas. bttt this one


definitely has potential. t‘BS's
newest medical drama deals
with doctors working itxan in-
ner-city hospital.
Winning Lines

CBS has its own new game
show for the moneygrubbing
populace. In this show. l)ick
(‘lark offers 49 contestants a
chance at a million dollars.
The West Wing

So. what does go on behind
closed doors in the White
House? Martin Sheen plays the
president in this popular new
(‘BS drama that gives a behind-
the-scenes look at the tnost
powerful man in the country.
This is definitely a show with
substance and has already won
several awards.
Stark Racing Mad

Looking for something fun
ny'.’ "Doogie Howser. M.l)." star
Neil Patrick Harris is back in
this NBC comedy about a group
of writers. May not be the best.
but it will provide a nice break
frotn homework.

Eddie Kaye Thomas (above) of "Brutally
Normal" and Cristopher Gotham and Leslie
Bibb (left) of "Popular," star in the two
newest attempts by the W3 Network to
replicate the success of “Dawson's Creek."


Malcolm in the Middle

ls lo-yeatvold Malcolm nor-
mal? He has three brothers.
deals with bullies and parents
who are just waiting for all
their kids to tttrn 18. ()h. yeah.
he's a genius. too. FOX's new
comedy has gotten great re-
views and is a guaranteed

The WH Network is again
targeting its teenage audience
with this new comedy. Did yott
want to be in the “in-crowd”
when you were in high school.
or were you content with being
an outcast'.’ Popular humorous-
ly focuses on this high school
Brutally Norma l

The WH Network‘s newest
show premiered Monday and
also deals with the high school
struggle. This show features
the typical mix of characters
anti has elements of “Dawson‘s
Creek" and “Boy Meets World."
which could be interesting.

my aunt. ("termination zigizooo t 3




lo4-i Nicholasville Road. Lexington

“Keeping the Faith —

Sharing (ind ’5 Love "

Sunday Bible Study - 0 45 a tn
Sunday Worship - l l ()0 a m













The Advisory (‘ommittcc for thc Donovan Trust is seeking
proposals lrom intcrcstcd faculty. staff and students for tire funds

to be awarded from the

Herman Lee and Stuart Donovan Endowment
for the ZIXNI-Ztttll academic year. The purpose of thc
cndowmcnt is to promotc an atmosphere of culture and to enrich
educational opportunitics to develop stttdcnts‘ appreciation of the
qualities of beauty and lovlincss in the environment in which
they live and study. building requests may range from $1000 to
$l5.()()(). The application dcadlinc is March 20. 2000.

For more information and an application







‘End' disappointing


:{ c


By Patrick Aver—y




“I am jealous of your
pantyhose because it
kisses your leg all day."

At this point in Net]
Jordan‘s latest movie
The End of The Affair.
one does not know
whether the movie is a
comedic parody of love
or a serious romantic
drama. The much older
audience probably did
not relish the humor of
such a statement as l. the
only college student in
the theatre. did.

Ralph Fiennes plays
Maurice Bendrix. a nov-
elist who meets up with
a familiar foe one rainy
British night in 1946. His
foe is Henry Miles. the
husband of his former

mistress. Julianne
Moore plays the former
mistress. Sarah. who

comes back to her house
that night to see the two
men sitting down shar~
ing whisky.

Henry. unaware that
his wife and Maurice
had an affair two years



mm the beginning

before. takes pride in the
three of them sharing

At this point. a flash-
back takes place and the
story of the affair be-
comes known. Maurice
meets Henry and Sarah
at a party in London.
Maurice is writing a nov-
el where the main char-
acter is based on Henry‘s

Maurice mentions
that his most recent
movie is playing at the
local theatre and invites
the two of them to view
his movie.

Henry declines but
insists that Sarah accom‘
pany Maurice. to his
own detriment. No more
than a day goes by before
Mattrice and Sarah are
in each other's pants anti
talking about pantyhose.
However. the tWo end
the affair abruptly after
a few weeks.

At this point. the
movie takes us forward
to 1946 again and reveals
that Maurice would like
to get back with Sarah.
However. Sarah might
be cheating around with



A novelist
Fiennes) and
his married
lover (Jul-
Iiane Moore)
share a pas-
moment in
Neil Jordan's
latest, The
End of the
Affair. The
film is based
on Graham
novel set in


someone else. so Maus
rice hires a private in-
vestigator to track her.
His obsession turns into
jealousy and hatred
when he discovers what
she has been up to.

Julianne Moore.
nominated for a Golden
Globe for her part in The
End of The Affair. re-
ceives an uninteresting
role in this movie. With
her acting restricted to
sex scenes. the nomina
tion is not justified.

For every five words
she says. there are five
minutes ofon-screen sex.
However. a warning to
the lonely tnale species:
there is not much nudi-
ty. just a bunch of teas

Ralph Fiennes. bet-
ter known for his oscar-
nominated performances
in The English Patient
and Schindler's List.
shouldn‘t have done the
movie in the first place.

Avoid this movie at
all costs or you may find
yourself paying six dol-
lars to catch up on your

Rating: D-




‘Bone' KO'd in
final round

Road/buddylsports movie takes
a wrong turn en route to Vegas

ByVMatt Muclahey


It‘s not the destina-
tion that‘s important.
bttt the journey.

For tnost of Play It
To the Bone. director
Ron Shelton keeps this
adage in mind. He
crafts an entertaining
and humorous tale of
two down-and-out
prize fighters looking
for one last shot at glo»
ry. fame. and money.

The two ovet‘~tlte»
hill pugilists are Vince
(Woody Harrelson) and
(‘esar (Antonio Han-
deras). each with their
own unique quirks.
Vince sees visions.
ranging from Jesus to
topless ring girls. and
can‘t come to grips
with the fact that his
friend was a "fag" fora
year. (‘esar has his
own troubles. always
crying the day of a
fight and ttnable to ac»
cept that he choked in
his only title fight.

. After both fighters
from the undercard of
Mike Tyson‘s latest
pay-per-view event die
the day of the fight.
Vince and (‘esar get
their chance.

movie about

it's a

. the movie isn't really

about boxing; it‘s
about the relationship
between the two fight-

Shelton is the
undisputed king of
sports films (he‘s the
man behind Bull
Durham and White
Men (‘on‘t Jump).
mostly because he
doesn‘t draw his char-
acters as larger-than-
life heroes. but as regu
lar men.

In a sense. Play It
To the [tone is a road

movie without the
episodic nature that
plagues the genre.

There are no detours.
no llat tires. no car
trouble. no arrests. In
fact. you never doubt
the fact that the two
will make it to the light
on time.

The story never re-
ally has the two ask
whether they should
fight each other in the
first place. The only
question they have is
how much can they get

To them. it's just
business. When Vince
is asked why he would
fight his friend. he re-
sponds “because they
pay us." as if it's an ob-
vious answer.

It's when the two
get to Vegas that the
movie makes a fatal
turn. After getting to
know and care about
these two men. due in
no small part to Hal‘-
relson and llanderas’
exuberant perfor-
mances and Shelton's
talent for capturing the
humor in everyday
conversations. what
purpose does it serve
to have them pummel
each other?

A finale where we
never learn who is in
divirlually superior
(like Scorsese's (‘olor
of Money .
wise dismal Rocky III.
or Shelton’s own White
Men (‘on't .lump)
would have kept the
ending from feeling so

In the end. it does
n‘t matter who wins
Vince and (Tesar's bat.
tle. It's how they got
there that's important.
Rating: 04»

the other.

9st? 0

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KENT, Ohio (AP) -~ This
time, it was the
teacher who was
caught tossing

When his students
couldn't grasp a math
concept, instructor
Ludvik Janos lost his
temper and started
throwing erasers
around the
classroom, Kent
State University
officials say.

Janos, 77, has been
removed from his
basic probability and
statistics class.
University officials
haven't decided when
he will be allowed to
return, Kent State
Margaret Garmon
said Wednesday.

Universny officials said
the Czechoslovakian-
born teacher, who
has lived in the
United States for
seven years, became
frustrated Monday
when the 35 students
in his class didn't
understand a math

According to the campus
police complaint filed
by Kent State
student Nicole
Vondrak, Janos
screamed “dumb
Americans" and
vulgarities at the

check reveal

- it wasn't hard for
police to find the
suspect in a cafe
robbery: He left in a
wheelchair and wrote
a threatening note on
the back of his
personal check.

Police say a man rolled
into the Kreme Kup
dairy bar and parked
his wheelchair at a
table among other
customers. After
ordering a Double
Jumbo Cheeseburger,
the man scribbled a
note for the waitress
on the back of a
piece of paper.

“Don't push. No pulling.
You won't get hurt,"
the note read.

The man made a gesture
as though he were
hiding a gun under
his jacket, police said
Tuesday, and the
waitress gu1cklv gave
him SiZO. He quickly
wheeled out of the

After the robbery was
reported, police
spotted a man in a
wheelchair rolling
down the same
street as the cafe,
Police said that when
they arrived at a
nearby motel, the
man 1umped up and
took off running.

‘He must have rolled
into a faith healer
after he left the
Kreme Kup," said Lt.
Mike Allen of the
West Memphis Police

Police were able to
capture the suspect.
but they already had
a pretty good idea
who he was. The note
he allegedly passed
to the waitress was
on the back of a
personalized check
bearing his name,
address and
telephone number,

Edward Bohanon, 42.
was charged with
aggravated robbery,

en your
letters to the
editor to
the Kernel!




Chaz Martin



Editorial Board

Christopher Emmicii dialogue editor

Mark Vanderhoff editor in chief

Gary McColium senior staff writer
Natalie Johnson at large member

Republican candidates
same sad stale scoop

tieorge Junior w as on my television last night. A
111i11di111111bing array of would-be presidents sur
rounded him on each side: a phalanx of wealthy aris-
tocrats discussing the moral crisis in America.

it seems we have a duty to round up White House
interns and sell them to Japan to pay of‘fthe national


will no longer be shamelessly exploited by the cruel
tax system that unfairly asks him to give a cracker to

the bum outside his guesthouse.

it seems the republican primaries are
like the arrival of a substitute teacher in a class we

never wanted to rake in the first place.

()111' choices have been narrowed down by the
American people 1of(.‘.\'.\') to include five social. eco-
nomic conservatives who see Jesus as their favorite
as 1 do. but for an entirely dif-

political philosopher
ferent reason.

Here‘s mine' .lesus was a left
wing extremist. (‘ompared to the Re-
publican Party in question. Jesus
was a pinko commie,

When (‘hrist told the rich young
ruler to give away his cash and join
his social revolution. there is no
doubt he was carrying his red card.
Why else would he tell all his follow-
ers to pool their money. divvy it up.
and live a life of utopian codepen—

The idea that any of these republicans would
give 1111 his coat to keep the crackhead in the alley
warm is as far- fetched as the chance that J( would be
able to raise 360 million from 11111lti-11.'1tioi1al corpoIa


liidn t the aforementioned political philosopher
foigiye an adulteress and call off her attacke1s‘.’ Did

Jesus Christ

than any state in America, ever.

about compassionate conservatism.
That must be why his state executed
more people 111 the last four years

l look at the suits on my TV
screen and